HI! Here is my idea(s). 1st) I would take a, lets say, long weekend away from everything, in ones favorite place, and relax, and do nothing. just soak in the surrounds and let ones mind explore. 2nd) I then would come back and see everything around me that I love and cherish, if I have nothing to love or cherish I would think of my place in this world and the next. what I am trying to say, I guess, is that since you have a strong SI, that is great by the way, and NO I am NOT a pro-lifer by NO means, I have had 2 attempts myself, is that I would try and take some time and explore in ones mind the endless possibilities of this world first. After my 2nd attempt I thought about it, I have 24/7 chronic pain, so a 3rd time is always a possibility, the act that ctb is one and done. I know, duh!, right? Well yes, but sometimes it is overlooked in the scheme of things. Just my cheesy viewpoint. I will say that I am sending YOU @Alexander all my love and support, as YOU are a valuable global family member here with everyone! Walter