Ambivalent1
🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
- Apr 17, 2023
- 3,278
-
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Odahviing475
Member
- Apr 12, 2023
- 57
It's very hard to know imo, cause a lot of things in life are also luck based. However, you can know for sure that there will be dark times ahead, and if you can't handle when they happen, maybe you can consider than hopeless and indefinite.
If you are still capable of having fun, or having good times, then I wouldn't think thats hopeless. Even if theres more negative than positive, still being able to have that positivity gives a little, just a little.
If you are still capable of having fun, or having good times, then I wouldn't think thats hopeless. Even if theres more negative than positive, still being able to have that positivity gives a little, just a little.
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Lulzacruel
Specialist
- Jun 13, 2023
- 336
because depression warps your sense of time. you feel like everything has happened for eternity. it messes with your emotions and very soul.
i remember reading about how Serge had the philosophy that you should only CTB if you have tried everything (meds, alternatives like psychs, experinmental clinical trials) or if you dont have enough money to seek out these treatments (usa, cough cough) i agree with this philosophy. i only like to help people who know that it wont end.
if a man is going insane and there is nothing we can do to help him then what is the purpose of allowing him to suffer? let him enjoy the abyss
i remember reading about how Serge had the philosophy that you should only CTB if you have tried everything (meds, alternatives like psychs, experinmental clinical trials) or if you dont have enough money to seek out these treatments (usa, cough cough) i agree with this philosophy. i only like to help people who know that it wont end.
if a man is going insane and there is nothing we can do to help him then what is the purpose of allowing him to suffer? let him enjoy the abyss
Catchingdabus27
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,545
I agree with the second response tbh... I think that for me hopelessness is being at my limit and not per say being able to handle anymore...
The reality is we all do not know what will happen and if things will get better. Hell I mean I could decide to buy a lottery ticket and win tmrw and that would improve my life circumstances a lot. I could meet the love of my life or something else that would make a huge shift (tho interpersonal stuff is very likeeee uncertain but its just an example)
But what I do know is what is here and now. I do know what I have experienced and what that feels like for me. I do know what the bad things feel like... if that makes sense?
Its easy to predict some of the bad and assume it will continue for logical or even more depression reasons? Vs having hope and looking at the future for change.
I dunno if any of this makes sense bc I'm hungry rn but yeee...
I guess what im tryna say is we don't know but we do know what suffering feels like.
I've just started experiencing self love & confidence. Had you asked me 2 yrs ago, I wouldnt have said it's possible bc that was not something I ever experienced in life despite trying.
How can I know what will happen if I haven't ever experienced it. So for the brain its easier to stick to what one knows.
For me when I am trying really hard in life and keep getting beated down by life circumstances, it doesn't make me feel like things will change. Its hard to keep pushing in darkness.
I've been trying to personally find ways to like find hope in darkness and what that means to me without going into toxic positivity.. but it's hard as hell.
Anyway this was a long response and definitely has made me think about things.
Im curious to see other responses.
The reality is we all do not know what will happen and if things will get better. Hell I mean I could decide to buy a lottery ticket and win tmrw and that would improve my life circumstances a lot. I could meet the love of my life or something else that would make a huge shift (tho interpersonal stuff is very likeeee uncertain but its just an example)
But what I do know is what is here and now. I do know what I have experienced and what that feels like for me. I do know what the bad things feel like... if that makes sense?
Its easy to predict some of the bad and assume it will continue for logical or even more depression reasons? Vs having hope and looking at the future for change.
I dunno if any of this makes sense bc I'm hungry rn but yeee...
I guess what im tryna say is we don't know but we do know what suffering feels like.
I've just started experiencing self love & confidence. Had you asked me 2 yrs ago, I wouldnt have said it's possible bc that was not something I ever experienced in life despite trying.
How can I know what will happen if I haven't ever experienced it. So for the brain its easier to stick to what one knows.
For me when I am trying really hard in life and keep getting beated down by life circumstances, it doesn't make me feel like things will change. Its hard to keep pushing in darkness.
I've been trying to personally find ways to like find hope in darkness and what that means to me without going into toxic positivity.. but it's hard as hell.
Anyway this was a long response and definitely has made me think about things.
Im curious to see other responses.
leftdreaming
I should’ve been a house cat
- Apr 28, 2023
- 170
We don't know that. This answer covers too many grounds to really answer so I'll just give my personal experience.
I think my depression could get better and perhaps even will (in fact I'd bet money on that) but I also have experienced that before and look where it got me; here and in a worse mental state than before. Life is full of ups and downs for me and I simply don't want to feel this way anymore nor do I want to feel this way in the future. It just isn't worth experiencing happiness at the cost of experiencing depression.
I think my depression could get better and perhaps even will (in fact I'd bet money on that) but I also have experienced that before and look where it got me; here and in a worse mental state than before. Life is full of ups and downs for me and I simply don't want to feel this way anymore nor do I want to feel this way in the future. It just isn't worth experiencing happiness at the cost of experiencing depression.
SVEN
I Wish I'd Been a Jester Too.
- Apr 3, 2023
- 2,813
Life is uncertain, the future unknown. All we can be sure of is that one day, in some manner each one of us shall leave it. There is no answer to your question, because all we ever have is the moment in which we live. All beyond is dependent on factors outwith our knowledge or control.
Tobacco
Efilist. Possible promortalist.
- Jan 14, 2023
- 202
This might very well be the most important answer this forum could provide.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,764
I just think that any hope is a delusion in this world, existing is something really hopeless and I could never wish to exist here especially as there's unlimited potential to suffer in this horrible world. I don't see existing as being appealing or a desirable state, there's no point to existing, we are just slowly dying and waiting for death. And I think it's totally irrational to want to get old, the thought of such a thing disturbs me. But when it comes to ctb only the individual knows when the time is right for them to leave, I just think it's a personal decision.
Certainty in anything is elusive. For me it's about balance; I'm more often depressed, without hope, anxious than I have ever been without those feelings. I've reached a point where I can't endure the pain any longer and all the times I've felt relief have not lasted long enough to even keep chasing it.
Papilio_polyxenes
Member
- Oct 4, 2022
- 52
Impossible to know for your case, and I do feel it's wise to exhaust all other options before CTB. Therapy, medication, lifestyle changes - whatever you can manage.
Personally, I have been alive for 27 years without passing any "milestones" of life expected for an adult at this stage. No degree, apartment, stable work, or social life. Even though I'm close to graduating (16 credit hours left) with a 3.8 GPA, 85% of autistic adults with degrees are unemployed.
Lost my mother to pancreatic cancer last year, she died at only 63 of a horrific and aggressive disease. Shortly after, I had no choice but to quit the retail job I'd held for 2 years because coworkers gradually became hostile.
The sheer social isolation and dwindling cash reserves may push me towards CTB. I struggle with overthinking - unless the plan is perfect, I won't commit. Not afraid of death, just the cost or consequences of failed CTB.
But desperate circumstances may allow me to overcome hesitancy if I'm home alone again any time soon.
Personally, I have been alive for 27 years without passing any "milestones" of life expected for an adult at this stage. No degree, apartment, stable work, or social life. Even though I'm close to graduating (16 credit hours left) with a 3.8 GPA, 85% of autistic adults with degrees are unemployed.
Lost my mother to pancreatic cancer last year, she died at only 63 of a horrific and aggressive disease. Shortly after, I had no choice but to quit the retail job I'd held for 2 years because coworkers gradually became hostile.
The sheer social isolation and dwindling cash reserves may push me towards CTB. I struggle with overthinking - unless the plan is perfect, I won't commit. Not afraid of death, just the cost or consequences of failed CTB.
But desperate circumstances may allow me to overcome hesitancy if I'm home alone again any time soon.
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We can't know. It has to be a personal analysis I guess: What do I want? Or: What do I need to stop keep happening in order to make me 'happy'-ish? Can I achieve that? Do I have the will power and strength to go about effecting that change? How much am I willing to compromise? How much failure am I willing to put up with on the way? Does the end result seem worth it? If the answers seem like you might have some fight or will left then- why not try? You can always delay CTB till later on.
I suppose the way I see it is- there maybe is an impossible 'best case scenario' for everyone. It's going to vary person to person as to how impossible to obtain that is. If there's a 2% chance of obtaining your 'perfect' life- is that good enough odds? Then- there's maybe a next best case scenario which is maybe more reachable but will still (likely) take a lot of effort. Again- it comes down to what you think your chances are- knowing yourself.
It's clear you are very hesitant. So- out of curiosity- what is it you think you might miss out on if you go now? What is it you really want out of life? And- what's stopping you from achieving it?
I suppose the way I see it is- there maybe is an impossible 'best case scenario' for everyone. It's going to vary person to person as to how impossible to obtain that is. If there's a 2% chance of obtaining your 'perfect' life- is that good enough odds? Then- there's maybe a next best case scenario which is maybe more reachable but will still (likely) take a lot of effort. Again- it comes down to what you think your chances are- knowing yourself.
It's clear you are very hesitant. So- out of curiosity- what is it you think you might miss out on if you go now? What is it you really want out of life? And- what's stopping you from achieving it?
sleepy10
Member
- Nov 24, 2023
- 38
for me personally I know for an absolute fact my situation is truly hopeless I lose everything and I lost it all at once. The only thing left for me to do is die
this_is_it
Member
- Sep 19, 2023
- 43
I'm suicidal, not because i don't think things will ever get better, it's just that they will never stay better. I've been through so much trauma in my life and traumatic events just keep happening rapid-fire. Even if they stopped, life has ups and downs, and the downs feel excruciating thanks to what I'm pretty sure is bipolar or bpd. And during the downs I forget the ups. I seem to feel everything negative 10x stronger than other people and rarely do I feel happy. Not to mention the flashbacks that get caused by just someone yelling or slamming a door or blocking my exit. I feel like I'm barely even a person because of all the things my parents and my ex did to me, among other people. I don't understand how I'm supposed to live a normal life when I can't get a job, can't afford help, and my last therapist dropped me because i missed too many appointments without canceling, although we drove all the way to his office on the day it was my "last chance", i ended up having a panic attack in the car and I just wanted to be out of view of the public.
Personaly i don't see any hope because i tried for 10years to be well without never achieving it except during short-lived moment. Things just got worse despite all the therapies and shit. Currently i'm not even able to find any joy or pleasure, i became a cold and detached being over time of struggle, depression and loneliness.
IWishToDie
I check notifications once per week
- Dec 31, 2023
- 480
Bro, probably need more information than a ? Mark. Some people have hope and they just don't see it yet, some people simply cannot be helped. It depends on circumstances 100%. For me personally, if I don't see any health improvements in the next three months, that's it -- I'm done.
