How at peace are you with fact that you’re gonna depart?

[venin]

Did you make peace with ing?

 

[bluebus]

I have. There's nothing I can do to change my situation, so the only option I have is to ctb. I really wish this wasn't the case, but it is. I do feel sadness sometimes (mostly in the morning when I wake up), a sort of grief at the loss of a life that could have been-- that should have been. But I've accepted it and I just want to go in peace.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

scared ):
i have to go its inevitable but im such a wuss

 

[venin]

I have. There's nothing I can do to change my situation, so the only option I have is to ctb. I really wish this wasn't the case, but it is. I do feel sadness sometimes (mostly in the morning when I wake up), a sort of grief at the loss of a life that could have been-- that should have been. But I've accepted it and I just want to go in peace.

Honestly, congrats. It'll sound a bit absurd but I think that's a big accomplishment.

 

[Darkover]

i'm hoping it last for all time becaus life in this place is to shit to even want to be alive here

 

[lion4000b]

I have. There's nothing I can do to change my situation, so the only option I have is to ctb. I really wish this wasn't the case, but it is. I do feel sadness sometimes (mostly in the morning when I wake up), a sort of grief at the loss of a life that could have been-- that should have been. But I've accepted it and I just want to go in peace.

I get the exact same feeling in the morning as soon as I wake. That brief moment of clarity that flashes me the truth and that my sitution is inescapable. But then the physical pain kicks in and my mind moves quickly to that, and then I cant sit still or focus so I get up and try and distract myself and kill another day. It's weird because my pain keeps me alive. I think if could relax and be comfortable I would be able to CTB much easier.

What sort of grief or regret do you have? (if you dont mind me asking)

 

[FuneralCry]

I see death as being the only comfort and relief as I very strongly believe it just to be an eternal, dreamless sleep, only the eternity of death appeals to me and anyway death is the most normal thing, it's all we are intended for, existence was just a tragic, temporary disturbance in what was otherwise the most perfect state of non-existence.

But sadly for me death feels like a distance away, unfortunately we exist in a world where not everyone can just reliably leave this world on their own terms whenever they wish to without risks and complications.

 

[venin]

i'm hoping it last for all time becaus life in this place is to shit to even want to be alive here

It's this way for us @Darkover. Life can be amazing for some people. Sadly, we are on the other end of the spectrum.

But it can be a miracle, I've experienced it.

scared ):
i have to go its inevitable but im such a wuss

I'm beginning to lose my fear & not give a fuck anymore.

 

[DeadHead]

Similar to bluebus I have no option either but I'm not at peace. I'm bursting with rage at the corrupt medical establishment that stole my life, I wish I could see them suffer before I leave. I have to hold myself from doing something rash to the fuckers. I'd love to see them die in a fire.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's a very interesting question. From my current point of view I'm at peace with my decision to CTB sooner or later as it's inevitable for me, unless a real miracle would happen.

The question is how would I see it if I was just 1 step away from actual CTB? That's what I don't know because I never was so close to it. But I would really want to go so close to it to get a feeling how it really is being so close at the doorstep to the other side.

 

[アホペンギン]

Of course, its my only choice as of now and even if I had more choices I would still choose to ctb. Nonexistence is much more desirable than staying sentient in this inhumane world.

 

[venin]

I get the exact same feeling in the morning as soon as I wake. That brief moment of clarity that flashes me the truth and that my sitution is inescapable. But then the physical pain kicks in and my mind moves quickly to that, and then I cant sit still or focus so I get up and try and distract myself and kill another day. It's weird because my pain keeps me alive. I think if could relax and be comfortable I would be able to CTB much easier.

What sort of grief or regret do you have? (if you dont mind me asking)

I grieve the person I could've been & the life I could've had were I not born in this family of monsters.

I know this question wasn't for me but I wanted to get that out.

I get the exact same feeling in the morning as soon as I wake. That brief moment of clarity that flashes me the truth and that my sitution is inescapable. But then the physical pain kicks in and my mind moves quickly to that, and then I cant sit still or focus so I get up and try and distract myself and kill another day. It's weird because my pain keeps me alive. I think if could relax and be comfortable I would be able to CTB much easier.

What sort of grief or regret do you have? (if you dont mind me asking)

A lot of paradox regarding depression and suicidality.

I see death as being the only comfort and relief as I very strongly believe it just to be an eternal, dreamless sleep, only the eternity of death appeals to me and anyway death is the most normal thing, it's all we are intended for, existence was just a tragic, temporary disturbance in what was otherwise the most perfect state of non-existence.

But sadly for me death feels like a distance away, unfortunately we exist in a world where not everyone can just reliably leave this world on their own terms whenever they wish to without risks and complications.

It's like this for a lot of people, I agree, but life can be pretty fucking awesome @FuneralCry. That's a fact.

Not everybody is mentally ill, not everybody has trauma that simply does not permit happiness or living a good, normal life and not everybody goes to such depths as we do. Some just fucking live and enjoy everything, they eat well, sleep well, do what they love, fuck like crazy, travel, paint, make music and live to see their children and grandchildren happy. + die a peaceful death in their sleep or accompanied by their loved ones

Yeah, life is shit if you do the math, cause such inequities and atrocities shouldn't be possible. But you can still live well and enjoy life to its fullest if you're amongst the lucky ones. Sadly we aren't.

 

[Anon7b8]

Sitting in a daze all day long, waiting for miracles that won't come. Maybe I'll just sing a song, and take that long walk home. But sooner or later i know, I'll use that ticket to ride the bus. I might not be ready yet to go, but then again there might not enough time to make a fuss...

 

[venin]

Sitting in a daze all day long, waiting for miracles that won't come. Maybe I'll just sing a song, and take that long walk home. But sooner or later i know, I'll use that ticket to ride the bus. I might not be ready yet to go, but then again there might not enough time to make a fuss...

I'm hoping I don't have to, but I feel I can't take it much longer.

Fuck everything

I also feel like I just don't have a brain anymore except for the really simple tasks… it's fucking disheartening since normally I'm pretty fucking smart.

 

[SpencerSees]

Idk if i'd say i'm at peace with it, but i haven't been able to see myself live past 20 since i was 11, so what would even be the point of not doing it now. I'd just disappoint myself even more.

 

[Anon7b8]

I'm hoping I don't have to, but I feel I can't take it much longer.

Fuck everything

I also feel like I just don't have a brain anymore except for the really simple tasks… it's fucking disheartening since normally I'm pretty fucking smart.

We take as much as we can and we give as much as we could. I wish the world would be kinder to all of us. But, yeah, been feeling like I've lost my brain for weeks now too.

 

[ManicNarcissus]

i've spent so long focused only on living my own hedonistic life and being a parasite, the peace comes in knowing that my episodes cant be a burden anymore

 

[cats333]

i think its mostly because since i hurt people by being hurt while alive, i can at least hope they find comfort in knowing i rest in peace

 

[venin]

We take as much as we can and we give as much as we could. I wish the world would be kinder to all of us. But, yeah, been feeling like I've lost my brain for weeks now too.

I'm sorry you can emphatise

Yeah. Some of us are just like an abortion with delayed effect that you'll have to carry out for yourself

 

[thatworthlessmale04]

I've made peace with everything. Father is a deadbeat, mother resents me for having to be a single mother to work those hard jobs at night, plus the fact that I never really deserved to live anyway. My opinions never mattered, my feelings never mattered, my mother didn't care about my problems, and I always felt like an outsider in a *lot* of areas of life. I'm actually excited to see what's after this.

 

[lion4000b]

I grieve the person I could've been & the life I could've had were I not born in this family of monsters.

Why cant you be a great person with a great life now despite the way your family treated you?

 

[venin]

Idk if i'd say i'm at peace with it, but i haven't been able to see myself live past 20 since i was 11, so what would even be the point of not doing it now. I'd just disappoint myself even more.

i've spent so long focused only on living my own hedonistic life and being a parasite, the peace comes in knowing that my episodes cant be a burden anymore

We're all hedonistic dude. Don't be to hard on yourself

Are you planning on leaving soon?

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I've been at peace with it for a while, and now I'm just ready. I don't see any point in staying alive just to keep others happy, when I can't do anything to help myself. I don't belong in this world and never have, so it's finally time to get things ready.

 

[venin]

Why cant you be a great person with a great life now despite the way your family treated you?

Because of my trauma. I'm severely depressed, anxiety etc.

i think its mostly because since i hurt people by being hurt while alive, i can at least hope they find comfort in knowing i rest in peace

Too much pain and suffering on this stupid blueberry

i think i'm almost completely there - i'm constantly in a somewhat dissociated state which definitely helps, i just need to get over the guilt of the pain i'm going to cause my friends and family, hopefully with time they'll understand and be able to move on from my selfish actions

I'm happy for you if that's the only solution left

i think i'm almost completely there - i'm constantly in a somewhat dissociated state which definitely helps, i just need to get over the guilt of the pain i'm going to cause my friends and family, hopefully with time they'll understand and be able to move on from my selfish actions

I'm happy for you if that's the only solution left

I've been at peace with it for a while, and now I'm just ready. I don't see any point in staying alive just to keep others happy, when I can't do anything to help myself. I don't belong in this world and never have, so it's finally time to get things ready.

I still wish I somehow recover but at the same time I'm also getting to the place you're arriving at.

 

[lion4000b]

Because of my trauma. I'm severely depressed, anxiety etc.

What did they do to you? What are your specific symptoms that impede your life?

 

[kevinj430]

Did you make peace with ing?

There is a peace of mind once I start knowing and planning when I will ctb
Even talking/typing about it makes me more calm in knowing I am ready

 

[Immunitysucks]

no, so much i wanted to do and accomplish, so much to live for. But my body is broken

 

[NeedPeace83]

I have. There's nothing I can do to change my situation, so the only option I have is to ctb. I really wish this wasn't the case, but it is. I do feel sadness sometimes (mostly in the morning when I wake up), a sort of grief at the loss of a life that could have been-- that should have been. But I've accepted it and I just want to go in peace.

You have described everything i feel. the sadness sometimes come thinking about my father, mother and 3 brothers whom i left to go to another country on a search of foolish dream that became the end of me. There is nothing to be done, i just want peace.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Did you make peace with ing?

I'm in a bizarre place. If my circumstances were different I would like to still be alive. I've made the best of my situations in life. I found things to enjoy. Everything has been stolen from me. I made solace by saying people are good. I've found out they aren't that people are awful. I'm angry. I'm angry I couldn't get help. I'm angry that people are content with stealing everything from me and me dying. I'm angry I spent my life trying to help others and there was no one to help me when I needed it. So to honest. While I will find peace. I'm angry I have to and I have been made to. I hate how I have been made to feel selfish because I want justice for myself the irony being if I would've received it promptly I would've gone back to work trying to help the world. People tell me to humble myself why should I? It was literally *stolen* from me? Why should I settle for that happening? Why should I be okay with it? Why should I be okay with being societies doormat? Why should I just agree to be the world's whipping boy because people are lazy. To never experience love, happiness, success, or any of the grace of God. My three choices are continue to fight fruitlessly as no one cares or ever will about me, accept object poverty and the implications despite working hard, or kill myself. I thought we in the west we lived with laws that should be followed. If I break the law I pay the penalty? Why don't those who commit crimes against me? Why am I different? I'm angry because I've been forced into being someone I am not.... All my choices have been taken from me. My script only has one line... If I end up CTB I may be the one that killed myself but society is the one with blood on their hands. The university, the students, my family, my government all will have blood on my hands. People could've have saved me, made me, and helped me. Instead they will have to bury me. At peace no but I am looking for it.

 

[ddn.ctb]

In very simple terms I have always known that I would CTB. The timing is always the question

But I'm totally at ease and look forward to that moment.

There is something satisfying to the idea that have killed myself. Maybe I can't have that feeling if I'm dead. But there is something fulfilling to able to say I will be dead in a few seconds. Just let it happen.