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I believe this to be only partly true, that is because our interactions with other people can affect our life experiences, our mood, our mental health. Saying that a person needs to be 100% healthy and fulfilled before she can have relationships would imply that people don't need relationships and healthy interactions with other human beings at all.
No one is 100% healthy. Even the person you think has a perfcet life has issues, they just keep em quiet and in most cases try to deal with them the best they do. Bsically we are all on the same boat trying the best with the hand we have been dealt.
No one is 100% healthy. Even the person you think has a perfcet life has issues, they just keep em quiet and in most cases try to deal with them the best they do. Bsically we are all on the same boat trying the best with the hand we have been dealt.
Thank you for that. I always assume that I'm the fucked up one and everyone else is fine. I'm very open with people about my struggles which is why I feel only I suffer.
I feel like my feelings are as extreme as someone with BPD. Cptsd and bpd overlap
How? And how would it help?
Ocd and ptsd.
I've had many chances over the years, but they've dwindled in part because of the pandemic and because I left the city. Rent in the city has gone up a lot.
A problem that I'm facing is meeting older women who have substance but aren't interested due to age difference. Going back to my generation and below is emotionally and intellectually unfulfilling.
Some older women like younger men. I have a friend that is a sugar babe for an older woman, they have like a 15 year age gap. So who knows maybe check if there are some sugar babe version for guys. Don´t know how old are we talking about, but what some female friends ahve told me is that after 35 or 40 they feel that they have missed the boat if they are single or no kids, so they are more open to whatever. Also in a lot of cases there is less competition as guys their age tend to prefer them younger.
Thank you for that. I always assume that I'm the fucked up one and everyone else is fine. I'm very open with people about my struggles which is why I feel only I suffer.
Some older women like younger men. I have a friend that is a sugar babe for an older woman, they have like a 15 year age gap. So who knows maybe check if there are some sugar babe version for guys. Don´t know how old are we talking about, but what some female friends ahve told me is that after 35 or 40 they feel that they have missed the boat if they are single or no kids, so they are more open to whatever. Also in a lot of cases there is less competition as guys their age tend to prefer them younger.
Not a lot of people do it. Just be wise who you open up with..
You can't unless you truly just enjoy being alone, we're only human. But it sounds to me you just want sex and not a relationship. People have relationships even when they're on disability and the ugliest of ugliest, so that's not an excuse.
I'm sure I could go to a bar and get a hot girl to hookup, but I don't want that. Problem is this black hole in me is in part caused by abandonment issues and abuse I experienced as a child. No therapist has been able to help me with this.
A relationship probably wouldn't even work since I'm on disability.
:(
I'm on disability too. Not that I'm physically disabled, it wasn't my choice to be on ssi, it was my grandparent's because I didn't know how to do things that other people could do at age 18. (Drive, pay bills, do taxes, etc.) so they saw me as a cash cow instead of teaching me these important things so I can be independent and free from their control. All of this makes being alone even more unbearable because my anxiety makes me believe that no man would want to date a loser like me.
I really want someone to love, play video-games, go to the Ren Faire and Conventions, etc. I just worry about a lot of things that might make me an unsuitable candidate (I don't believe in marriage, I don't want kids, I live with controlling hoarder grandparents, etc.)
You can't unless you truly just enjoy being alone, we're only human. But it sounds to me you just want sex and not a relationship. People have relationships even when they're on disability and the ugliest of ugliest, so that's not an excuse.
I think about this a lot too. I've come to the conclusion that my only three options are to:
1) Lower all of my standards. To me this wouldn't really help since it wouldn't be real love coming from my end sadly. I don't think this works because then it leads to meeting terrible people anyway.
2) Wait a few decades for technology to advance to a degree where it can create things like a perfectly immersive virtual reality or hyper specialized yet affordable artificially intelligent robots that can successfully fill the void. You could also just wait less time for civilization to collapse and maybe at least it won't matter anymore.
3) CTB. This is the option I have chosen and fits me the most because I'm too impatient to wait for technology to improve and my standards got lifted far too high by the last person to show interest in me meaning it would be completely unfair to anyone even if they were stupid and/or crazy enough to be attracted to me.
I think about this a lot too. I've come to the conclusion that my only three options are to:
1) Lower all of my standards. To me this wouldn't really help since it wouldn't be real love coming from my end sadly. I don't think this works because then it leads to meeting terrible people anyway.
2) Wait a few decades for technology to advance to a degree where it can create things like a perfectly immersive virtual reality or hyper specialized yet affordable artificially intelligent robots that can successfully fill the void. You could also just wait less time for civilization to collapse and maybe at least it won't matter anymore.
3) CTB. This is the option I have chosen and fits me the most because I'm too impatient to wait for technology to improve and my standards got lifted far too high by the last person to show interest in me meaning it would be completely unfair to anyone even if they were stupid and/or crazy enough to be attracted to me.
I've had many chances over the years, but they've dwindled in part because of the pandemic and because I left the city. Rent in the city has gone up a lot.
A problem that I'm facing is meeting older women who have substance but aren't interested due to age difference. Going back to my generation and below is emotionally and intellectually unfulfilling.
Take what I say here with a huge granule of salt. I have been through the same and also suffered with longing for many years before I realized that a partner or a person wasn't going to "rescue" me or give me meaning in my life, or really make me happy. I think people vasly overestimate romantic love and what it can do for you. The meaning comes from within. It is about developing a new relationship with yourself and as hokey as it sounds, learning to love yourself. What that means specifically is your conception, but working on the self and gaining self-worth, self-love, and self-confidence is imo the only antidote to this feeling. If one tries to ignore this important task, they are essentially trying to take a shortcut that will manifest itself problematically in whatever relationship they do end up in. Again, this is just my experience and opinion.
Take what I say here with a huge granule of salt. I have been through the same and also suffered with longing for many years before I realized that a partner or a person wasn't going to "rescue" me or give me meaning in my life, or really make me happy. I think people vasly overestimate romantic love and what it can do for you. The meaning comes from within. It is about developing a new relationship with yourself and as hokey as it sounds, learning to love yourself. What that means specifically is your conception, but working on the self and gaining self-worth, self-love, and self-confidence is imo the only antidote to this feeling. If one tries to ignore this important task, they are essentially trying to take a shortcut that will manifest itself problematically in whatever relationship they do end up in. Again, this is just my experience and opinion.
My point is that if you don't love yourself, this will show up in other ways with a partner anyway. A loving partner can surely mirror back to you the things you may need at an unconscious level - of your self-worth, your loveability, but ultimately, a partner is just another human. They are limited. And to put all your hopes and expectations for happiness on another person is of questionable value imo. That's not to say you shouldn't pursue love. But not skip over the important work. Good luck.
Take what I say here with a huge granule of salt. I have been through the same and also suffered with longing for many years before I realized that a partner or a person wasn't going to "rescue" me or give me meaning in my life, or really make me happy. I think people vasly overestimate romantic love and what it can do for you. The meaning comes from within. It is about developing a new relationship with yourself and as hokey as it sounds, learning to love yourself. What that means specifically is your conception, but working on the self and gaining self-worth, self-love, and self-confidence is imo the only antidote to this feeling. If one tries to ignore this important task, they are essentially trying to take a shortcut that will manifest itself problematically in whatever relationship they do end up in. Again, this is just my experience and opinion.
I disagree even though it probably is true for many people.
At least in cases like myself, I've dug so deep that nothing I do with my own physical abilities will ever be enough to get out least of all self love, which coming from me would purely be lying overconfidence at this point that can easily be proven wrong. At least when I got close to having someone else love me I could tell that if it had been given more time that being able to focus on someone else for once would have also led to me caring about myself more. Then again it could still be true for most people but I guess if the solution to wanting to live is for me to be able to love myself then that will literally never happen for me and I'd just rather be dead.
My point is that if you don't love yourself, this will show up in other ways with a partner anyway. A loving partner can surely mirror back to you the things you may need at an unconscious level - of your self-worth, your loveability, but ultimately, a partner is just another human. They are limited. And to put all your hopes and expectations for happiness on another person is of questionable value imo. That's not to say you shouldn't pursue love. But not skip over the important work. Good luck.
I don't know but I'm experiencing the same thing in our Christian fellowship they always say seek God first, put God first and all the other things u want will be added on to u. I don't know if I totally buy it. I don't know if God can help me get a partner at this point. I'm not very young.
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