rikamonie
Experienced
- Jun 3, 2020
- 290
i didnt know what to label this as.. story? venting? but i guess i do need help on this matter
the story is very long and iv mentioned it a few times in posts before so ill just sum it up hopefully (edit: ah it still ended up being long)
my girlfriend and i broke up, she broke up with me because there was several things i did that hurt her, such as not making her not feel excited about things she was excited to do (like going out places) it was winter i made a fuss about going outside because im very sensitive to the cold, i wish i would have been happy and enjoyed it, i know i would be able to change that aspect of me in future to just be more enthusiastic about going out to do things, there was more things about wanting attention online (we are long distance and when we aren't together i need alot of attention) in real life i dont need that
the problem is being able to prove that those things would change and be different in a relationship had we moved in together like we were planning, i obviously know that i had reasons for the way i acted mostly because i knew we would only have 2 weeks together so i wanted to spend all of it in private before we had to be apart again for months and months and months, but theres no way she can know that, if we were together i would have no need to be that way
she wont give me another chance in a relationship because she doesnt believe it would change, which is completely understandable and i accepted it but it hurt so much i thought i would CTB soon because of it
anyway recently we have become friends, as much as we can when both of us are hurting, today i asked her if there is any way i can prove to her that things would change, while being friends
she said she may have a change of mind if she sees that things would be different although she thinks 100% that people cant change, so she is allowing me to prove myself to her by being friends, she said we would have to meet up again for her to fully be able to see my change, which would not happen for probably a year and theres no guarantee we would get back together but there is a chance it would work
so what i need help with is, how can i be strong? how can i find strength to wait a year to find out?
if my mum had not taken the day off work today i think i would have attempted.. my pain is so awful that i dont even want to be around any more i dont think that i can even last a month
so how can i possibly go on for a year? i really really want to give this a go, i dont want to die and i really want to spend my life with her so if there is even 1% chance then i want to try
my fear is that when my SN or N arrives that i will want to give up.. and that my pain will last too long to wait for a year how can i make myself stick around that long not knowing if itll work? ideas?
edit: what would i even do with my life while waiting for a year? i cant go back to what i was doing normally
the story is very long and iv mentioned it a few times in posts before so ill just sum it up hopefully (edit: ah it still ended up being long)
my girlfriend and i broke up, she broke up with me because there was several things i did that hurt her, such as not making her not feel excited about things she was excited to do (like going out places) it was winter i made a fuss about going outside because im very sensitive to the cold, i wish i would have been happy and enjoyed it, i know i would be able to change that aspect of me in future to just be more enthusiastic about going out to do things, there was more things about wanting attention online (we are long distance and when we aren't together i need alot of attention) in real life i dont need that
the problem is being able to prove that those things would change and be different in a relationship had we moved in together like we were planning, i obviously know that i had reasons for the way i acted mostly because i knew we would only have 2 weeks together so i wanted to spend all of it in private before we had to be apart again for months and months and months, but theres no way she can know that, if we were together i would have no need to be that way
she wont give me another chance in a relationship because she doesnt believe it would change, which is completely understandable and i accepted it but it hurt so much i thought i would CTB soon because of it
anyway recently we have become friends, as much as we can when both of us are hurting, today i asked her if there is any way i can prove to her that things would change, while being friends
she said she may have a change of mind if she sees that things would be different although she thinks 100% that people cant change, so she is allowing me to prove myself to her by being friends, she said we would have to meet up again for her to fully be able to see my change, which would not happen for probably a year and theres no guarantee we would get back together but there is a chance it would work
so what i need help with is, how can i be strong? how can i find strength to wait a year to find out?
if my mum had not taken the day off work today i think i would have attempted.. my pain is so awful that i dont even want to be around any more i dont think that i can even last a month
so how can i possibly go on for a year? i really really want to give this a go, i dont want to die and i really want to spend my life with her so if there is even 1% chance then i want to try
my fear is that when my SN or N arrives that i will want to give up.. and that my pain will last too long to wait for a year how can i make myself stick around that long not knowing if itll work? ideas?
edit: what would i even do with my life while waiting for a year? i cant go back to what i was doing normally
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