How did you know it was time to CTB?

[Sadgirldaisy]

For those of you that are going to CTB soon, how did you decide it was the right time?

 

[pillow933]

I think for me the biggest factor that drives survival instinct is the 'what if'. What if things start to get better, what if I meet people, what if I eventually find something that gives me a purpose and satisfaction? I think it's why so many people have been on this forum for so long, because it's in our nature to look to rationalise and try and seek out potentially realistic outcomes that would make suicide a bad choice, and for a lot of people the 'what if' might actually be right. But, after so long of trying to give yourself chances, trying to give life another opportunity to get better, you begin to lose hope - but it is generally speaking a long process I think. For me, I think it's soon because the what if's are almost non-existent, I'm at peace with the idea of dying, the likelihood of realising a 'what if' means it is worth less to me than the peace that death would give me. I've had many experiences of strong suicidal ideation in the past, but there was always a strong presence of the idea that things might get better, which I think ultimately is what stops us.

 

[Huntfish34]

Good question, I'm not sure exactly... but what I am Certain of is that I'm sick and tired of being fckn sick and tired. So I must go... only a matter of time. Fml.

 

[Worndown]

I can only guess but I bet that when it is time, you will know.

 

[Lifeless mindset]

When there's nothing left to live for

 

[Ifonlyitwassosimple]

When I realized there's no way I can fix my life and turn it around.

 

[nonialabaster]

For those of you that are going to CTB soon, how did you decide it was the right time?

It's taken me nine months, since my husband died. We were each others everything, and he died in April. Tried going back to my job, after numerous leaves. I quit when they cut my hours, even though they knew my situation. I'm going to get a proper rope Monday and will do it next week, with luck about a proper noose. My entire family has told me I should be over it by now. It's not a divorce, idiots. My life died with him.

 

[Capsaicin78]

I think for me the biggest factor that drives survival instinct is the 'what if'. What if things start to get better, what if I meet people, what if I eventually find something that gives me a purpose and satisfaction? I think it's why so many people have been on this forum for so long, because it's in our nature to look to rationalise and try and seek out potentially realistic outcomes that would make suicide a bad choice, and for a lot of people the 'what if' might actually be right. But, after so long of trying to give yourself chances, trying to give life another opportunity to get better, you begin to lose hope - but it is generally speaking a long process I think. For me, I think it's soon because the what if's are almost non-existent, I'm at peace with the idea of dying, the likelihood of realising a 'what if' means it is worth less to me than the peace that death would give me. I've had many experiences of strong suicidal ideation in the past, but there was always a strong presence of the idea that things might get better, which I think ultimately is what stops us.

It's the same thing for me. I'm currently running out of energy. Only have a little bit left. Dont know how that energy can be used for another 4 to 5 decades of this shit lol

 

[Szinuus]

I couldnt stand the pain flare and decided to end it then.

 

[hunterfla]

It's taken me nine months, since my husband died. We were each others everything, and he died in April. Tried going back to my job, after numerous leaves. I quit when they cut my hours, even though they knew my situation. I'm going to get a proper rope Monday and will do it next week, with luck about a proper noose. My entire family has told me I should be over it by now. It's not a divorce, idiots. My life died with him.

So sorry to hear about your husband. I know from experience that any breakup/loss is difficult enough, but when you didn't make the choice and it wasn't a bitter thing, that makes it a million times worse. I hope you find peace and if you need an ear or shoulder - I'm here.

 

[sigh333]

mmm really appreciate this question ~ just posting to follow replies. because i'm struggling with the same thing, the timing. can we really ever know it was *the* "right" time?

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

with luck about a proper noose

don't leave the noose down to 'luck'. that's the most important part, next to the mooring (where the ligature is attached to the load-bearing point). you certainly don't want either to fail before you cross the 'brain death' threshold only to be left a drooling invalid/vegetable. plenty of info on google

 

[stoicseal]

I realized I'd seen enough lmao. The things I was holding out for happened and ended up not being all that great anyway. Death it is!

 

[nonialabaster]

don't leave the noose down to 'luck'. that's the most important part, next to the mooring (where the ligature is attached to the load-bearing point). you certainly don't want either to fail before you cross the 'brain death' threshold only to be left a drooling invalid/vegetable. plenty of info on google

Would I be better off buying a handgun? I still have a little bit of money. I don't want to end up "in care." I'm spending a lot of it on booze. Can I do it from my back door? I'm five feet, three inches and weigh 115, on a good day.
How the hell did Tony Bourdain and Kate Spade do it? It sounds so effortless, but Mark was my mechanic. And he's dead, so I can't ask him.
Lame attempt at levity. I'm available for children's parties. Try the veal and tip your bartenders!

 

[outrider567]

It's taken me nine months, since my husband died. We were each others everything, and he died in April. Tried going back to my job, after numerous leaves. I quit when they cut my hours, even though they knew my situation. I'm going to get a proper rope Monday and will do it next week, with luck about a proper noose. My entire family has told me I should be over it by now. It's not a divorce, idiots. My life died with him.

Same here, although I'm retired- My life died with her, my life is just an empty shell, no enjoyment left to it anymore

 

[ElfenLied]

When I've always been treated badly my whole life, when I've always been alone, when everything has lost its charm and when nothing in this life makes me want to live in it..

Living is torture.

 

[Miss Anthropy]

For me its when, the pull from death became greater than the pull to be alive. It turned from a want to die, into a need to die.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

This truly applies to me, and I think this applies to most people.

When you have made all the choices you wanted, yet it still didn't work out, I think that's the universe telling you time is up :/