Help How do I minimize my friends pain to my death?

[EdibleGasMask]

Hello everyone, I might've asked a question similar to this before but I guess I'm still confused. My friends have had people in their lives commit and its been very painful for them. I don't want my friends to be hurt but I imagine they think the same way about me. I've tried for a long time to live for others because I lost the will to live myself. I feel like I've lost the ability to make any effort in life anymore it all feels useless. I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I will only create pain every direction I go. I could continue with how I am now but I can't keep it up its only been harder over time to come up with different reasons to stay at all. Is writing a note for my friends the best I can do if go down this path? Any input is appreciated.

 

[LastWhisper]

The same for me bro. Although my personal note more likely won't affect my friends in any way, I would say that some kind words and/or explanations in your note could be helpful for them. Not sure if there is something more we can do in that case.

 

[SanJunipero1]

My fiancé died by suicide and I can tell you that unfortunately nothing will make it easier pain wise. When I became suicidal, not wanting to put anyone else through that pain is what kept me from attempting but I soon realized that simply living for others isn't enough.
I have since decided that no one's grief is more important than another person's pain. The only thing you can do for them is take away the questions? The whys? The what if's. If you can leave a note explaining your reasons and if you have tried to get help, talk about that too so they'll know you did everything you could to stay.

 

[ovaltinee99]

Maybe it would be helpful to emphasise your gratitude for all the help and kindness they extended. The pain of those left behind largely comes from the guilt of thinking they could have helped and prevented it, so maybe it's better to reassure them that they did everything they could but at the end of the day this is your choice.

Also please be kind to yourself. Sounds like you've endured a lot for others.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Maybe it would be helpful to emphasise your gratitude for all the help and kindness they extended. The pain of those left behind largely comes from the guilt of thinking they could have helped and prevented it, so maybe it's better to reassure them that they did everything they could but at the end of the day this is your choice.

Also please be kind to yourself. Sounds like you've endured a lot for others.

I agree with this. It helps them to know that they're not at fault and that ultimately it's your choice.

I hope things turn around for you so that you don't have to feel like this anymore.

 

[k75]

I really struggle with this, too. The reality is: you can't. If they really care about you, losing you will hurt them. There's nothing you can do to prevent or minimize that. Even if they understand and support you, they'll hurt.

The best you can do is give them closure and not leave unanswered questions. So yes, probably a note is the best you can do. Or anything along those lines you can think of. It's not going to take away their pain, but at least they will have it to remember you by.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

I'm trying to mitigate the pain to those left behind too. Timing is my issue. Will it hurt now more than later? Can I even tolerate staying for at least another week as promised?

 

[virginiawoolf86]

I'm trying to mitigate the pain to those left behind too. Timing is my issue. Will it hurt now more than later? Can I even tolerate staying for at least another week as promised?

I feel your pain. We've lost a few friends/relatives recently. Do I wait? Can I wait? I don't have much fight left in me.

 

[MBY85]

I believe that if they love you they are going to suffer. In your place I would try to let them a good/sweet last memory of you. A last moment together that can be meaninful,words from you heart...
A big hug for you

 

[muffin222]

You can't. You can't control how other people will feel after you're gone or how it will impact them

 

[cemetorium]

i don't think you can, but you can give them closure by writing a note. maybe try to reassure them that it was not their fault, a lot of people left behind think they were at fault or that they could've stopped it, even though neither are true.
i had a friend die by suicide a few months ago, she didn't leave behind any kind of note to her friends. her death was traumatizing to me and i believe the lack of closure played a large part in that. it wouldn't truly have made the pain easier but i think it would have helped me process and cope with it better.

in short you can't control how your loved ones will feel when you're gone, but giving them some kind of closure is very important, imo.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

The harsh truth is that it will suck for a lot of people. Those closest to you will feel guilty, even though, in many cases, there was nothing they could do to help. You can't control how they will feel. They can't control how you feel. You have to live for yourself. Right now, I'm living for my mother. It will be pretty much impossible to get her on board with the idea that it's okay for me to die. I am, however, engaging in discussions with her so that she is not exactly shocked by the actual act. If she was surprised, I think it would hurt more. The fact that she knows I've had these feelings, that she knows I expressed my disillusionment with life, that she knows I tried before, that she knows I've been suffering... I'm hoping those will cushion the blow a little. It's still going to hurt like hell, though.

 

[Kramer]

My friends will think
I ghosted them, which I will have literally.

 

[Fizz]

A lot of guilt stems from the possibility that you could have done more or failed the person themselves. My friend ctb in June and even though we did everything we could to get her the help she needed it wasn't enough. There's anger at the MH services who failed her over the 9 months she was declining, and I miss her every day. That pain is important because she mattered and I don't want her not to matter. But I think she knew she was loved, and at least it's not weighing on my mind that there was something else I could have done.

 

[Aap]

The best you can do is not leave any messes to the best of your ability, not leaving anything unsaid, and write a touching last note.

 

[Ae54rge]

write an honest letter, explaining all your pain, your previous struggles to get help and how they failed, how you can't cope with the pain, explain how it's impossible to wake up for another's happiness, its easy to be 100% honest with someone when you know you won't be there after they read it.

Good luck OP, Stay safe on your journey, I hope your suffering ends one day either way