How do suicidal thoughts how up for you?

[DepressedAngel]

Even as I try to recover, I can't get rid of my suicidal thoughts. Some days they are in the background of my mind, telling me to kill myself and that nobody wants me. On other days (like today) I find myself lying on the floor unable to cry, just wanting to hang myself and release myself from this misery. Those thoughts are crippling and I can't function when they occur. How do thoughts show up for you?

 

[BlueWidow]

Though I've never been diagnosed with bipolar, I have what I assume are as close to manic episodes as you can get. I have thoughts that race through my head and I can't sit still. I pace around the floor, sometimes for hours, with these thoughts racing through my head. I can't focus on anything else and I can't sit down or rest, even though I'm usually exhausted when it's happening. I don't know how to stop it.

Other times, my emotional pain is so great that it becomes physical. As I've stated in another thread, it feels like a metal ball in the middle of me that's rapidly spinning around. It has various tools and gadgets that extend and retract as the ball is spinning and these tools tear at my insides and rip me to shreds.
I can feel the ripping and the tearing and the emotional bleeding out. Sometimes it hurts so much I can't breathe.

 

[DepressedAngel]

Though I've never been diagnosed with bipolar, I have what I assume are as close to manic episodes as you can get. I have thoughts that race through my head and I can't sit still. I pace around the floor, sometimes for hours, with these thoughts racing through my head. I can't focus on anything else and I can't sit down or rest, even though I'm usually exhausted when it's happening. I don't know how to stop it.

Other times, my emotional pain is so great that it becomes physical. As I've stated in another thread, it feels like a metal ball in the middle of me that's rapidly spinning around. It has various tools and gadgets that extend and retract as the ball is spinning and these tools tear at my insides and rip me to shreds.
I can feel the ripping and the tearing and the emotional bleeding out. Sometimes it hurts so much I can't breathe.

I am so sorry, you have no idea. No one deserves to go through that. Sending love

 

[nonamegirl]

Well I have many hours a day where I think about suicide, but sometimes it gets silent for a little while (still suffering) and then BOOM! it makes a surprise attack, punching me to the floor, hitting me again and again, stronger then ever. It will always find a way to sneak up on me in the most vile way.

I don't know if I'd want to trade with 24/7 suicidal thought, but man those surprise attack are soul crushing beyond belief, and knowing they will never stop, but keep coming, keep coming. It's like walking around in a home, where you know a family member is out to scare you, and you walk around on edge on when the surprise attack will come, and then when it comes, even though you know it was coming, it scares the living shit out of you.

 

[Jean4]

I am suicidal 24/7. I hear the voice over and over that I want to die. Medical Marijuana and meds make it more tolerable. But there are times when I can't get out of bed because the pain is so bad.

 

[Tinhoo]

I think about end my life most part of the day, it comes for me as a feeling. A feeling telling me that I should die, a feeling that no one cares about me and a strage hapiness feeling when I see myself dying in my toughts.... that´s it most of my day !!

 

[DepressedAngel]

I think about end my life most part of the day, it comes for me as a feeling. A feeling telling me that I should die, a feeling that no one cares about me and a strage hapiness feeling when I see myself dying in my toughts.... that´s it most of my day !!

That's how I feel too! You explained it very well. I hope it gets better for you soon, sending hugs

 

[TAW122]

I do get lots of them time to time, especially in stressful moments, or whenever I am reminded of how pathetic I am in what I wish to achieve, but fall short of. For example, if I had a string of bad things happen back to back (even if it is trivial), I just get a short period of suicidal thoughts due to the stress that I am under and facing the reality in which I experience.

 

[TheEndof]

I think about it constantly. It's become an obsession. I'm always thinking about how worthless I am and how hopeless I feel. It's just become a constant state. I don't know what it's like not to feel like this all the time.

 

[FreedomInDeath]

I am suicidal due to having a severe mental illness, which as a result causes me to need to escape, but they are not the exact product of the mental illness if that makes sense? As in it is not the mental illness making me suicidal as a symptom, it is a result of having a severe mental illness tormenting me that is why suicide may be the only option. They show up whenever I am most symptomatic and need to escape. The symptoms destroy most of my life so suicide seems the only option.