You unfortunately. They have their own minds and make their own decisions and trying to convince them usually has the opposite affect,
Exactly.
I think the best you can do is simply improve all the other aspects of your life. For instance, losing lots of weight, be in shape and get a better job.
Thus, if she/he checks your social networks or simply talks to you, they will be more interested in you.
Looking better is always a plan but I insist, magic doesn't exist. Forcing somebody to like you or go back to your life doesn't work.
Deathbydemo
Mage
- Feb 15, 2020
- 518
You can't. If she has decided she doesn't want to be with you, there's very little to nothing you can do. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.
Into The Void
Student
- Mar 10, 2021
- 196
I have being there unfortunately there is not alot you can do at all. Focus on yourself don't waste your time and energy. I know it's hard and pushes you to your limits. If you ever need to chat just pm me
Don't! Whenever I tried, it became so humiliating. She will just pump her ego and she will take more distance.
Even if you convinced her to come back, eventually she would feel more and more obliged and it will make things fall apart again.
I've been there already..
Even if you convinced her to come back, eventually she would feel more and more obliged and it will make things fall apart again.
I've been there already..
Donk
Useless since day 1
- Jan 3, 2020
- 1,129
I don't think this is something you learn. either you got it within you or you don't. Much rather leave her alone and let time heal the wound. If you can't get over your ex then there are deeper issues at play here. Perhaps OP has abandonment issues. This is all speculation at this point as I'm not familiar with OP's story. All I know is that things will never return to normal even if she decides to return to the relationship.
Into The Void
Student
- Mar 10, 2021
- 196
I've used seduction theory and techniques on my now GF and it's worked quite a bit. Granted she probably would have went for me regardless of the seduction but I think it helped.
Couldn't agree more. I wasted 10 years in this cycle, until I saw that it was my own ego I was chasing, (in my mind it was "he can't possibly not love me, I am so special and did everything for him - he's just hurt and scared and can't admit it but he'll wake up if if I just do this or that or he sees how amazing I have become!) That whole time I was really campaigning for ME, for my image, for my self-esteem that I thought would come back if he came back. Instead the humiliation of doing that dance lowered my self esteem further. The truth was we were locked in our own dramas from childhood wounds - and neither of us actually loved the other, or even liked each other all that much tbh. We liked to hurt one another, jockeying for control and power. Of course I thought it was the biggest love story of all time and now I'm embarrassed. I wasted so much time (being hopelessly in love kept me safe from other guys - trust issues galore!), and then when I finally broke free, I got sick. Now I can't imagine I will get a second chance with someone who would have appreciated me.
not too different from my story.. I know, it sucks.
Anyway it's hard to understand if we are trying to increase our self esteem by chasing the people that leave us. Often these people are so weird that they wake up in the morning and they decide to break up. Those are the break ups that are more painful; one is not even ready and he is taken by surprise..
It happened so many times to me that once I asked to a person that did that: "why are we going to close things in such a way. You have not even told me that there was something that was not working between us".
The reply was: "then how should we close the relationship? should we have a party with friends, eat pastries and then I will tell you that I want to break up?".
It's sad, but that's how such people think.
Sometimes we should realize that not all the people think like us.
@Canttakeitanymore see if she'll meet you as friends for coffee or drinks. Work on rebuilding your friendship and trust first, then see if you can get back to where you were in the relationship.
Best of luck.
Edit: this will take some time, she's not going to be your gf again the first time you hang out.
Best of luck.
Edit: this will take some time, she's not going to be your gf again the first time you hang out.
