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VampQueen

VampQueen

Forklift Certified
Feb 6, 2024
114
All day ive been switch from my phone to laptop, then back again to phone. just repeating the cycle. I shutdown my devices only to get back on them 5 minutes later.
I can't seem to feel much of anything other than boredom and emptiness. I remember last night i couldn't stop crying when I was editing my note but not even a lip quiver today while editing it. In fact i think i perfected it.
I just want to smash my phone, drive to the canal by my house and throw it in as far as i can, or even chuck it un the air and watch it come crashing back to earth.
 
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burner4242

burner4242

Member
May 5, 2024
36
All day ive been switch from my phone to laptop, then back again to phone. just repeating the cycle. I shutdown my devices only to get back on them 5 minutes later.
I can't seem to feel much of anything other than boredom and emptiness. I remember last night i couldn't stop crying when I was editing my note but not even a lip quiver today while editing it. In fact i think i perfected it.
I just want to smash my phone, drive to the canal by my house and throw it in as far as i can, or even chuck it un the air and watch it come crashing back to earth.
I've been there a few times. A few attempts, a few letters. The one to my sister made me physically ill. I OD'd after writing them and thinking about her and my cat made me make myself vomit everything up. They both needed me. When I told my friends what happened they came to my side to comfort me. I don't know your situation and who or what you have In your life. I've seen a few of your posts though. Anything really trigger this today? Do you think reaching out to someone that cares about you a friend or family member would help?
 
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VampQueen

VampQueen

Forklift Certified
Feb 6, 2024
114
I've been there a few times. A few attempts, a few letters. The one to my sister made me physically ill. I OD'd after writing them and thinking about her and my cat made me make myself vomit everything up. They both needed me. When I told my friends what happened they came to my side to comfort me. I don't know your situation and who or what you have In your life. I've seen a few of your posts though. Anything really trigger this today? Do you think reaching out to someone that cares about you a friend or family member would help?
Yeah excuse my post, sorry about that.
As far as something in particular triggering me?? I'm not so sure. Feels like a build up of bottled up emotions and stress, not something acute.
And no, unfortunately I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to or help.
 
burner4242

burner4242

Member
May 5, 2024
36
Yeah excuse my post, sorry about that.
As far as something in particular triggering me?? I'm not so sure. Feels like a build up of bottled up emotions and stress, not something acute.
And no, unfortunately I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to or help.
Don't apologize, you're ok. We've all been there. I wouldn't let your bottled up emotions and feelings cause you to do something you don't really want to do. I'm sure there's at least one person out there who would want to talk to you and make sure you're ok. Either it be an old friend or a family member you haven't spoken to in a while. If all else fails I'll talk to you. I've seen your effort and progress don't throw it all away because of some heavy emotions today. Ok?
 
VampQueen

VampQueen

Forklift Certified
Feb 6, 2024
114
Don't apologize, you're ok. We've all been there. I wouldn't let your bottled up emotions and feelings cause you to do something you don't really want to do. I'm sure there's at least one person out there who would want to talk to you and make sure you're ok. Either it be an old friend or a family member you haven't spoken to in a while. If all else fails I'll talk to you. I've seen your effort and progress don't throw it all away because of some heavy emotions today. Ok?
you've seen my effort and progress?? Not to be negative but.... how? I don't see any progress or effort. All I've seen in myself is regression.
And idk maybe i do have at least one person to talk to but its so awkward. it always end up being a conversation of me being a miracle baby ( I died at birth due to a pre-existing heart condition) and its really annoying.
 
CoRaven

CoRaven

Raven of Melancholy
Jan 15, 2024
12
Yeah excuse my post, sorry about that.
As far as something in particular triggering me?? I'm not so sure. Feels like a build up of bottled up emotions and stress, not something acute.
And no, unfortunately I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to or help.
I'm open to talking. I deal with frequent apathy too.
 
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burner4242

burner4242

Member
May 5, 2024
36
you've seen my effort and progress?? Not to be negative but.... how? I don't see any progress or effort. All I've seen in myself is regression.
And idk maybe i do have at least one person to talk to but its so awkward. it always end up being a conversation of me being a miracle baby ( I died at birth due to a pre-existing heart condition) and its really annoying.
You've been looking for jobs and saying you've been going somewhere to pass time (a moth man museum? I think?) And reach out to them I'm sure they would much rather hear about you being in a bad mental state than you being very dead. And just tell them you don't want to talk about your heart condition. You post in recovery. You want to change you just don't know how to really get there.
you've seen my effort and progress?? Not to be negative but.... how? I don't see any progress or effort. All I've seen in myself is regression.
And idk maybe i do have at least one person to talk to but its so awkward. it always end up being a conversation of me being a miracle baby ( I died at birth due to a pre-existing heart condition) and its really annoying.
Lmk how reaching out to the person goes. If they don't respond positively I'll be here to listen. Ok?
 
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Abandoned Character

Abandoned Character

(he./him)
Mar 24, 2023
233
It's okay to be apathetic. When I am in my lows, what often keeps me there is the terrible cycle of beating myself up for feeling like shit. Seriously give yourself permission to feel exactly how you feel. From there, a deep inner desire might arise that hasn't had the space before to be heard. I do not know your situation so there isn't much for me to offer here, but maybe that's something you haven't thought of/experimented with yet. It's brutal out there, good luck in whatever you choose to do.
 
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