How do normal people deal with breakups?

[s-w]

My long-term girlfriend of 6.5 years left me recently which is the sole reason I am planning to ctb soon, but how do normal people deal with it? I have begged her endlessly for one last chance for me to fix things. How do people just go no contact without wanting to die if they love that person? For me, it's either me and her forever, or I will not go on with my life anymore. I don't understand how people don't feel any differently if they are actually committed to their partner.

 

[tweaka2x]

this is something I would also like to know. I seemingly am left way too distraught afterwards while everyone else is just fine only minutes after? how? why does my love leave others so easily? they said it would last forever. Now here I am months later and this stupid meaningless thing which just occoured to me might just be my final straw

 

[Sutter]

Love.

You may not like this response, if in doubt stop now.

Love isnt greedy or needy it just is. Love is something that doesnt ask in return, it can be platonic, sensual, close, intensely intimate. It can be all those things, shared, not shared. For whatever reason she has decided to part ways, if you love her, let her do so, that is loves way.

It can never,…let me say that again love can never be forced, ever.

Fill your heart with love for her, when she is gone cry, break, fall down without her, breathe, watch a few sunsets. It may be that you will rise another day or it may not but you had a chance to love, you know it, have known it. There are many that have never known it, realize the gift you were given and be as thankful as you can that it visited you for a bit.

Oh..Im not always a good response but I am one. From one who has lost love to another.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Hello, I would like to share a response.

I'll first start by addressing you saying how you "don't understand how people don't feel any differently if they are actually committed to their partner." People do usually feel devastated by the loss of a significant other. While it may differ in how others show it or deal with it, almost (key word there) everyone deals with some form of pain. One person I know dates around to fill the void, but it's temporary fulfillment and she never truly heals. One took to the gym as a coping mechanism and is now in excellent physical condition. Another still laments over the loss, no attempts to heal and is miserable. I only can think of one person who has truly healed, took the time, and is now in a healthy relationship.

Personally, I can completely empathize as my first attempt was a few months after my breakup. I'm doing much better now and I hope, if you stick around, you can feel better too. I know you seem to love this girl and if you do, and you may not like to hear this, it's best to let her go. If not for her, then for yourself. It seems like your torturing yourself and she doesn't care, and I know the feeling all too well from past experience. Go no contact, and resist those urges to give in and message her, block her number or delete it if you have to, as you need to heal from this breakup.

 

[KillingPain267]

Yeah, it's a mystery to me too and I'm still waiting for an answer. Some say time heals it but it's been over a year since my marriage of 8 years ended suddenly. Ironically I was prepared to mourn just for 2 weeks and then get over it because I read in some article that that's normal. But 2 weeks became 2 months and 2 months soon will be 2 years. Yet I'm still here and don't feel better.

TV shows also made it seem like it just takes a few days to get over, and those days include some drinking. So now I have developed a drinking problem. It turns out reality is far more creepy and scary than even the most controversial violent horror movies show.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

For context I am a 55f, I have had a few long term relationships and 1 divorce. My first breakup was when I was in my 20's. I was devastated and couldn't work or get out of bed. I thought my life was over and I wanted to die. I got through it by forcing myself to hang out with friends and engaging in other hobbies
Grieve this loss as you would a death.
Time will soften the blow and you will eventually meet someone else. I am assuming you are young? The first breakup is always the worst because you believe so much in the promise of forever in love. I've learned in my ripe old age that relationships come and go, people change over the years and often grow in different directions. Love is fleeting. Enjoy it while you have it because it usually does not last a lifetime except for a lucky few. I hope you don't cbt over this. You can move on my friend and find love again.

 

[soledad.virgen]

those who get over it easily don't love as hard/truthfully, simple as

 

[alienfreak]

It turns out reality is far more creepy and scary than even the most controversial violent horror movies show.

Yes, this is how i feel.

I can't cope with the fact that no matter how much you love someone and how long its been, people seem to just wake up one day and turn into an unpredictable demon. It's impossible to understand anyone else's experience of life. So many stories of people in long marriages that are fine and then it suddenly turns into a nightmare. It's all incomprehensible to me. I don't know how anyone can trust anyone and continue to engage in relationships after gaining awareness of all this. I suppose it is all just silly irrational emotions that come from evolution for pair-bonding and reproduction; we're monkeys beholden to bullshit brain hacks like pheromones. It is all completely absurd.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Time is the only cure. That's a guarantee. And deactivate all of your social media accounts that would give you even the slightet bit of exposure to her.

 

[pollux]

The Last Psychiatrist: Crazy

 

[antony]

Sometimes never. You just learn how to handle it.

 

[F@#$]

Love is a lie, nothing will hurt you more.

 

[CogitoMori]

It's better not to know it at all than it is to lose it imo. One is painless, the other isn't. Emotional pain isn't a gift
Love is not fleeting. It doesn't leave you. That's infatuation.
Time doesn't heal anything, it only makes things worse. If what your mind believes is in contradiction to reality then it's irrelevant.

 

[KillingPain267]

It's all incomprehensible to me. I don't know how anyone can trust anyone and continue to engage in relationships after gaining awareness of all this.

Yeah, this also makes no sense to me, even before it happened. I have no desire to remarry whatsoever. Why someone would do that is absolutely puzzling to me. It's almost like self-harm or sadism! Studies show that when people divorce and remarry, each new marriage is more likely to fail exponentially. If I remarry I would be subjecting the spouse to paranoid behavior and it wouldn't be fair to them. I have no trust in humans and their "love" anymore, not even my parents. Unconditional love is something humans are incapable of, pure and simple.

People say we should just try to heal and start being able to trust again. But we DID trust someone and it turned out bad. So trying to trust again goes against everything we experienced. "Learning to trust again" seems like sadism. It is also gaslighting because it assumes it is us who are wrong for not being able to trust, when in fact it was the other partner who broke their promise. I never promise anything anymore and I don't believe someone promising anything. I prepare for the worst and I'm usually right, so at least I'm prepared. I think that is why I've lasted so long.

It's better not to know it at all than it is to lose it imo. One is painless, the other isn't. Emotional pain isn't a gift
Love is not fleeting. It doesn't leave you. That's infatuation.
Time doesn't heal anything, it only makes things worse. If what your mind believes is in contradiction to reality then it's irrelevant.

Absolutely brutal, but it's the truth. Time doesn't heal all wounds, what an obvious lie. Have they never heard of chronic infections? Lol

Yes, it's better not to have ever loved. I was lonely before my marriage, but at least I felt a glimmer of hope. I was only slightly suicidal. Now that my spouse left it was the final straw and the 8 years of wonderful experience feels like nothing compared to the pain now. Pain is not worth the pleasure, even according to David Benatar's asymmetry argument. Breakups also make you question if the relationship was even legit and it's an absolute emotional torment to think about this every day. It literally sometimes feels like I'm suddenly teleported back to before my marriage, like it never happened, back to my lonely self but with added scars and pessimism.

 

[Reflection]

It's better not to know it at all than it is to lose it imo. One is painless, the other isn't. Emotional pain isn't a gift
Love is not fleeting. It doesn't leave you. That's infatuation.
Time doesn't heal anything, it only makes things worse. If what your mind believes is in contradiction to reality then it's irrelevant.

This.

I would rather be that lonely guy marathoning my favourite video games in my free time than whatever I am right now. I was lonely, but not depressed nor suicidal.

I am grateful for the good times I had with her but it cost me more than it was worth, it would've only been truly worth it had she been still here with me but as it stands, 14 months after she was gone, the only thing I long for second to her is death and time ain't healing shit.

I don't know how anyone can trust anyone and continue to engage in relationships after gaining awareness of all this

Because there is still to be gained there, not everyone gets into relationships because of love and attachment, sometimes it can be for what the other person brings to the table physically, emotionally and financially.

Time is the only cure. That's a guarantee. And deactivate all of your social media accounts that would give you even the slightet bit of exposure to her.

Nothing in this life is a guarantee. Also I think that being exposed to her is irrelevant as it changes nothing about the situation.