Help How do I commit to a date? I lack the motivation

[icantwait_togo]

I've completely ready and prepared plan wise, but I have been struggling to actually commit to a day. I don't know if this is SI, but how do I get over it? Every day I wake up I'm like shit, I should have done it last night, and I live the whole day in pain and just hope for it to be over soon.

I tell myself, I'm going to do it tonight, but I fucking fall asleep. It seems more difficult for me because I'm so prepared, that I have no room to be impulsive. I need that impulsive motivation to help me complete it.

 

[jatty]

Jesus christ im in the same situation. Im even more hopeless because I feel like deepdown I know i will never die because of my shitty si.
I feel like im in absolute hell and I cant escape.

Im attempting again soon. Im more confident.
Think abt the reason behind your si.
My si is mainly because, if i survive, i dont want to fuck up my future. And im scared of the 30 mins of passing out and feeling my body actively decay. It freaks me out and will probably make me call police.

Im more confident because I have a plan in case i survive that wont fuck my future, and I reframed my thoughts so the passing out will seem nice. (Numbess in body can feel quite nice actually..)
I also pre set everything before the time. So, I have 50ml water of two drinks out, and I have my bottle of kn next to it for when I measure. I also have all my meds next to me.

I also reframe my thoughts a lot, basically. Think about the most relieving thing ever. Ever woke up from a nightmare and it wasnt real? Ever got that apology you were always looking for? I think of passing in that way.

Paradoxically, you need to shut your mind up. Like shut up. I truly feel most determined when I have nothing going on in my head except the bottle and cups being prepared. I feel like, of all the people who attempted, that is a final indicator. Being fully in the moment for yourself. Which is a hard thing for a lot of mentally ill people here. To truly shut your mind off. Have you ever experienced that? If not, it will be really hard, and its crucial to find that.

Im not advocating for anything, and anything you do is your own discretion.

 

[icantwait_togo]

Jesus christ im in the same situation. Im even more hopeless because I feel like deepdown I know i will never die because of my shitty si.
I feel like im in absolute hell and I cant escape.

Im attempting again soon. Im more confident.
Think abt the reason behind your si.
My si is mainly because, if i survive, i dont want to fuck up my future. And im scared of the 30 mins of passing out and feeling my body actively decay. It freaks me out and will probably make me call police.

Im more confident because I have a plan in case i survive that wont fuck my future, and I reframed my thoughts so the passing out will seem nice. (Numbess in body can feel quite nice actually..)
I also pre set everything before the time. So, I have 50ml water of two drinks out, and I have my bottle of kn next to it for when I measure. I also have all my meds next to me.

I also reframe my thoughts a lot, basically. Think about the most relieving thing ever. Ever woke up from a nightmare and it wasnt real? Ever got that apology you were always looking for? I think of passing in that way.

Paradoxically, you need to shut your mind up. Like shut up. I truly feel most determined when I have nothing going on in my head except the bottle and cups being prepared. I feel like, of all the people who attempted, that is a final indicator. Being fully in the moment for yourself. Which is a hard thing for a lot of mentally ill people here. To truly shut your mind off. Have you ever experienced that? If not, it will be really hard, and its crucial to find that.

Im not advocating for anything, and anything you do is your own discretion.

Thank you, I hope to find that moment where my brain can be quiet and I can just do what I know I want to. I wish SI didn't exist. I hope you find the peace your looking for.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

I also have this problem. I am actually also like you well prepared and everything but si is very strong and also all these what if questions which are torturing me although i know that it'll work.
Maybe some alcohol could help you to ctb because whenever I drink a little bit i can feel it that then I could kill myself. Its not much alcohol because if drunk one could mess up the ctb method but just little bit is enough for me to realize all my pain and what i have to do. Its like being reminded completely about all the reasons why i wanna kill myself.