M0nolith
life is only an illusion, a dream.
- Apr 23, 2023
- 41
how do i stop feeling ultimate pain and despair, i can no longer stand it. pills and professionals don't help. i no longer have the strength to move my body, or the will to keep going. when i explain how i feel i am either met with judgement, misunderstanding, or panic. it makes me never want to open up. then again what is the point when no one will understand anyways. i don't want to be here anymore. i don't have a purpose. i don't have anything. i do not enjoy life. i am just existing. why is it like this. why do i suffer. why can't i be happy. why is existence so cruel. i don't want to feel the pain anymore. but i can't bear the thought of my mother being alone.
i sob so hard because i can no longer be happy. i feel like i will never be understood. i wasn't always like this. why did i change. why. i miss how i felt before. and i will never get anything back. i'm so ashamed. i'm 10 years old again and just want my mother.
i want to be gentle i want to be graceful i want to be brand new. i hate everything i've done the things i've done why have i done these awful things.
i'm ugly and i wish i knew how to love easier. why do i feel everything so deeply. i wish i wasn't born wrong. i wish that was my fault. i wish i had a say in my faults.
i sob so hard because i can no longer be happy. i feel like i will never be understood. i wasn't always like this. why did i change. why. i miss how i felt before. and i will never get anything back. i'm so ashamed. i'm 10 years old again and just want my mother.
i want to be gentle i want to be graceful i want to be brand new. i hate everything i've done the things i've done why have i done these awful things.
i'm ugly and i wish i knew how to love easier. why do i feel everything so deeply. i wish i wasn't born wrong. i wish that was my fault. i wish i had a say in my faults.
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