How can you prove the pain will get better

[Tintypographer]

When I talk to counselors and suicide hotlines I like to challenge one thought: "I can promise you it will get better..." Whatever it is. My question is, "how can you prove it?"

How can you statistically show me mathematically without any doubt that whatever it is will get better. And I don't mean "you can choose to view it in a different way" or "someday you will look back on this and it will not seem so bad"

I want to know without rationalization, what specific knowledge do they have that makes certain things will get better. Because above all else I don't want to rationalize or see my life from a different perspective. Starting there, how will things get better? I actually want to know what physical steps, not emotional steps will lead me to get better.

If for example, I am married to an OCPD hoarder who controls everything from how the dishwasher gets loaded to how the trash gets taken out to keeping every single old vacuum cleaner bag in piles in the garage to ostensibly go through in case a Lego got sucked up and my number one zero point argument is that I don't want a divorce then how can you assure me after 30 years, three trips to hospitals for suicide and four in patient suicidal hospitalizations, how can you assure me things will get better?

How do they know this or is it just platitudes?

 

[Mofreeko]

It can get better. It can also get worse. They always leave the worse part out though.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Those hotlines are for really more for people who are acutely suicidal. They're trying to talk you down off the ledge, and their only real goal is to keep you alive until that moment passes, so they will say just about anything. I see people here complaining about these hotlines all the time and I don't really get it. What does everyone expect them to say? Of course some random person on the phone can't tell you exactly what's going to happen in the future.

I'm more annoyed at the people who spam the numbers to these hotlines whenever the slightest bit of suicide ideation is expressed, than I am at the hotlines and the hotline operators themselves. And even then, I'm only slightly annoyed because I realize most of those people have good intentions even if they're misguided.

 

[jodes2]

Things can change though after 30 years of no improvement I suppose some things are unlikely but it's still possible to have flashes of inspiration and to try new things sorry you're suffering , I understand

 

[Forever Sleep]

Just say- 'Awesome! How much do you want to bet?'

Not so much to the hotlines- I do agree with @WhiteRabbit post above- that they are going to talk you down off the ledge as a primary goal and will likely say whatever they think of to do that (and they may even be a volunteer.) Still, a councelor I feel should be more invested in you than to fob you off with likely wishful thinking.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide hotlines sound useless and like a waste of time to me. Words cannot make people suffer less and fix real problems that people are experiencing.

 

[BipolarExpress]

Suicide hotlines sound useless and like a waste of time to me. Words cannot make people suffer less and fix real problems that people are experiencing.

No suicide hotline has ever made me less suicidal. I didn't end up killing myself, but that was because I chickened out, or because the depression I was going through was temporary.

 

[Lonerzepam]

I've never considered calling them cuz what can they do about a serious neurological illness. Only I can do things to get better but I don't need that to be confirmed by some random person. But there are other's who do. So they're not for nothing. Although hotlines can help for acute impulsive suicidal ideations for rather "minor" problems imo then for someone who's struggling with this for years but even then might be.

They already have safed many lives in those kind of situations. They do more good then harm. It's not like they encourage you to suicide, they try to prevent it. Even if they say standard things like "it will get better i promise" and stuff like that it helps many people and gives them reassurance and I don't think that's a bad thing.

 

[Tintypographer]

I hate the scripts, I hate the platitudes, I hate the endless suggestion that life will get better. It's been over a decade of this cycle of horrible depression, heavy meds, trips to in patient and out patient treatment. The docs and the "helpful" all want to talk about either reframing my point of view or focusing on what I can control. I get it as that's really it; if you can't emotionally and physically handle the way your life is and you regret most of what you have done then what's left is continuous pain. People say "be thankful you have a job and career" and I say, "you want it, it's all yours!". People say "be thankful you have a family and people around you" and I say "all I want is to be left alone".

I don't want to be anymore. I don't care that people think it's selfish. I don't want to have to say no, I don't want responsibility, I don't want to spend 80 to 90 hours a week making decisions and having people beg me to be on calls and if I'm one minute late for my next call, send me a reminder that "hey tintype we are on and waiting". I live in a pit and none of this shit matters at all.

 

[leeloosnow]

yea i hate being told that shit. i mean, sure, things CAN get better... dogshit life > utter dogshit life with the wurmz. but if someone argues that life will 'get better' then they must accept the argument that life will get worse, again, or continuously. yes, we are existing in a constant state of change. i think boiling it down to that is fair 'nuff

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Plus ça change plus c'est la même chose.

By the time you reach your mid-20's, and definitely by 30, I'd say you've lived long enough to be able to make a reasonable prediction of how your future will be. It's your prerogative whether you want to bet on things improving.

 

[SamTam33]

It's like saying you don't like cottage cheese and someone proclaiming that if you keep eating it - it will taste better.

Like dude... I've tried it extensively and I don't like it. End of story.

 

[DysphoriaKilledMe]

They can't prove it. It is not their job. Their job is to keep you alive, and if that means giving you a half truth like the pain will get better while leaving out that it can get worse, then so be it.

 

[jamie_]

They can't prove it and I agree that most mental health support is unfortunately shit platitudes drawing upon toxic self-help culture. But you have got to remember that you also can't prove that it won't get better.

 

[Unending]

Suicide hotlines sound useless and like a waste of time to me. Words cannot make people suffer less and fix real problems that people are experiencing.

Words only have ever helped me when I either
A: tricked myself into believing them and later found myself back at the same sorrowful conclusions or B: was actually just experiencing something trivial and happened to be in one of my rare non-depressive phases, therefore being more receptive to seeing things in a hopeful light.