How do i rebuild my relationship with family?

[cryone]

It just kind of hit me how i have no genuine connection with my mom or my sister. its weird, cause i live with them but they dont feel real. i hardly talk with them unless i have to. i dont remember the last time i had an actual conversation with either of them.

i used to cherish my mom as a child, and i think thats how it should be. Now, ive just treated her like a lifeless entity. She's in her late 50's, overstressed, and unloved. i really want to fix our relationship. i feel guilty for being unable to return her love for years b/c i had lost complete meaning in life.

and itd be great aswell to form a connection with my sister aswell. but shes not old, overstressed, unloved, or uncompensated.


so how do i start rebuilding my relationship? any tips to start forming meaningful bonds without my actions seeming too out of the blue (so they arent suspicious of an ulterior motive) would b appreciated. my mom loves gardening and flowers. she also loves collecting antiques, but we already have more than enough.

 

[Sivuras]

I've always had a bit of a distance towards my family, but, also open and honest(Well, the last 8~ years). So forgive me if this is a silly question. But could you not be somewhat honest? "I feel like I've been distant and I feel bad about that, I'd like to do something together" or something to that effect? I know it's more complicated in other peoples situations, but if they know what you're doing, even if not the full reason, it sounds like it would be easier. Working on a relation helps if both parties are pulling in the same direction afterall. And it would prevent you having to feel worried about coming on too strong.

 

[cryone]

But could you not be somewhat honest? "I feel like I've been distant and I feel bad about that, I'd like to do something together"

i didnt think about this. i could, but its not ideal. its very unusual in our traditional household to discuss any emotions or vulnerability at all. if i did, id probably have to phrase it much differently. im also worried abt the fact that it has an accountability factor to it that im fearful i will break.

but yeah, im thinking abt it and the accountability aspect is acc v beneficial. Thanks for your input, i will probably try talking it out.

 

[ChronicPainExistent]

its very unusual in our traditional household to discuss any emotions or vulnerability at all.

It's hard to build a genuine connection with people without discussing emotions or showing vulnerability; I would think that for your familial relationships to truly be rebuilt, being able to show emotional vulnerability would be crucial.

Perhaps, to start off with: I might suggest asking questions. Small things; innocuous curiosity."How are you?" "How'd the gardening go?" / "Any new flowers?" (To use the examples you'd given of your mother's interests.) Perhaps do things to try to be around them a little bit more