This was several years ago. I don't remember what drove me to it but medication in my house was kept in a locked box due to my previous attempts as a depressive and impulsive young teenager. I had found a way to pick this box. While everyone in my house was taking a nap, I opened the box that had many different kinds of both non and prescription medication inside. At least 30+ different medications and there had to be at least a few hundreds pills. I started to take fistfuls of whatever. I don't even know exactly what it was, or how much but it was a mix of everything, benadryl, several past antidepressants I was prescribed, and others. I started to feel tired so I took one of the zip lock bags in the box that was filled with pills and then attempted to close the box, but for some reason it wouldn't shut. So I put the box behind the couch, took the bag and went to my room. I was so out of it, I had the bag of pills openly on my nightstand as I relaxed in my bed. I was suddenly awoken by a family member who had found the open box. I could barely respond to them. They said I was blue. I went back to sleep and emergency services were called. I was woken up again and had to come downstairs. I don't really remember much except being put on the stretcher and the officer telling me to keep my eyes open. I had apparently vomited before being on the stretcher though I have no memory of this. And that is all I remember. I was apparently in a three day coma at the hospital and my blood pressure was dangerously low. Everyone said I probably would have died if I wasn't found, but I wonder how true that is. A few years ago I thought I was on my way to recovery. I thought that the worse was behind me. I unfortunately no longer think that is the case. I never want my family to find me, and I regret the awful image I gave them of me that is burned into their mind but I really wished they never found me alive. I wonder how close I really was to succeeding.
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,394
I am sorry for your pain. And I am sorry that your thoughts about life did not change since years. Do you get good help after you tried to commit suicide?
Nobody really know if you would have died or not. Some bodys are really strong, others not. But three days unconsciousness and a very low pressure sounds like a dangerous thing. Maybe you would have lived but with damages, a low pressure means low oxygen for the body. Damages are possible, all people with brain damages after suicide dont write in online forums, because of that sometimes it seems that there are only two options: death or life. But the option life with brain damage is sadly also a big possibility.
You can try to have a look in the hospital report.
Nobody really know if you would have died or not. Some bodys are really strong, others not. But three days unconsciousness and a very low pressure sounds like a dangerous thing. Maybe you would have lived but with damages, a low pressure means low oxygen for the body. Damages are possible, all people with brain damages after suicide dont write in online forums, because of that sometimes it seems that there are only two options: death or life. But the option life with brain damage is sadly also a big possibility.
You can try to have a look in the hospital report.
I understand your thoughts. I've come close a few times. For me, it was upsetting when I realized I was still here. It sounds like you were frustrated as well. What works for me is realizing that making an impulsive attempt will likely not work for me. I realize being impulsive may be the answer for some people. I however need a plan.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 45,466
The thought of failing ctb is what scares me but at least you didn't end up with any kind of damage from that experience. That is the most terrifying thing to me, but it did sound awful what you went through and it's really understandable how you wish that you succeeded. It's horrible to me the thought of attempting ctb and just ending up back in this world.
Braindead Atheist
Specialist
- Oct 7, 2020
- 387
You attempted to kick life's @$% so good for you. I'm sorry it came to that, but life is definitely going to get it from all of us lost souls oneday. I know there's nothing after, but given how Fucked up things are, that's perfectly fine with me. I'm sorry that you couldn't get the relief you needed. It sounds so refreshing and painless what you went through. A good way to go.
I'm sorry your family ruined it, but anyone's family would do the same. They just don't get our side of it. They hold out hope that's not there and try to seek solutions that are a long shot if not, impossible. If we have to constantly break our necks to make something work, is it really easier?!
Is it really worth it? Or is it just going to lead to burn out?! The thing I like about SS is that they get it or should I say, WE get it. This is the best life hate club I've ever been apart of. No one else understands. I feel like I'm not alone when I'm on here. Misery enjoys company and we can all be angry together.
