How are you supposed to accept death?

[eternalmelancholy]

This is something I have been really struggling with lately. The long journey to this point has had a lot of ups and downs. But now that I have everything ready to go, the reality of my situation has finally hit me. I am going to die by my own hands. It is such a strange situation to be in. I have been fantasizing this moment for so long, now that it has finally become reality I am not sure how to feel.

 

[Round Two]

If you ask me, It doesn't sound like you're truly ready. You might have everything gathered, but the final piece of the puzzle is you. If you make that choice, you'll do it when you're ready. If you struggle with figuring out what you want, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't beat yourself up over it. Things are likely, like the rest of us, really bad for you. No need to make them worse.

 

[LeGuitarist]

If you ask me, It doesn't sound like you're truly ready. You might have everything gathered, but the final piece of the puzzle is you. If you make that choice, you'll do it when you're ready. If you struggle with figuring out what you want, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't beat yourself up over it. Things are likely, like the rest of us, really bad for you. No need to make them worse.

Agreed. If you even have the slightest bit of doubt, then you're definitely not ready for death. And even if you feel ready, you may not necessarily be so. Truth be told, I don't think anyone is truly ready for death.

 

[Paradox_]

This is something I have been really struggling with lately. The long journey to this point has had a lot of ups and downs. But now that I have everything ready to go, the reality of my situation has finally hit me. I am going to die by my own hands. It is such a strange situation to be in. I have been fantasizing this moment for so long, now that it has finally become reality I am not sure how to feel.

It is a strange situation to be in. I am also trying to come to terms with it. I'm thinking of the nothingness following a life full of turmoil. I imagine that whatever comes afterward, if there is anything at all, will be peaceful.

 

[Round Two]

Agreed. If you even have the slightest bit of doubt, then you're definitely not ready for death. And even if you feel ready, you may not necessarily be so. Truth be told, I don't think anyone is truly ready for death.

Er, that's not what I'm saying. I firmly believe that one's suffering can eclipse their threshold for it. I believe in that purely theoretical moment, that person becomes "ready". If a person is not there, they're not there, and that's okay. We feel what we feel and choose what we choose.

 

[Crazy4u]

You might be sad but not ready. I accepted my CTB situation by comparing it to other scenarios. I'm scared of the future so I feel safer thinking about controlling my own death before it is too late

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It is a strange situation to be in. I am also trying to come to terms with it. I'm thinking of the nothingness following a life full of turmoil. I imagine that whatever comes afterward, if there is anything at all, will be peaceful.

Yeah it is a surreal feeling. It is strange because I already had a near death experience, have undergone general anesthesia numerous times and most recently had a failed attempt with partial where I was at the cusp of blacking out.

But this time feels eerily different. I can't quite put it into words but I just have this unsettling feeling in the background. Which I never had in my previous attempt. Maybe it is because I picked a new method where I can't abort mid attempt. My next attempt will be the real deal. Maybe that is why I am feeling this way.

Truth be told, I don't think anyone is truly ready for death.

This is the most ready I have ever been for death. But I guess even with the best plans and peaceful methods SI will always start to kick in. I guess there is no secret or trick to successfully ctb. It is just a matter of willpower when the moment comes. I really hope I can do this. I already got rid of all my possession besides the bare essentials and I am going to book a hotel room for next week right now.

I don't know why I keep giving myself outs. I know I can always back out and cancel the reservation or just drive back home. I even used the weather as an excuse not to drive somewhere secluded with enough gas in the tank for a one way trip. My method has changed to something I can't back out of but now I am setting myself up for failure with all these ways of backing out. Well if I am not around in 2 weeks that means I successfully ctb.

I am actually really sad and will miss this place. Even though we are complete strangers on an online forum, I never felt more understood. Life really is unpredictable.

 

[D&D]

Dear @eternalmelancholy

I know it is hard and feel for you.

As it has been said many times already ... death is the greatest mystery and we may never be fully ready for it whatever it is meant by 'being fully ready.'

I wish you peace.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

As it has been said many times already ... death is the greatest mystery and we may never be fully ready for it whatever it is meant by 'being fully ready.'

Maybe there is no point in trying to understand death. It is impossible to conceptualize anyway. I don't know why I am stressing out over something that does not even matter. Once I am dead nothing will matter anymore. I have nothing left to give yet I still carry on everyday. Life is the most fucked up thing that can happen to anyone. We are born, we suffer and we die. So pointless yet so hard to leave.

 

[GentleJerk]

Man, I totally get it it... I wish I knew of some easy way to come to terms with it, but I think it's just one of those things that's too far beyond the normal human scope of things. It takes either some superhuman strength and courage or some serious ability to shut down all thoughts and feelings.

Don't blame yourself for your brain working against you. SI (or as I like to call it SP/self-preservation) is probably why it's wired to go against everything about ctb. I'm going thru it too, even when facing something far worse than a peaceful death the brain still has fear and does everything it can to make you try to avoid doing it simply because it has the option. It would almost rather you suffer a worse fate simply because it doesnt need to make any tough decisions in that case.

Having all your affairs sorted already only helps to make things that much less stressful, and It's surprisingly one of the hardest things to do.

I am actually really sad and will miss this place. Even though we are complete strangers on an online forum, I never felt more understood. Life really is unpredictable

<3

 

[D&D]

Maybe there is no point in trying to understand death. It is impossible to conceptualize anyway. I don't know why I am stressing out over something that does not even matter. Once I am dead nothing will matter anymore. I have nothing left to give yet I still carry on everyday. Life is the most fucked up thing that can happen to anyone. We are born, we suffer and we die. So pointless yet so hard to leave.

True.

You may like this:

 

[WilNord]

While I am not consciously afraid, my subconscious/gut feeling feel weird. What you do is to escape the autopilot mode your brain is on, force yourself to do it and then it's over
If you're afraid of an after-life or lack there off, whatever you see after death you where already going to see if anyways even if you died 40+ yrs later

 

[motel rooms]

If you even have the slightest bit of doubt, then you're definitely not ready for death.

I disagree. Nobody is ever 100 % resolved to do anything. That's simply not how the human brain works. It's impossible to entirely eliminate SI.

And even if you feel ready, you may not necessarily be so.

What is the suicidal person supposed to be guided by then? By how other people feel?

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

If you ask me, It doesn't sound like you're truly ready. You might have everything gathered, but the final piece of the puzzle is you. If you make that choice, you'll do it when you're ready. If you struggle with figuring out what you want, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't beat yourself up over it. Things are likely, like the rest of us, really bad for you. No need to make them worse.

Very much this.

When I think about dying now, it feels liberating, like a proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

It's not easy to reason your way out your most intrinsic basic animal survival tool...

"Very few fish will slip through the net of survival instinct".

 

[NormaJeane]

I think one has to plan for death well in advance.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I disagree. Nobody is ever 100 % resolved to do anything. That's simply not how the human brain works. It's impossible to entirely eliminate SI.

Yeah. Some days I feel calm and ready to exit. Other days I am filled with fear and anxiety. I don't think it is possible to fully eliminate SI. The best you can hope for is momentarily overcoming it when the time is right. There are people who say they are fully at peace with dying but the question they have to ask themselves is why am I still here then?

It's not easy to reason your way out your most intrinsic basic animal survival tool...

"Very few fish will slip through the net of survival instinct".

Yeah maybe it was the wrong approach, trying to use logic and reason to defeat SI. I have planned it out as much as I could and I have everything ready to go. All I have to do is pick a day. Maybe knowing death is just around the corner is the reason why my SI is spiking so hard.

 

[dustyfurcollector]

I have tried unsuccessfully so many times I've lost count. But each time it's just been an end. No shiny lights, no judgment, nothing but an end. Part of what keeps me here is I want a minute to go.. Oh hey, it's all ended now. You're done. Go be free. When it ends. I know that's dumb. I'm waiting here at the plasma center to donate so I can have the money to buy the main part of my plan. I'm almost giddy. I feel like an addict getting ready for that first hit of the morning. My biggest hope is it doesn't get stopped in customs. I don't know what I'll do if it is. It's the only place I can find it without going full onion and Bitcoin. I'm not ready to go yet, but I will sleep better knowing I have the power at any given time.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I have tried unsuccessfully so many times I've lost count. But each time it's just been an end. No shiny lights, no judgment, nothing but an end. Part of what keeps me here is I want a minute to go.. Oh hey, it's all ended now. You're done. Go be free. When it ends. I know that's dumb.

I don't think it is dumb at all. It would be reassuring knowing you successfully ctb. Honestly it must be a mindfuck knowing you are going to die with methods like jumping. I wonder what people are thinking as they are falling to their deaths. Dying in our sleep is the dream but not really feasible. The closest you get is with N but even then you have to actively participate in your death.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Yeah. Some days I feel calm and ready to exit. Other days I am filled with fear and anxiety. I don't think it is possible to fully eliminate SI. The best you can hope for is momentarily overcoming it when the time is right. There are people who say they are fully at peace with dying but the question they have to ask themselves is why am I still here then?

That's exacly right. All those people who say "I don't fear death" or "I'm in peace with dying", while alive like everyone else. Death is scary and people will lie to themself if it means staying alive another day, month, year.

Suicide is quite hard, take for exemple a girl I knew. She had breast cancer, that eventually killed her. She went out feeling the most unimagible pain, and yet lived to see the desiese consume her, util her last breath. A terrible death was better then to suicide, you know what I mean?

 

[eternalmelancholy]

That's exacly right. All those people who say "I don't fear death" or "I'm in peace with dying", while alive like everyone else. Death is scary and people will lie to themself if it means staying alive another day, month, year.

Suicide is quite hard, take for exemple a girl I knew. She had breast cancer, that eventually killed her. She went out feeling the most unimagible pain, and yet lived to see the desiese consume her, util her last breath. A terrible death was better then to suicide, you know what I mean?

Dying is really hard. Even with the best plans and peaceful methods you still have to set things in motion. It is such a mindfuck. I know that dying will alleviate all my pain and remove all my problems. I know that staying around and delaying the inevitable will only make things worse. Yet I am still here day after day. I am actually really pissed at myself for bailing out of my previous attempt (partial). Maybe that is why I picked a method I can't back out of this time around.

When I look back on my life I had these really good moments to ctb but I never took advantage of them. I have since learned that these moments are rare and fleeting. If you lose a good opportunity to ctb you might not get another chance. This time around I have everything ready to go so I can ctb at a moments notice. I plan on doing it in a hotel room but if the moment strikes when I am still at home I will just take that opportunity.

 

[dustyfurcollector]

I have tried unsuccessfully so many times I've lost count. But each time it's just been an end. No shiny lights, no judgment, nothing but an end. Part of what keeps me here is I want a minute to go.. Oh hey, it's all ended now. You're done. Go be free. When it ends. I know that's dumb. I'm waiting here at the plasma center to donate so I can have the money to buy the main part of my plan. I'm almost giddy. I feel like an addict getting ready for that first hit of the morning. My biggest hope is it doesn't get stopped in customs. I don't know what I'll do if it is. It's the only place I can find it without going full onion and Bitcoin. I'm not ready to go yet, but I will sleep better knowing I have the power at any given time.

This totally went on the wrong place, I think. Anyway, it's ordered. It just won't get here until mid February.

 

[Zzzzz]

May you find peace, whatever you decide to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death is inevitable for us all, all life is, is just waiting around for death. We are just passing time until we finally die. Life is just one big distraction from death. For many people it can be hard to accept death as we cannot comprehend what it is like to be dead, existence is all we know, but for me personally I look forward to death. The way I see it, death is an end to all suffering and only then nothing can hurt me. It is comforting to think about no longer existing, I belong in the nothingness. I wish you the best.

 

[hellispink]

I feel the same exact way. Its like everything is ready the pain is unimaginable. But the fear and doubt are playing me horribly.