How do shy, nice women survive this world?

[Weather]

I feel like being shy -- male or female -- is just one characteristic out of many. So, you can be shy, but leverage your other attributes. You might be shy, but also smart, funny, competitive, attractive, athletic, etc. For example, I'm shy, but generally a good writer which has helped me to be relatively successful in a job; I'm shy, but I'm also knowledgeable about some things which has allowed me to make connections with other people.

Of course, social anxiety, etc., is more debilitating than jut shyness.

 

[Kramer]

Maybe it's your height/physique?

6ft, broad shoulders, some muscle but not a lot

 

[LastFlowers]

I'm a guy who I guess would be considered more sensitive than the average guy and it's been hell for me. How do sensitive women handle life, especially if the guys in their ethnic group are naturally more aggressive? My example refers to Latino culture.

This question has always puzzled me.

The obvious answer, by being attractive. The ones who aren't don't survive anything, not in the way you mean anyway.

 

[Conker]

Dying scares me. If death is nothing, then it seems sad and lonely forever.

Not exactly, nothingness is literally just that. There's no duality to be found so there would be no "You" or "I" that's even capable of feeling sad or lonely.

That state is beyond all duality and even the Great Void which is unmanifested thought.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

That's a weird way to put it. I'm Latina and grew up around mostly other Latinos. Being a Latino man does not make you naturally more aggressive. In general, Latino people are very warm, sensitive people. It's not looked down upon to be expressive, loving, or open. Machismo is definitely an issue, but which culture does not have an issue with male aggression? A frat bro type of dude is scary to anyone, and they come in any race, color, and/or ethnicity. I've met macho Latino guys who made my life hell, and nerdy softboy guys who were very nice to me, and vice versa. It's more about the social culture that they go into rather than the ethnic culture.

Anyways, I think the root issue is when you have a mental illness. Normal people can sense crazy-- the sad truth is that no one wants to date or be friends with a depressed, anxious person who clearly has unmanaged mental problems. It's just stressful and depressing. You've gotta be super rich, super charming, or super gorgeous to have someone put up with that.

I think that relates to how shy girls "survive the world." Girls who are shy because of mental illness (like me) do not live to the fullest, especially if they have nothing extraordinary to offer. But even the gorgeous sad girls will struggle with people who shamelessly take advantage of them for their problems. On the other hand, girls who are normal and just have a sensitive and shy personality, probably don't hang around this site and live very normal, happy lives. It's the same with men, many sensitive and ugly men are out there living their best lives, dating, partying, having fun, etc. They are also not the type to be hanging around here.

Yeah there's benefits to being outgoing and beautiful and stuff. But if you really look at it, the real benefit is in being sane and normal. All the other stuff just adds to the easiness.

 

[Kramer]

Not exactly, nothingness is literally just that. There's no duality to be found so there would be no "You" or "I" that's even capable of feeling sad or lonely.

That state is beyond all duality and even the Great Void which is unmanifested thought.

Why does my brain insert sad and lonely?

That's a weird way to put it. I'm Latina and grew up around mostly other Latinos. Being a Latino man does not make you naturally more aggressive. In general, Latino people are very warm, sensitive people. It's not looked down upon to be expressive, loving, or open. Machismo is definitely an issue, but which culture does not have an issue with male aggression? A frat bro type of dude is scary to anyone, and they come in any race, color, and/or ethnicity. I've met macho Latino guys who made my life hell, and nerdy softboy guys who were very nice to me, and vice versa. It's more about the social culture that they go into rather than the ethnic culture.

Anyways, I think the root issue is when you have a mental illness. Normal people can sense crazy-- the sad truth is that no one wants to date or be friends with a depressed, anxious person who clearly has unmanaged mental problems. It's just stressful and depressing. You've gotta be super rich, super charming, or super gorgeous to have someone put up with that.

I think that relates to how shy girls "survive the world." Girls who are shy because of mental illness (like me) do not live to the fullest, especially if they have nothing extraordinary to offer. But even the gorgeous sad girls will struggle with people who shamelessly take advantage of them for their problems. On the other hand, girls who are normal and just have a sensitive and shy personality, probably don't hang around this site and live very normal, happy lives. It's the same with men, many sensitive and ugly men are out there living their best lives, dating, partying, having fun, etc. They are also not the type to be hanging around here.

Yeah there's benefits to being outgoing and beautiful and stuff. But if you really look at it, the real benefit is in being sane and normal. All the other stuff just adds to the easiness.

I'm glad you replied. I grew up around Latinos. I'm also Latino but was always considered white. I was adopted by a white family, which has made it hard to date even the white looking latinas because of the difference in culture.

The guys were mostly gangster or wannabe gangsters and looking for a fight. I'm sure not all were like that but that's what I encountered. Almost every Latina sweet or mean had a male relative in and out of prison, which made me uncomfortable.

i was always good at hiding my issues growing up by not showing emotion. It's much harder now though.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I'm glad you replied. I grew up around Latinos. I'm also Latino but was always considered white. I was adopted by a white family, which has made it hard to date even the white looking latinas because of the difference in culture.

The guys were mostly gangster or wannabe gangsters and looking for a fight. I'm sure not all were like that but that's what I encountered. Almost every Latina sweet or mean had a male relative in and out of prison, which made me uncomfortable.

i was always good at hiding my issues growing up by not showing emotion. It's much harder now though.

Eyyyy i see! There were definitely plenty of kids like that where I grew up. it might be a class thing though. In my side of town (middle class), there weren't many kids like this. There were rebels of course, and many of my friends (girls) had single moms. but it was pretty uncommon for people to act hard or anything. It's getting bad here though, in the next town over there's MS-13 presence. The kids who live closer to there are definitely more aggressive. But i think they have to be, in order to survive their environment. My dad is a typical macho Latino, but back in his country he grew up in an area that's now controlled by the mara and his family was involved with it too. So it's a product of environment thing.

Your situation is pretty unique, I understand feeling like you don't belong with other Latinos. but you're not alone, even 100% latino kids who had Latino families feel like they dont belong with other Latinos sometimes. I know I def felt that way because I had different interests and was always very reserved due to my anxiety.

at the very least, be assured that there are many latinas even in your area who would be happy to be with someone who isn't hard or macho. It might be tough in your area, but if you ever branch out you'll def find girls like that. And of course you never know til you try. you've gotta take the chance in order to see if things work out, even the girls who seem tough and mean might have problems that theyre overcompensating for & theyd appreciate someone stable and kind in their life too.

 

[Kramer]

Eyyyy i see! There were definitely plenty of kids like that where I grew up. it might be a class thing though. In my side of town (middle class), there weren't many kids like this. There were rebels of course, and many of my friends (girls) had single moms. but it was pretty uncommon for people to act hard or anything. It's getting bad here though, in the next town over there's MS-13 presence. The kids who live closer to there are definitely more aggressive. But i think they have to be, in order to survive their environment. My dad is a typical macho Latino, but back in his country he grew up in an area that's now controlled by the mara and his family was involved with it too. So it's a product of environment thing.

Your situation is pretty unique, I understand feeling like you don't belong with other Latinos. but you're not alone, even 100% latino kids who had Latino families feel like they dont belong with other Latinos sometimes. I know I def felt that way because I had different interests and was always very reserved due to my anxiety.

at the very least, be assured that there are many latinas even in your area who would be happy to be with someone who isn't hard or macho. It might be tough in your area, but if you ever branch out you'll def find girls like that. And of course you never know til you try. you've gotta take the chance in order to see if things work out, even the girls who seem tough and mean might have problems that theyre overcompensating for & theyd appreciate someone stable and kind in their life too.

Tell me if you want me to reply to this. I would do it in private message since our conversation will only get more specific. A lot of people lurk on this site.

 

[262653]

Basically, make a free choice to be physically fit, smart, pretty, wise and knowledgable. Oh, and motivated to maintain all these qualities, and to stay alive.
Following these simple instructions may improve your chances (or risks) for survival. No need to thank me.

 

[Kramer]

Basically, make a free choice to be physically fit, smart, pretty, wise and knowledgable. Oh, and motivated to maintain all these qualities, and to stay alive.
Following these simple instructions may improve your chances (or risks) for survival. No need to thank me.

I was doing good until my mental illnesses increased in severity. Already tried treatment.

 

[Sadfairytale]

They don't that's why we're here I suppose.

 

[lotus11]

The answer is simple, nice people in general, end up here. Because the world chews them up and spits them out.

Bang on.

Small blond woman here. Wouldnt say 'shy' but definitely have insecurities, always kind. Totally walked over by society. Yes men definitely, I mean in Latino culture I think it's very obvious how men treat women like shit. In my culture it is basically still the same but seems more subtle I think. Also walked over in other areas of society like jobs for example. And here I am on this site, I'm not surviving.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

You learn to engage people's protective instincts and you're either pretty enough to or you're not. You learn when you can let more aggressive types ego steamroll you because fighting back only leads to more conflict and when you can foresee conflict getting more serious regardless of what you do so you develop an instinct for escaping those situations. Fight or flight is always a hair trigger away.

You also learn to stick to yourself and people you know you can trust, to have few but deep friendships if that's possible, rather than a wide breadth, and to be discretionary about who's safe and who's not. Staying anonymous is the first line of defense against being noticed by anyone predatory. But I wouldn't call myself "nice" so maybe for people who are their adaptations are less manipulative, and I'm working on untangling them but honestly it's a mess, and I'm very sheltered to begin with so I probably would crack in the real world.

I think the ideal is figuring out how to stand up for yourself without compromising your integrity and becoming an aggressive person yourself.

As for why people like that are attracted to you, to me it seems immediately obvious but it's just a guess. They can probably sense that you're similar, and that is what's attractive, yet if you also have a more robust physique you make them feel safe. Gentle giants are hot because you feel both protected and understood. It's really hard to be close to someone who isn't on your sensitivity wavelength when you're sensitive, so to me it makes sense that people would select for exactly that even if they're not consciously aware of it, or you're not aware that that's what they're selecting for.

Basically I don't think people are generally stupid enough to fall for a facade of steely strength if that's not who you really are, but I don't know many people so I could be wrong lol. If you think they're not attracted to "the real you" I would guess that you're not giving yourself or them enough credit.

 

[Sherri]

Me? With lots of Xanax.

 

[Whisperinyourear]

From experience shy women/girls become targets and experience trauma and are perceived to be vunerable. I've had instances where men due to power trips and ego take advantage of such women/girls and treated women/girls as an accessory not a person.

I think from my own point of view when dating I was attracted to guys that I thought I could trust and help me with my insecurities, valued and respected women not nessecarily protect me and be tall and burly.

 

[AngelGirl]

I'm a guy who I guess would be considered more sensitive than the average guy and it's been hell for me. How do sensitive women handle life, especially if the guys in their ethnic group are naturally more aggressive? My example refers to Latino culture.

This question has always puzzled me.

They either act like they didn't see the reality or they leave their own country and move to North America and Europe.