Venting How could anyone actually want to exist here?

[FuneralCry]

This is something that I've never been able to understand, I've never wished to be here and I've never seen existence as being something appealing and desirable, to me existence is completely pointless and unnecessary, it's just a process of waiting around to die where we are destined for nothing but to be tortured by old age.

Life worshipping and glorifying really just comes across as so absurd to me as I always see it as being preferable to not exist, I see existence as a burden, it's tiring just being conscious and aware. And as well as that existence is just so harmful, I could never wish to exist in this world filled with risks and endless potential for suffering, I just think that existence is something so dreadful in general that only leads to more suffering where all that is inevitable is decay and loss.

But even if there wasn't any extreme suffering all that would remain is emptiness and the awareness of how truly futile everything is. Existence itself is the ultimate problem and I see death as being the only relief, I bet so many would finally leave if suicide was made much easier, I'm always very tired of existing.

 

[Victim.Of.Life]

I loved life when I was still together with my ex girlfriend. Those 5 years were beautiful.
I fucked everything up. Life has been terrible this past year.

 

[Kikoo]

I loved life when I was still together with my ex girlfriend. Those 5 years were beautiful.
I fucked everything up. Life has been terrible this past year.

Same. 2 years. I fucked up. Without him nothing makes sense anymore.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

The worse my personal situation gets the more I don't want to exist any longer.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

This is something that I've never been able to understand, I've never wished to be here and I've never seen existence as being something appealing and desirable, to me existence is completely pointless and unnecessary, it's just a process of waiting around to die where we are destined for nothing but to be tortured by old age.

Life worshipping and glorifying really just comes across as so absurd to me as I always see it as being preferable to not exist, I see existence as a burden, it's tiring just being conscious and aware. And as well as that existence is just so harmful, I could never wish to exist in this world filled with risks and endless potential for suffering, I just think that existence is something so dreadful in general that only leads to more suffering where all that is inevitable is decay and loss.

But even if there wasn't any extreme suffering all that would remain is emptiness and the awareness of how truly futile everything is. Existence itself is the ultimate problem and I see death as being the only relief, I bet so many would finally leave if suicide was made much easier, I'm always very tired of existing.

The memories I made with my ex best friend make it worthwhile

 

[BetterInTheory]

Couldn't have said it better. Existence is absolutely pointless, and I think there needs to be some level of self-delusion or cognitive dissonance to function "normally". I sometimes wish I could live like others - not aware of all the horrible suffering or aware but still able to compartmentalize and carry on with their lives.
There's also this inherent value placed on life that I simply do not agree with. I read somewhere that life is like a cult. The more I come across how people respond to someone wanting to opt out, the more true this feels. People hate it when you speak negatively about living or wanting to opt out.

 

[SilentSadness]

This world is a lucky draw where some people lack the "awareness" of how futile everything is. Some people are extremely lucky whereas others are devastatingly unlucky all the time. If someone wants to be here, it's probably because they're lucky. But I think when you have awareness of all the suffering in this world it's difficult to be indifferent.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Life could be cool if you're conventional in all the key ways.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess people simply find value and joy in things that you don't. Could be anything- relationships, interests, career, hobbies, travelling. If you love to do something- you don't need other people to tell you whether it's worthwhile or not.

There certainly is suffering in life and there is of course the distinct possibility we may lose the things we love. Some people still rebound from that though. They find other things to try and replace the things they lose and they cherish the memories of the things they had. It doesn't necessarily make them lose their love and lust for life.

I also think maybe there's a distinct possibility that their brains work differently to ours. I do feel like there are natural optimists and pessimists in this world. I don't know if they are just wired differently but I'd have to say- they are probably the more 'normal'. Not that we are all that natural anymore but- it isn't 'natural' for an animal to want to kill itself. We have evolved to want to survive. On that note- you see them as delusional but I imagine they feel the same way about you/us. It's debatable on whether they are more in the right.

How can any of us insist that our brain is functioning optimally? How can we know? That goes the same for pro-lifers of course. Maybe they are delluded. Who knows? Not that I want this to come across as bullying you but you have mentioned in the past that you have high functioning Asperger's. Do you not suppose this influences how you perceive the world? It's not to say you're wrong. It's just saying that our own perceptions and experiences in life shape how we see it. I imagine a lot of things in life trigger you and make you unhappy- noise, people, positive opinions. I guess for a lot of people, they just let stuff wash over. Less upsets them. Coupled with a genuine interest in things- life may well seem worth living for them.

Personally- I'd prefer to leave it that we all have the right to think and feel about life what we choose to- without being called crazy/delluded. That goes the same for us and them.

Of course- if it was just opinions and we all respected one another's choices- we'd be ok. The problem of course lies in the fact that their pro-life opinions affect us. With regards to that- I'm with you all the way. I hate it that they superimpose their love for life on people who are suffering and want out. Just calling us crazy and too mentally incompetent to be able to make that decision for ourselves. That's where it becomes such a problem.

 

[cryvinglightning]

you need luck even when you're born. if everything is random and all of your cards are absolute shit, you'll end up dreading breathing and existing as a whole. i'm sort of happy and really jealous of people who have all the right cards, because it means that they have reasons to love existing. i don't hold anything against those lucky people.

existence to me at this point is just a game of seeing how long i can go on until i decide that i've had enough. you could say that's a gamble as much as being born.

 

[KillerIsMe]

Different brain chemistry

The memories I made with my ex best friend make it worthwhile

Your namesake, Meow, is very adorable and it makes me happy whenever I see him/her