Venting How commiting CTB affects the people arround me; and how I wish it didn't.

[shinitai_sh0jo]

This is a topic I don't usually think about much, but... it turns out to be true, in some cases. At least on mine, I think.

Depending on how deep you are in your own well, it's difficult to see how your absence could affect others around you. I think it's something I turned a blind eye to, though thinking and actually knowing that information just made me feel even worse with myself.

People around me insist a lot on how I would be selfish if I ever did something, how their lives would never be the same without me, and things like those... But in all honesty, it's like people want us to live, even if we suffer.

The miscommunication on those kinds of topics just makes the problem worse... But I truly wish I didn't feel like I was so weak. Because if anything, all I do is always wrong, and I'm always never doing enough... Is my pain that invalid?

I don't even know if I want anyone to understand anymore. I just don't want to have a seizure attack because of discussions like those again.

I'm tired and sad of living worried about what others think, and never be able to think things through.

 

[loslassen]

I understand you heavy, at least on a personal level, I care about how me leaving would affect my family, and how burdening it is to go through life just imagining what they'd feel like. I can't do that to them because I care, but they won't stop abusing me either, so I don't know what to turn to.


also, realest pfp

 

[StarryEyed]

It's one of the few reasons I'm still here - to protect friends and family from suffering. But I'm still considering it. Perhaps if it wasn't for them, I'd have left long ago. Perhaps it's a double-edged sword.