How do people stay so happy.

[Styrotoast]

This is my first post so sorry if I'm doing something wrong but something I seriously don't get is how people seem so happy. I'm depressed out of my mind and want to end it almost constantly yet il look around and see so many people who are genuinely happy. Was it not meant to be for me, is this just something genetic, I just don't really understand it.

 

[Engström]

As it's said, ignorance is bliss. Or at least it can be. One can only block the horrors of the world for so long. Most of my friends who appeared happy were actually quite miserable and petty.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm the same.
I've been depressed since childhood and always felt out of place in society.
Maybe your depression is genetic, it's possible to inherit certain genes that cause mental illness.
My biological Father was mentally ill, so maybe I inherited my depression from him.
I get what you mean about seeing other people happy. It's confusing and upsetting.
I sometimes feel like an alien amongst most other people because they are on a different wavelength to me because they enjoy life and I don't.
I get very little enjoyment from life. At one time I used to have a good job, and a girlfriend, and a nice house,. Yet I still wasn't happy.
So it makes me wonder if what you say is true, that life isn't meant for some of us.
Sorry you are going through this, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

Literally nobody is always happy, everyone becomes sad/miserable at some point or another. Depression as a condition is different cuz that's when one is perpetually in such a state

 

[snowcloud9]

They do the skillful thing of being born without shitty parents and/or a shitty environment, so they don't have lifelong childhood trauma. Or they look happy on the outside and are internally miserable.

If you want the self-help answer though, it depends. If you're in a shitty situation like poverty, it's really just society's fault, not much you can do. If you have an overall good life but low self-esteem, then therapy. If it's genetic predisposition (are your parents depressed?) then meds. It gets tiring, but that's a start at least.

 

[HollowDrop]

Some people are very good at either ignoring the negative or hiding it. Granted some people simply do suffer much more than others because of circumstances, but it is surprising how many seemingly happy people actually have underlying issues of their own that greatly weight them down. I would have never guessed one of my brothers has any mental issues until I was told, he always seemed so successful with work, studies and social life. You really never know until you do.

 

[Engström]

I had a friend, I grew up next door to him. He appeared happy but to know him, he was always looking to undercut someone and was very insecure. Jealous. Couldn't be sincerely happy for anyone else's success so he'd take swipes and was passive aggressive AF. I put up with it for YEARS until one night I just had enough.

So I stuffed him in a wood chip-Sorry, Fargo interference.

No, in all seriousness, it took my partner at the time to point it out to me how shitty he was being. After that, I maintained a good distance and "took a break" from said friend. The last time we corresponded was on my birthday when he sent me a bizarre email listing all of the movie characters I loved growing up who I was now the same age as. He claimed he was being light hearted but I was not in the mood.

He was the friend growing up who seemed to have everything, meanwhile my family was a mess. But I had a sense of humor and he didn't. Little things like that make a big difference.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I think we're all asking the same question.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

I'm the same.
I've been depressed since childhood and always felt out of place in society.
Maybe your depression is genetic, it's possible to inherit certain genes that cause mental illness.
My biological Father was mentally ill, so maybe I inherited my depression from him.
I get what you mean about seeing other people happy. It's confusing and upsetting.
I sometimes feel like an alien amongst most other people because they are on a different wavelength to me because they enjoy life and I don't.
I get very little enjoyment from life. At one time I used to have a good job, and a girlfriend, and a nice house,. Yet I still wasn't happy.
So it makes me wonder if what you say is true, that life isn't meant for some of us.
Sorry you are going through this, and welcome to the forum.

I feel the same way.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This is my first post so sorry if I'm doing something wrong but something I seriously don't get is how people seem so happy. I'm depressed out of my mind and want to end it almost constantly yet il look around and see so many people who are genuinely happy. Was it not meant to be for me, is this just something genetic, I just don't really understand it.

How to be happy is a complex field. What makes someone happy is very individual and it's also a philosophical topic what true happiness in life is.

Depression develops over a long period of time for various reasons. Do you know why you are depressed? What lead to it? Were there any triggers in your life? Is there sth you'd like to do so badly but you simply cannot do it or this goal is out of reach?

True happiness comes from in the inside (philosophy) but how can it come from the inside when we are constantly unhappy bc of the circumstances we cannot or we do not want to deal with?

I'm no very happy, not happy at bc of my personal circumstances but I cannot change them, not in the way they would make me happy.

 

[cryvinglightning]

delusion, substance abuse masked as "social drinking/smoking", hypoawareness, ignorance, and a good amount of masking and hiding their unsatisfaction. no one is ever truly happy.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I think a good supportive healthy functioning family helps to set you up for life for a good deal of happiness, possibly above anything else. I had a narcissistic father, a passive aggressive mother and an covert narcissistic golden child older sister, who always demanded attention and was quick to blame me for anything she could. I didn't really stand a chance. I always had low self esteem, depression and attracted people who saw how vulnerable I was. I was an easy target to manipulate and take advantage of. Of cause I always made excuses for them and took the blame for them too. I think I experienced some happiness once to twice- but I can't say forsure.

 

[leavingsoon99]

They do the skillful thing of being born without shitty parents and/or a shitty environment, so they don't have lifelong childhood trauma. Or they look happy on the outside and are internally miserable.

If you want the self-help answer though, it depends. If you're in a shitty situation like poverty, it's really just society's fault, not much you can do. If you have an overall good life but low self-esteem, then therapy. If it's genetic predisposition (are your parents depressed?) then meds. It gets tiring, but that's a start at least.

This.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just because other people appear to feel a certain way doesn't necessarily mean that reflects the reality, we cannot truly know how other people experience existence.
But in my case I don't believe that such a thing as happiness even exists, the concept of it is a delusion invented by humans.

It's irrational to be "happy" when existence just causes suffering and harm, there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this reality.
Existence really is hell and wanting to die is all that makes sense to me. If one doesn't wish for the eternity of non-existence then I will never be able to understand how they feel.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

There are only about 4 ways to derive meaning from life. I wish someone told me this as a youth. 1. Marriage and kids, relationships 2. fullfilling career/job 3. Having religious affiliation involvement 4. Community involvement. If u aren't successful in some of these areas, it will feel like there's no purpose or meaning for your existence. The problem with chasing happiness is that happiness can come and go. One minute you're on top of the world and the next u have an unexpected event that kills your happiness if not permanently but temporarily. You might see people who are happy but they might not be happy all the time. Or they do have their life in order and maybe they were fortunate to be raised in good families too. Often the lower intelligent are happier than people with high IQ. This is because they don't see the dark side of things as much. The world caters most to the most average IQ neurotypical person, not to the neurodivergent and high iq people. You are not abnormal for not being able to consistently feel thrilled to be alive and constantly brimming with uncontrolled happiness.

 

[doneforlife]

The thing about happiness is that , it needs some struggle. When you are struggling, and suddenly you are free from that struggle, that brings relief which causes happiness.

Another form of happiness is when you are completely, fully 100% engaged in something. Like when you are creating something..an art form , or music or a story or a piece of code . This might not be happiness in it's truest form , but still , you are deeply engaged to a point that sadness has no room and time flies.

Apart from above 2 , I am not aware of any other form of happiness.

 

[roguetrader]

There are only about 4 ways to derive meaning from life. I wish someone told me this as a youth. 1. Marriage and kids, relationships 2. fullfilling career/job 3. Having religious affiliation involvement 4. Community involvement. If u aren't successful in some of these areas, it will feel like there's no purpose or meaning for your existence. The problem with chasing happiness is that happiness can come and go. One minute you're on top of the world and the next u have an unexpected event that kills your happiness if not permanently but temporarily. You might see people who are happy but they might not be happy all the time. Or they do have their life in order and maybe they were fortunate to be raised in good families too. Often the lower intelligent are happier than people with high IQ. This is because they don't see the dark side of things as much. The world caters most to the most average IQ neurotypical person, not to the neurodivergent and high iq people. You are not abnormal for not being able to consistently feel thrilled to be alive and constantly brimming with uncontrolled happiness.

So true! Unfortunately, I'm 0 for 4

 

[Spiritual survivor]

So true! Unfortunately, I'm 0 for 4

At this time I'm also at 0. I was affiliated with a Christian fellowship which did help me but it still wasn't enough and I wasn't aware I have autism. So it was even effecting me in my ability to be involved in the fellowship in the way they wanted me to be.

 

[TAW122]

I think they are either oblivious to their surroundings and the suffering around them, or they distract themselves really well with copes (games, entertainment, other hobbies, and things they enjoy) to pass time and ignore reality. Also, they could be wearing a mask in public because nobody wants to see someone who is overtly unhappy, so it's possible they may be covertly upset, but overly happy in order to give off the impression that they are happy (even if they are not).

 

[doneforlife]

At this time I'm also at 0. I was affiliated with a Christian fellowship which did help me but it still wasn't enough and I wasn't aware I have autism. So it was even effecting me in my ability to be involved in the fellowship in the way they wanted me to be.

What's fellowship ?

 

[Spiritual survivor]

What's fellowship ?

I had found a private Christian fellowship and was attending and eventually was living there. Basically they hold church in a home and it's not like everyone knows about it, but u get invited through mutual friends. It's very different from a typical church setting. We spend time learning about God, stories in the Bible, understanding the proper meaning of verses, singing songs praising God, we discuss how God helps us, we spoke, pray, sing in tongues. I felt like I actually could connect to God there but not in a regular church setting I couldn't. Regular churches may not really help u to learn how to have a relationship with God or what God actually wants from us.

 

[Dread#0375]

bread and circus, or just a fulfilling life. A lot of people are just fronting, chip away at the facade and they are horribly broken, lost people. Just as long as they have a mundane task to distract them from the utter absurdity and meaningless of life and their certain demise, they can cope. I choose to fold, however

 

[ManByTheRiver]

Happiness is not a permanent state for anyone and everyone who pretends otherwise is exactly that, pretending. Especially in American culture it's a big thing to always "be happy" and pretend like you're doing amazing in whatever you're doing, but it's exactly that, pretending. At most people are content, momentarily happy or depressed all the time.. But if you mean cotent by happy, then it's a different question. Being content is easy if you have nothing to drag you down externally, and if internally you can handle the external factors that you have.