raindrops
Someday, eventually
- Mar 29, 2020
- 447
See I have asked him... and he says, we will do, soon.
Surely though if someone wanted to live with you they would say they want to live with you, they would want to look at properties with you.
Last night I stayed with him, I was sat looking at properties and he asked what I was doing so I told him, "oh just looking at houses, I have done for the past few months, I'd love to live together" he sat with me, was looking at them with me and he liked at least 2 of the houses.
He told me we will go look at some, but in that moment did not say, yes, lets look, now. Maybe I'm trying to hurry things too much.
I need to get out of where I am, my grandmother is, well... difficult, yet amazing, without her I would of been lost, especially in 2020. It's things about her that are so hard to live with. This morning was awful, she had blocked the toilet with crap, yes crap and I said please can you help me unblock it, I did not want to put my arm down it and pull someone else's crap from the toilet. Literally toilet water everywhere, she's stepping in it, toilet water is going all over the place at this point. All the while I'm stood there needing the toilet myself! Ahh fml. I said, please help, I refuse to touch it, she then said she's not doing it, then sat down for a cigarette, I said I really need to go, well you do it, were her words. Am I in the wrong for not pulling shit from the toilet to unblock it, talk about literally being "in the shit"
I broke down, sobbing, she heard me crying, come out after having a cigarette, f'ing and blinding. Telling me to leave, telling me to go back to him, that I am so lucky I am here or where would I be. I start to feel awkward with everything I do living here, bathing, watching TV, all of those things cost money and I feel I do not give enough to do those things, I basically live for free. Right now I have £7 in my bank account. Those threats or insults when asking "where would I be?" frighten me, she is right where would I be? After all she is my only family member, all have passed away or moved away, those that have moved away I cannot go live with, they're my sisters, living with their partners, one is 21 the other 17. My father lives with people, sofa surf as they say, well I think he does, what does he do I dunno. My mother has passed, my other grandparents I am not close too and again live so far from me. I wouldn't know them too look at, not even personality. My grandmother I live with is my mothers mother, she is all I have, and I am so grateful, but the time has come I must have my own home. Or I want to ctb.
Anyway... this morning I said well, I just need help, I do not want to touch shit. I mean I would of, if there was gloves ffs.
She also sits with the TV really quiet, then turns it up, then back down, up and down with the volume. It's so strange and at times, well most of the time I feel this is some way of getting attention. One night I had my TV on, playing a game on xbox, it was not loud. She come in to my room, "turn that down, someone's knocking on the door about how loud it is" ... no one had knocked. Bare in mind this is 2 in the morning and has her door shut, she had got up for the toilet and heard my TV from my room and had decided to say its too loud, again, it was not, I do have respect.
I am 27, 28 this year and by now I should be settled with my partner. The thing is I can only afford such a home with my partner. I'm seriously thinking now things are going really well for me in my love life, that now is finally the time to ctb. Me & his mother speak now, its amazing, after so long of not speaking we now speak always. Its finally good. Yet it is finally time I have had enough of being sat in my bedroom at this age. I want to cook, clean and be house proud, not only for myself but for the one I love. I want to do those cheesy things, hell, I would love a dog too.
Last year I had my own place, it was amazing, sort of. I was not a very nice person to my partner, always arguing, always shouting.
Only now do I feel gratitude, only now do I know I will only love him and treat him with the up most respect. He is all I have. I hope soon we live together this year, or I am thinking, maybe, truly the best thing for me would to ctb.
I must add I miss @GoodPersonEffed
She told it how it is, she would of had some decent answer, her advice & opinions will be missed.
Surely though if someone wanted to live with you they would say they want to live with you, they would want to look at properties with you.
Last night I stayed with him, I was sat looking at properties and he asked what I was doing so I told him, "oh just looking at houses, I have done for the past few months, I'd love to live together" he sat with me, was looking at them with me and he liked at least 2 of the houses.
He told me we will go look at some, but in that moment did not say, yes, lets look, now. Maybe I'm trying to hurry things too much.
I need to get out of where I am, my grandmother is, well... difficult, yet amazing, without her I would of been lost, especially in 2020. It's things about her that are so hard to live with. This morning was awful, she had blocked the toilet with crap, yes crap and I said please can you help me unblock it, I did not want to put my arm down it and pull someone else's crap from the toilet. Literally toilet water everywhere, she's stepping in it, toilet water is going all over the place at this point. All the while I'm stood there needing the toilet myself! Ahh fml. I said, please help, I refuse to touch it, she then said she's not doing it, then sat down for a cigarette, I said I really need to go, well you do it, were her words. Am I in the wrong for not pulling shit from the toilet to unblock it, talk about literally being "in the shit"
I broke down, sobbing, she heard me crying, come out after having a cigarette, f'ing and blinding. Telling me to leave, telling me to go back to him, that I am so lucky I am here or where would I be. I start to feel awkward with everything I do living here, bathing, watching TV, all of those things cost money and I feel I do not give enough to do those things, I basically live for free. Right now I have £7 in my bank account. Those threats or insults when asking "where would I be?" frighten me, she is right where would I be? After all she is my only family member, all have passed away or moved away, those that have moved away I cannot go live with, they're my sisters, living with their partners, one is 21 the other 17. My father lives with people, sofa surf as they say, well I think he does, what does he do I dunno. My mother has passed, my other grandparents I am not close too and again live so far from me. I wouldn't know them too look at, not even personality. My grandmother I live with is my mothers mother, she is all I have, and I am so grateful, but the time has come I must have my own home. Or I want to ctb.
Anyway... this morning I said well, I just need help, I do not want to touch shit. I mean I would of, if there was gloves ffs.
She also sits with the TV really quiet, then turns it up, then back down, up and down with the volume. It's so strange and at times, well most of the time I feel this is some way of getting attention. One night I had my TV on, playing a game on xbox, it was not loud. She come in to my room, "turn that down, someone's knocking on the door about how loud it is" ... no one had knocked. Bare in mind this is 2 in the morning and has her door shut, she had got up for the toilet and heard my TV from my room and had decided to say its too loud, again, it was not, I do have respect.
I am 27, 28 this year and by now I should be settled with my partner. The thing is I can only afford such a home with my partner. I'm seriously thinking now things are going really well for me in my love life, that now is finally the time to ctb. Me & his mother speak now, its amazing, after so long of not speaking we now speak always. Its finally good. Yet it is finally time I have had enough of being sat in my bedroom at this age. I want to cook, clean and be house proud, not only for myself but for the one I love. I want to do those cheesy things, hell, I would love a dog too.
Last year I had my own place, it was amazing, sort of. I was not a very nice person to my partner, always arguing, always shouting.
Only now do I feel gratitude, only now do I know I will only love him and treat him with the up most respect. He is all I have. I hope soon we live together this year, or I am thinking, maybe, truly the best thing for me would to ctb.
I must add I miss @GoodPersonEffed
She told it how it is, she would of had some decent answer, her advice & opinions will be missed.
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