Venting How can i kill myself if people depend on me

[WordV0mit]

I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I killed myself and he said they would kill themself almost imeadeatly. I then responded with "what if my.dyong wish was for you to keep living" and he said they would try but the probably wouldn't get far. I really want to die but I want the love of my life to live happily more than I want to die. I have never felt such a genuine connection with someone and I know he can say the same about me, but I just dont know if it can keep living. I dont want to leave him alone but I cant take living anymore. Everything is so painfully boring. I can hardly find enjoyment in life anymore and the only time I really feel anything anymore is when im with my partner or Im being hurt. I dont know how long I can keep moving on like this. I dont care how anyone else would feel or react, I just want my partner to be happy and live a good life.

 

[TBONTB]

I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I killed myself and he said they would kill themself almost imeadeatly. I then responded with "what if my.dyong wish was for you to keep living" and he said they would try but the probably wouldn't get far. I really want to die but I want the love of my life to live happily more than I want to die. I have never felt such a genuine connection with someone and I know he can say the same about me, but I just dont know if it can keep living. I dont want to leave him alone but I cant take living anymore. Everything is so painfully boring. I can hardly find enjoyment in life anymore and the only time I really feel anything anymore is when im with my partner or Im being hurt. I dont know how long I can keep moving on like this. I dont care how anyone else would feel or react, I just want my partner to be happy and live a good life.

I hear you.

 

[Leve]

This is how I feel in my current relationship. We're both sick but we love each other and are pretty much the only things keeping us alive right now.

 

[Shadow_]

The truth is we all rely on others. Will he commit harm? Possibly. If he doesn't have a history of it, he is much less likely to, but he definitely might. You can only do what you think is right for you. Is it the right decision for you? I don't know, but neither does he. Whether or not that decision is right for you, should not be dependent on what is right for others. You have clearly communicated your feelings. Others should not be expected to take on your suffering, and although your suffering will absolutely affect them, the amount that it does is somewhat up to their control. They can understand that these things happen, and they can deal with these emotions and do their best of their abilities, or they can wallow in them. Many of our everyday decisions will have similar, although not to the level or extent, consequences that this one does. His reaction is not something that you can control.

I only hope that you make the best decision for yourself, and if you do continue living, you try to live on a path that makes things easier and better.

 

[Sheepskin]

I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I killed myself and he said they would kill themself almost imeadeatly. I then responded with "what if my.dyong wish was for you to keep living" and he said they would try but the probably wouldn't get far. I really want to die but I want the love of my life to live happily more than I want to die. I have never felt such a genuine connection with someone and I know he can say the same about me, but I just dont know if it can keep living. I dont want to leave him alone but I cant take living anymore. Everything is so painfully boring. I can hardly find enjoyment in life anymore and the only time I really feel anything anymore is when im with my partner or Im being hurt. I dont know how long I can keep moving on like this. I dont care how anyone else would feel or react, I just want my partner to be happy and live a good life.

I feel the need to add something to this because I've found myself in nearly exactly the same position, though except for expressing my closeness to your situation, I just can't seem to find anything of value to add to this. Personally, even though it's becoming harder and harder to get through any day, I'll attempt to savour the moments I spend with my partner and survive the ones in between. Oh how amibitious, I know. But for me just the thought of them killing themselves because of me is vile enough to currently disencourage me from suicide. That doesn't really leave me with many options and at this point I'm devoid of hope for a brighter future.

Best of luck to the both of you. Hope at least your transition is going well. Mine is decently satisfying which does help in staying alive

 

[User111885]

I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I killed myself and he said they would kill themself almost imeadeatly. I then responded with "what if my.dyong wish was for you to keep living" and he said they would try but the probably wouldn't get far. I really want to die but I want the love of my life to live happily more than I want to die. I have never felt such a genuine connection with someone and I know he can say the same about me, but I just dont know if it can keep living. I dont want to leave him alone but I cant take living anymore. Everything is so painfully boring. I can hardly find enjoyment in life anymore and the only time I really feel anything anymore is when im with my partner or Im being hurt. I dont know how long I can keep moving on like this. I dont care how anyone else would feel or react, I just want my partner to be happy and live a good life.

It sounds like you partly want to be alive. Boredom is a symptom of ADHD sometimes, but also adhedonia can be a result of depression or schizophrenia. Have you tried to get medical help for your issues? You don't seem imminently suicidal. The bad thing about doing it is if you get listed as a mentally ill person, in some places it can impact your rights, like 2A rights and other things. But if you dont care about that, perhaps medical help is a good idea?