How can you be certain?

[gatzby128]

How can you be certain? I mean every day I think: this is pointless and I'm not going to be a burden just to hang around and satisfy everyone else who, despite what they think, will get over it and move on... there hasn't been a day in the time I can remember where I thought that dealing with the corruption and disgusting state of the human race was worth the misery and sadness it evokes. So, from what I can tell, I'm ready. I wish it wasn't going to cause pain to my husband, but he will have more luck meeting someone new the sooner I'm gone. This is the only logical option. But then you hear about the people that survive a jump from the golden gate who say they regretted it the second their feet left the platform. How can you know the second you take the step toward ctb you won't feel that way? How can you be certain? Is that why you choose something that has an exit strategy? Or is it like love? You just take the leap and such is life (or not, in this case).

 

[gap]

How can you be certain? I mean every day I think: this is pointless and I'm not going to be a burden just to hang around and satisfy everyone else who, despite what they think, will get over it and move on... there hasn't been a day in the time I can remember where I thought that dealing with the corruption and disgusting state of the human race was worth the misery and sadness it evokes. So, from what I can tell, I'm ready. I wish it wasn't going to cause pain to my husband, but he will have more luck meeting someone new the sooner I'm gone. This is the only logical option. But then you hear about the people that survive a jump from the golden gate who say they regretted it the second their feet left the platform. How can you know the second you take the step toward ctb you won't feel that way? How can you be certain? Is that why you choose something that has an exit strategy? Or is it like love? You just take the leap and such is life (or not, in this case).

I think that when the time comes you have no more uncertainties, there are days where I get very close to taking this step, others where I think I can wait a bit, but I think the day I'm ready, I'll just go.

 

[Dead Ghost]

I'm sure because I leave practically nothing behind, but I don't dare to do the CTB and that's it, I don't give it any more spins.
But if I had even the slightest possibility of moving on by myself, I would try again to try, but it is very unlikely that this will happen.

I'm so convinced that it's all over and there's nothing to do, that I even think that without doing the CTB I'll end up dying anyway in a few years (of sadness or you know what).

//

Jo estic segur perquè no deixo pràcticament res enrere, pero no m'atreveixo a fer el CTB i ja està, no li dono més voltes.
Pero si tingués unes mínimes posibilitats de seguir endavant per mi mateix, m'esforçaria altre cop per intentar-ho, però és molt improbable que això passi.

Estic tant convençut que s'ha acabat tot i no hi ha pas res a fer, que penso fins i tot que sense fer el CTB m'acabaré morint igualment en pocs anys (de tristor o ves a saber de que).

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Exiting this world is such a difficult task not only because we live in an anti-suicide society, we also have such a strong SI that makes it even harder to go to the other side. I think it's a natural thing that once someone jumped, or kicked the chair (full suspension hanging) for example, right in this moment SI kicks in and tells you that this was the wrong decision, although it may have been the right one to exit a life that one is not willing to live any more. Imo there's nothing one can do about it.

Doing the final step is only possible if one reached a state of total desperation and hopelessness, only this overcomes the SI before there is no possibility to reverse the decision. That alone is certainity for one willing to CTB.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess it depends on your own feelings towards life itself. Some people I guess worry about their unfulfilled potential if they do it. Some believe in a kind of intrinsic value- either spiritual, or an obligation to others and society. And obviously- the missed potential to be happy.

I DO feel the obligation to others- I don't want to hurt them. Which is why I'm hoping I can wait until the closest person to me in my life has already gone before I go. It's not that it wouldn't then upset others but- I'm largely estranged from them now- so hopefully, it would impact them less. Plus- ruthless as it may sound- should I keep struggling on for decades because they'll miss the yearly Christmas card and once in a blue moon text?

In terms of society. I think it's just an evil exploitative device. Why would I want to be a part of it?

In terms of intrinsic value- I see life as being cheap. I firmly believe in our rights of course- and that they need to be protected. ESPECIALLY the right to choose. In terms of value though- I feel like that's up to the individual- plus- how lucky they are in life. You could be enormously gifted in a skill no one wants anymore! You can't live off of thin air alone. Beyond that- it's how much you feel comfortable compromising in life.

Still- if your concern is that you will be denying your chance to possibly be happy later on- then- perhaps you need to stop and think. Can you try and bring about this change now? Are there limitations now preventing you achieving this that there might not be in future? Maybe it is worth you holding on- I don't know.

For me though- at the moment- I'm sure. I kind of know what it would take to allow me to live the sort of life that MIGHT be more fulfilling to me- but I'm not willing to put in all that work. I would need to get over a crippling lack of self confidence which is amplified by being around other people. Plus- I would have to be better at what I do, learn to drive and likely move all over the country for work. I've already had some 'success' in life. It hasn't been enough to make me want to stay here. For me- the bad still outweighs the good- EVEN if I made things better for myself.

I personally hold the belief that you can't regret being dead. I don't believe you can regret dieing too soon. Even if I'm wrong and there's an afterlife and either an angel or a demon showed me a movie of the rest of my life and it was filled with joy and rainbows, I still don't think I'd regret my decision. I've never REALLY regretted decisions I made in life. In retrospect- they weren't always the best. They made sense at the time though. That's good enough for me. We aren't gifted with foresight- we can only go on our instincts at the time.

If you don't fully trust the decision though- I'd definitely say explore that. Still- sorry to sound patronizing- but- don't just keep doing the same things and expect a different outcome. I am sure that 'recovery' takes work. If you think you can be happy- great but you're likely to have to really fight for it- like everything else in life. I wish you all the best though- whatever you decide to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all only the individual knows when the time is right to leave, I just think it's a feeling of certainty and once one has permanently left this world it isn't like they could ever regret anything then. But I just think that after all suicide really is so difficult in this world and one has to overcome the survival instincts so I think that if someone managed to ctb it's because it's what they really wanted and they were determined, I envy those people.