Venting how do people genuinely live like this?

[16thsatirist]

i don't understand how people can be suicidal, yet still live their day to day life and not do anything about it. i just don't understand it. i'm all for the people who are able to get themselves back to their feet, good for them honestly, but i'll never understand...how they got there.

my girlfriend recently just left me, mostly because i am suicidal and she can't depend on me anymore. she was trying to get better, which i was unaware about, but i guess i should have assumed not everyone thinks the same way as me. i just don't know what to do. i have a psychiatrist and everything, but nothing's helping. i just do not think that living is for me, honestly. i don't know how anyone could have been as deep into depression as i am and then they just...got themselves back up? does this make sense? i hope it does, i'm kind of mindlessly venting. i just really, really hate being here.

living is hard, getting better is harder, ctb is easy. i think i know my choice well enough to be certain about what i want.

 

[before20]

Depression is extremely debilitating, people underestimate how much, a lot of the time. Getting better often doesn't = willpower, rather time, resources, and motivation to seek treatment, and luck as to what works. And I'm sorry about your girlfriend, I'm sure that doesn't help :(


(Unrelated, but nice 4 pfp)

 

[16thsatirist]

Depression is extremely debilitating, people underestimate how much, a lot of the time. Getting better often doesn't = willpower, rather time, resources, and motivation to seek treatment, and luck as to what works. And I'm sorry about your girlfriend, I'm sure that doesn't help :(


(Unrelated, but nice 4 pfp)

first of all, cshr lyric in profile? second of all,

i just wish i had that motivation. it sucks to have absolutely no motivation to even do anything at all, forcing myself to even wake up and move around. and yeah, i mean, i'm still friends with my girlfriend, but just no relationship. which sucks really, really bad, but i'll probably be okay in that aspect. not having that luck sucks too, i've tried so many different things, which is kinda why i've come to the conclusion that living just ain't my thing. thank you for the kind words!!

 

[belowaveragefish]

i don't understand how people can be suicidal, yet still live their day to day life and not do anything about it. i just don't understand it. i'm all for the people who are able to get themselves back to their feet, good for them honestly, but i'll never understand...how they got there.

my girlfriend recently just left me, mostly because i am suicidal and she can't depend on me anymore. she was trying to get better, which i was unaware about, but i guess i should have assumed not everyone thinks the same way as me. i just don't know what to do. i have a psychiatrist and everything, but nothing's helping. i just do not think that living is for me, honestly. i don't know how anyone could have been as deep into depression as i am and then they just...got themselves back up? does this make sense? i hope it does, i'm kind of mindlessly venting. i just really, really hate being here.

living is hard, getting better is harder, ctb is easy. i think i know my choice well enough to be certain about what i want.

It's easy to spiral out of control when in a depressive episode. It's easy to say things out of desperation and express emotions through raw outbursts. People who keep saying they want to die, but can't do it, don't actually want to die. They want the pain to stop. Some people manage to pull together the strength to better themselves and heal. Perhaps they find a way to make the pain stop, or at least suppress it enough reliably to continue living. Others take their time to ensure that they want to ctb, realizing that the only solution to a permanently shit life is to end it.

The real hardest part is deciding which direction you want to go. It's a very personal decision and can often leave people in a state of limbo. I've been in that limbo for over 14 years. It sucks, but the answer will come.

 

[before20]

first of all, cshr lyric in profile? second of all,

Yes!

i just wish i had that motivation. it sucks to have absolutely no motivation to even do anything at all, forcing myself to even wake up and move around. and yeah, i mean, i'm still friends with my girlfriend, but just no relationship. which sucks really, really bad, but i'll probably be okay in that aspect. not having that luck sucks too, i've tried so many different things, which is kinda why i've come to the conclusion that living just ain't my thing. thank you for the kind words!!

Just got done bedrotting all day so I feel that hard. Treatment, especially meds, can be a crapshoot; and for people with low motivation, it's even more exhausting to push through after so many failed attempts. I'm curious, though, since you just mention depression - have you've ever been tested for ADHD or something else that causes executive dysfunction?

 

[alwaysalone]

i don't understand how people can be suicidal, yet still live their day to day life and not do anything about it. i just don't understand it. i'm all for the people who are able to get themselves back to their feet, good for them honestly, but i'll never understand...how they got there.

my girlfriend recently just left me, mostly because i am suicidal and she can't depend on me anymore. she was trying to get better, which i was unaware about, but i guess i should have assumed not everyone thinks the same way as me. i just don't know what to do. i have a psychiatrist and everything, but nothing's helping. i just do not think that living is for me, honestly. i don't know how anyone could have been as deep into depression as i am and then they just...got themselves back up? does this make sense? i hope it does, i'm kind of mindlessly venting. i just really, really hate being here.

living is hard, getting better is harder, ctb is easy. i think i know my choice well enough to be certain about what i want.

Compartmentalize

 

[16thsatirist]

I'm curious, though, since you just mention depression - have you've ever been tested for ADHD or something else that causes executive dysfunction?

uuuh, kind of? i was diagnosed with ADD when i was younger, i know that's a part of ADHD (iirc?)

my full list(tm) is OCD, MDD, BPD, NPD, DPDR, and CPTSD along with maladaptive daydreaming, but i'm unsure if that's an actual diagnosis. my psychiatrist has recognized that i have executive dysfunction, probably from the horrid smoothie of mental sillies i got going on.

ironically enough, medicine is the only thing that does really help me. i've tried plenty of other things since i was ~8 or so when i began getting professional mental help. adhd medicine doesn't really help me either, it just makes my chest hurt and gives me brain zaps. benzos help, of course they help, i'm just lucky enough to have a psychiatrist who's willing to prescribe them to me.

(also, good choice of lyrics. that one's a good one)

 

[before20]

uuuh, kind of? i was diagnosed with ADD when i was younger, i know that's a part of ADHD (iirc?)

my full list(tm) is OCD, MDD, BPD, NPD, DPDR, and CPTSD along with maladaptive daydreaming, but i'm unsure if that's an actual diagnosis.

Maladaptive daydream is "unofficial" in that it isn't in the DSM-V, but I always take that thing with a grain of salt.

That's quite a list - it must be a lot to deal with, especially at such a young age, too. It sucks the ADHD meds don't help and even hurt you (!) but it's good to hear your psychiatrist is willing to prescribe Benzos. For what it's worth, I hope you find something more effective.

(And thanks, it's pretty much my life motto.)

 

[usernamesarehard]

i don't understand how people can be suicidal, yet still live their day to day life and not do anything about it. i just don't understand it. i'm all for the people who are able to get themselves back to their feet, good for them honestly, but i'll never understand...how they got there.

my girlfriend recently just left me, mostly because i am suicidal and she can't depend on me anymore. she was trying to get better, which i was unaware about, but i guess i should have assumed not everyone thinks the same way as me. i just don't know what to do. i have a psychiatrist and everything, but nothing's helping. i just do not think that living is for me, honestly. i don't know how anyone could have been as deep into depression as i am and then they just...got themselves back up? does this make sense? i hope it does, i'm kind of mindlessly venting. i just really, really hate being here.

living is hard, getting better is harder, ctb is easy. i think i know my choice well enough to be certain about what i want.

Yeah, I don't know either. Before I used to be suicidal, but in a "I hope I die" kind of way. Now I have to actively CHOOSE to not just eat my apricot seeds and be done.

I guess that's why. Some people are suicidal, but for various reasons it's not bad enough for them to act on it. And for others it's a daily struggle to stay alive. The only thing I look forward to now is November of next year when I can finally go. But as the days go on I wonder why I'm waiting for that day.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

living is hard, getting better is harder, ctb is easy

But that's just the thing, CTB isn't easy. If it was, this site would probably not exist. The fact of the matter is, you're a biological organism from a species that has only gotten this far by evolving an instinct to survive. That kind of wiring--especially the fear aspect--is hard to overcome, no matter how hard living is, no matter how badly you want to die; a lot of it is subconscious/uncontrollable, too.

 

[alwaysalone]

But that's just the thing, CTB isn't easy. If it was, this site would probably not exist. The fact of the matter is, you're a biological organism from a species that has only gotten this far by evolving an instinct to survive. That kind of wiring--especially the fear aspect--is hard to overcome, no matter how hard living is, no matter how badly you want to die; a lot of it is subconscious/uncontrollable, too.

Agree. Fighting death is a subconscious response to danger. I also think psychologically it's partly the "devil you know..." life sucks and for some it's horrendous but we know it death is a complete unknown

 

[lemonandcapers]

i don't understand how people can be suicidal, yet still live their day to day life and not do anything about it. i just don't understand it. i'm all for the people who are able to get themselves back to their feet, good for them honestly, but i'll never understand...how they got there.

my girlfriend recently just left me, mostly because i am suicidal and she can't depend on me anymore. she was trying to get better, which i was unaware about, but i guess i should have assumed not everyone thinks the same way as me. i just don't know what to do. i have a psychiatrist and everything, but nothing's helping. i just do not think that living is for me, honestly. i don't know how anyone could have been as deep into depression as i am and then they just...got themselves back up? does this make sense? i hope it does, i'm kind of mindlessly venting. i just really, really hate being here.

living is hard, getting better is harder, ctb is easy. i think i know my choice well enough to be certain about what i want.

You're right. Life is hard, especially with depression. Speaking from experience as someone who is "mostly functional" despite being very suicidal, I continue pushing through day by day because I am afraid of the consequences of throwing my life away. Just as I have an option to die, I want an option to live if I so choose in the future. If I throw my entire life away and CTB, then it won't truly feel like my choice. I'm not sure if that makes sense