1up
Member
- Aug 30, 2021
- 98
-
If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
Makko
Iä!
- Jan 17, 2021
- 2,430
It depends.
Some people are wired to be uncomfortable with a large group of people but can function well with one or two.
Some neglected social skill development when younger and are now somewhat awkward.
Some actually dislike others and find it hard to mask their contempt.
If you have a desire to become more social, it is like any other skill development program. You start with small steps and as you acquire skills, you move on to larger ones.
The first area of skill development would be with the casual encounter. This is what you have with store clerks or people you encounter in parking lots, subways, and elevators. There is only time for a quick quip, or humorous comment that eases social awkwardness. This is usually a 20-30 second window of opportunity for a unidirectional declarative statement. For example when walking by an mother embarassed holding a crying infant, you might say, "I remember the first time I heard about income tax too." A humerous comment like this can help alleviate the mother's anxiety and can even be appreciated.
After being able to navigate these waters, a person can begin to experiment with bilateral exchanges such as brief comments about the weather, sports, inflation, etc. (politics or religion may be topics for the advanced student)
Mastery (or at least adequacy) of the casual encounter will be key to opening social opportunities for greater social depth. Some general principles for this level are ;
1. Ask questions that show a genuine interest in the other person.
2. Do not talk about yourself too much.
3. Disagreements do not always have to be given voice.
4. Criticism of others can make people uncomfortable.
5. Do not offer unsolicited advice.
The key to experimentation is frequent attempts. The sooner you discover your own techniques that are successful, the sooner you become more proficient.
Some people are wired to be uncomfortable with a large group of people but can function well with one or two.
Some neglected social skill development when younger and are now somewhat awkward.
Some actually dislike others and find it hard to mask their contempt.
If you have a desire to become more social, it is like any other skill development program. You start with small steps and as you acquire skills, you move on to larger ones.
The first area of skill development would be with the casual encounter. This is what you have with store clerks or people you encounter in parking lots, subways, and elevators. There is only time for a quick quip, or humorous comment that eases social awkwardness. This is usually a 20-30 second window of opportunity for a unidirectional declarative statement. For example when walking by an mother embarassed holding a crying infant, you might say, "I remember the first time I heard about income tax too." A humerous comment like this can help alleviate the mother's anxiety and can even be appreciated.
After being able to navigate these waters, a person can begin to experiment with bilateral exchanges such as brief comments about the weather, sports, inflation, etc. (politics or religion may be topics for the advanced student)
Mastery (or at least adequacy) of the casual encounter will be key to opening social opportunities for greater social depth. Some general principles for this level are ;
1. Ask questions that show a genuine interest in the other person.
2. Do not talk about yourself too much.
3. Disagreements do not always have to be given voice.
4. Criticism of others can make people uncomfortable.
5. Do not offer unsolicited advice.
The key to experimentation is frequent attempts. The sooner you discover your own techniques that are successful, the sooner you become more proficient.
BeansOfRequirement
Behind the guilt was compassion
- Jan 26, 2021
- 5,747
Soulless Angel
Did someone say Rum?
- Jul 6, 2020
- 1,272
you mean you want to *people*? brave person, very brave person and good luck, but nope from me!
3rd worlder issues
Member
- Sep 12, 2021
- 16
Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 31 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 444
Throw yourself into the deep end of the pool by jumping into voice chats on apps like Clubhouse or Discord.
It will be painful at first, because you'll hear people's tones changing when they realize you're an inexperienced socializer (or maybe they'll just start talking over you), but I have always felt like those Discord chatrooms are an excellent resource for socially-awkward people. Believe me, I can sympathize. I am one.
It will be painful at first, because you'll hear people's tones changing when they realize you're an inexperienced socializer (or maybe they'll just start talking over you), but I have always felt like those Discord chatrooms are an excellent resource for socially-awkward people. Believe me, I can sympathize. I am one.
Take some risks.
For a year or so of my life I forced myself to say yes to pretty much everything. It didn't totally change my life but it helped me to come out of my shell a little.
There was a time that I just assumed that people who didn't talk to me were aloof or just didn't like me, but it turns out they might just be shy or nervous or a little antisocial too.
Also, look into the possibility that you have been traumatised in your past. You might not be as antisocial as you think. Maybe you just learned to be this way in order to survive.
For a year or so of my life I forced myself to say yes to pretty much everything. It didn't totally change my life but it helped me to come out of my shell a little.
There was a time that I just assumed that people who didn't talk to me were aloof or just didn't like me, but it turns out they might just be shy or nervous or a little antisocial too.
Also, look into the possibility that you have been traumatised in your past. You might not be as antisocial as you think. Maybe you just learned to be this way in order to survive.
1up
Member
- Aug 30, 2021
- 98
I'm afraid I've been misunderstood; sorry I wasn't more clear guys. I mean antisocial as in behavior that is maladaptive for people, and this does include asocial behavior.
However, I particularly mean the compulsion one may get to do bad things. Like lie, steal, retaliate, etc (though they may not want to engage in such behaviors)
However, I particularly mean the compulsion one may get to do bad things. Like lie, steal, retaliate, etc (though they may not want to engage in such behaviors)
Soulless Angel
Did someone say Rum?
- Jul 6, 2020
- 1,272
Not wanting to get locked up for being a potential nut job may be why some refrain from such behaviours....
Darkmoon Queen
Specialist
- Apr 1, 2020
- 396
Lying, stealing and retaliating are all avoidant behaviours if you look at it. They either involve deceit or 'winning', none of them deal with an actual issue.
If you want to stop applying these band-aids, you need to look at your problems and make a plan to work on them. Write a list of what bothers you, write out several possible courses of action and their outcomes.
As you deal with each thing, you'll gain confidence and you'll start to like yourself. Then you'll feel less need to apply band-aids.
Is this the same as anti social personalisty disorder? What if in the heat of the moment they retaliate but realise in afterwards it was unaccceptable behaviour?
TriggerHappy
In the kingdom of th blind; the one-eyed are kings
- Jan 24, 2021
- 1,298
I've worked damn hard on my 'antisocial behaviours' - im grateful to them they've kept me alive this long!! Though I have been in asylums and prison, so maybe not a clear win...
Maybe look at your triggers.
Maybe look at your triggers.
Elv_ira
Member
- Jul 18, 2021
- 9
Elv_ira
Member
- Jul 18, 2021
- 9
Elv_ira
Member
- Jul 18, 2021
- 9
I don't think that's me. How do you know punishment is what reduces these behaviours?
Soulless Angel
Did someone say Rum?
- Jul 6, 2020
- 1,272
because in reality who wants to be punished? I mean don't get me wrong there are prob some people who get off on it, but none of us want to be locked up? If we did then why aren't we accepting of saying being in a pysc unit?
Fk_life
I hate reality.
- Nov 16, 2021
- 22
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