How did the onset of depression look for you? At what age? This also stands for other illnesses 🫂

[venin.n]

I was 24 when it happened. I was studying a lot and gradually I felt I couldn't learn anymore, I was repelled by my books, by college, everything.

I'll give more details later as this is all I can recall rn (depression)

I didn't have an apetite for food anymore. I couldn't sleep anymore, just for a couple of hours. I feel like I just woke up in hell. I didn't knew what was happening to me.
I felt like my interior just shut down and something very dark and cruel had taken its place. Every second felt like pure torment, like an eternity.

 

[Seered Doom]

8-12 in school and it was a masked facade of happiness with inner turmoil that was constantly made fun of by others and being pushed into silence and told to not speak on anything I like which made it so I had to change my whole identity to be blank and marked by others to be what they liked.

 

[dizzdesi]

Eek...I'm 24...about to be 25 next week. I've been in and out of college since I started. Seems like every time I sit down to study or do assignments, my immediate thought is: "what's the point?" I hope you're not too hard on yourself about it. <3
I was about 12 when my signs of depression kicked in, functioned until the age of 20 for whatever reason things took a nose dive from there. That was when I got diagnosed with major depression (as well as bpd and gad). Everything seems like a chore. I'm sorry OP; I know mental illness kicks my ass every day and I'm unhappy you deal w that too

 

[nozomu]

I don't remember what it was like. I was very very young. 4-6 years old or so.

 

[Darkover]

i was happy all the way up until the age of 18 and half i became depressed because of a relationship break up and realizing we are nothing forever

The only certainty in life is death, The most terrifying thing to a human is death. By bringing a child into the world, you force another being into a form of existential bondage where it is perpetually frightened of and certain of its own impending death. It's completely unjustifiable.

that and the fact i thought i'd never get sex again 20 years later still not had sex again
it's enough to drive anyone into madness

 

[venin.n]

I don't remember what it was like. I was very very young. 4-6 years old or so.

How (old) are you now?

 

[poofart]

Probably since age 7ish. I would try to drown myself in the bathtub.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I say I've had depression my whole life, as I have diary entries from when I was 5/6 about wanting to ctb. I think it really got severe when I was 14, let up a little in college, and then came back a little in early covid (until I started exercising daily lol) and a lot when I started grad school at 23.

 

[venin.n]

Probably since age 7ish. I would try to drown myself in the bathtub.

I'm terribly sorry

 

[slothstar56]

My onset was around age 50 when I realized my body was not going to support me like it had and there were things I couldn't do anymore.
There are many other daily factors, work life, home life, missing out on things, I think I realized how miserable I was when I was stuck at home during Covid. Isolation can mess with your mind. I function as best as I can and can put on a good happy face.

 

[venin.n]

Eek...I'm 24...about to be 25 next week. I've been in and out of college since I started. Seems like every time I sit down to study or do assignments, my immediate thought is: "what's the point?" I hope you're not too hard on yourself about it. <3
I was about 12 when my signs of depression kicked in, functioned until the age of 20 for whatever reason things took a nose dive from there. That was when I got diagnosed with major depression (as well as bpd and gad). Everything seems like a chore. I'm sorry OP; I know mental illness kicks my ass every day and I'm unhappy you deal w that too

I'm sorry we can both relate to these fucking plagues

 

[Ruma]

I've had depression on and off since the age of 19 (I'm now 48) I don't know why,but I get it every four years or so. As soon as I start losing weight & my appetite I just know I'm in for another bout. I've been off and on Prozac for 29 years!!!

 

[Vesiira]

I was 24 when it happened. I was studying a lot and gradually I felt I couldn't learn anymore, I was repelled by my books, by college, everything.

I'll give more details later as this is all I can recall rn (depression)

I didn't have an apetite for food anymore. I couldn't sleep anymore, just for a couple of hours. I feel like I just woke up in hell. I didn't knew what was happening to me.
I felt like my interior just shut down and something very dark and cruel had taken its place. Every second felt like pure torment, like an eternity.

i'm 24 now, but i think i was about 11? i learned from an early age how little people will care about you unless they can benefit you. all my friends started choosing others and were acting "too cool" for me. i started thinking that if i disappeared, everything would be better. that no one would really notice or be affected much. ever since then i've thought about death and been plagued by depressive thoughts and suicidal ideation. i still can't tell anyone the extent of my anguish, they wouldn't understand. they'd just try to fix me. what if i'm past fixing? i just want peace.

 

[venin.n]

i'm 24 now, but i think i was about 11? i learned from an early age how little people will care about you unless they can benefit you. all my friends started choosing others and were acting "too cool" for me. i started thinking that if i disappeared, everything would be better. that no one would really notice or be affected much. ever since then i've thought about death and been plagued by depressive thoughts and suicidal ideation. i still can't tell anyone the extent of my anguish, they wouldn't understand. they'd just try to fix me. what if i'm past fixing? i just want peace.

Me too. If you wanna vent or something I'm here

I'm so sorry it was that way for you…

I've had depression on and off since the age of 19 (I'm now 48) I don't know why,but I get it every four years or so. As soon as I start losing weight & my appetite I just know I'm in for another bout. I've been off and on Prozac for 29 years!!!

Fucking hell

 

[Vesiira]

Me too. If you wanna vent or something I'm here

I'm so sorry it was that way for you…

Fucking hell

It's alright. Thank you!!! Existence just isn't very fair sometimes. I'm sorry you feel the same. <3

 

[venin.n]

It's alright. Thank you!!! Existence just isn't very fair sometimes. I'm sorry you feel the same. <3

It isn't fair most of the times, from what I've seen, sadly

You seem like a really great person. They were just aholes or envious. I'm sure you didn't deserved the things that happened to you

 

[vuberpoot1]

For me, I think things kicked off when I was about 12. Failing or losing things just filled me with really deep despair, which gradually worsened throughout high school (with hot spots around the times I had relationships ending). I don't know if anyone can relate to this feeling, but now it feels like even just the thought of not succeeding makes me want to quit and ctb. At college, I could only receive so many unsatisfactory grades and rejection emails until I just wanted to be done with everything. That, on top of the fact that I have no social life and no one actually thinks of me as more than just an object for them to use.

 

[venin.n]

For me, I think things kicked off when I was about 12. Failing or losing things just filled me with really deep despair, which gradually worsened throughout high school (with hot spots around the times I had relationships ending). I don't know if anyone can relate to this feeling, but now it feels like even just the thought of not succeeding makes me want to quit and ctb. At college, I could only receive so many unsatisfactory grades and rejection emails until I just wanted to be done with everything. That, on top of the fact that I have no social life and no one actually thinks of me as more than just an object for them to use.

The relationship endings were horror for me also… I'm sorry to hear you felt so depressed are you planning on ctb-ing?

 

[IsThisEverything]

I've been unhappy for as long as I can remember. As I've got older, it's got progressively worse and had more of an impact on me. This is why I don't think I will ever recover from my depression: it's a fundamental part of me that's always been there, it wasn't triggered by an event or happened at a certain time in my life.

 

[vuberpoot1]

The relationship endings were horror for me also… I'm sorry to hear you felt so depressed are you planning on ctb-ing?

Thinking about it, I'm just kinda in limbo, you know? At this point, I feel like I could go either way, and with some time I'll be able to decide if I'm gonna ctb.

 

[Agon321]

I think when I was about 14 (maybe the second half of 13) depression technically started. At that time, for example, I started playing truant A LOT. I am currently 20 and the question is not if I will commit CTB, but when I will.

 

[venin.n]

Thinking about it, I'm just kinda in limbo, you know? At this point, I feel like I could go either way, and with some time I'll be able to decide if I'm gonna ctb.

I understand where you stand. Too good

I've been unhappy for as long as I can remember. As I've got older, it's got progressively worse and had more of an impact on me. This is why I don't think I will ever recover from my depression: it's a fundamental part of me that's always been there, it wasn't triggered by an event or happened at a certain time in my life.

I also tend to think that sometimes. I'm sorry

 

[kilowatt]

I was definitely not diagnosed at that age but the most I can remember is that 6th grade is when it went downhill. 8th grade was when I bounced back, but just a few months later it all went down the drain with the beginning of 9th grade. I can't say I was quote on quote ''bullied'', like in the movies, but people really started to pick on me for my looks, especially my weight, so that's when I developed the ED that changed my life. By the middle-near end of 6th grade I was isolating myself to the point I didn't want to get out of the house anymore due to social anxiety. I would fight any attempt to be taken outside. End of 8th grade is when I started to seek help but at the same time developed unhealthy coping mechanisms like SH. Of course, I didn't get the help I needed, as here you're considered dead end insane if you go to therapy. My mother couldn't put that name on her daughter. High school was just an endless pit of depression. High school is over and I'm still there.
*For reference I turn 20 in less than a month, fortunately I don't think I'll reach a 20th birthday.

 

[Nlis2244]

I was 16, almost 17. I think I had been depressed for years but I never realized until then. A few months or weeks before that I even checked the symptoms of depression and for some reason I thought that I had none of them, when I really had most. For the first few months I think I was very visibly depressed, but then I just learned to live with it and never showed it so much again. Now it's very strange to think that there was a time when I wasn't like this.

 

[figurehead]

My first crisis was quite sudden and acute, at 18. It just engulfed me, I was at the last year of high school and simply couldn't stand the thought of going to school anymore. I did go back after 3 months, but it was a long period of depression before I started shifting to mania. Doctors were giving up on me and I didn't have trust in them either. It wasn't too long ago que my doctor found the holy grail, the right combs of drugs. The school drama was repeated tho. It happened at college up to my doctorate. I know it sounds unbelievable but concomitantly to wanting to give up everything I had spurts of life and stubbornness that made me insist on whatever I wanted with that. I'm reasonably sane today, but academia has become my biggest hangup which embraces me when everything goes black.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

Officially, I was diagnosed with depression around age 13 due to my parents divorcing. I want to say I've had it earlier than that (10-11? maybe earlier?) after my parents being continually annoyed and disappointed with how much of a failure I am. I distinctly remember overhearing an argument they had over how I still didn't know how to tie my shoes at age 11.

I can't exactly remember when I became suicidal, aside from offhandedly mentioning how I didn't want to live anymore when my parents were lecturing me about doing poorly in school. I'm sure it was before that, but I can't remember when or why.

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

I was 24 when it happened. I was studying a lot and gradually I felt I couldn't learn anymore, I was repelled by my books, by college, everything.

I'll give more details later as this is all I can recall rn (depression)

I didn't have an apetite for food anymore. I couldn't sleep anymore, just for a couple of hours. I feel like I just woke up in hell. I didn't knew what was happening to me.
I felt like my interior just shut down and something very dark and cruel had taken its place. Every second felt like pure torment, like an eternity.

I'm sure I was deposed for longer but I took my first overdose when I was 13. (I'm now 42)

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think I was 10 when I first got depressed. I realised what life truly is and, additionally, I never made a friend or even an acquaintance which contributed to me suffering a lot.

 

[nozomu]

How (old) are you now?

Almost 30. Rough life lol

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I noticed that I didn't fit in with other kids around 3rd-ish grade.

I started experiencing actual depression in high school. Also developed an eating disorder and self-harm around this time. I was so tired all of the time, I would get home from school and immediately go to sleep. The nurse's office let me sleep there during lunch since I was so tired and didn't eat anything anyway.

It got a bit better once I went to college, but in general hasn't abated much despite meds and therapy. No longer have an ED or urge to self-harm, thankfully