How are you all?

[Hope:-)]

Just thought I'd check in.I literally have nothing to do and no one to talk to. I spend most my time on here. I am meant to be sorting out my housing and I'm not even doing that. Since I decided to definitely ctb I am finding it hard to care about anything...as in literally anything. I feel terrible when I read about sn being painful. I live in supported housing. All I need is to move into my own flat so I can finally do it. Just feel like I want to get it over with as I can't go on barely able to shower etc. There's no one I know on chat and I'd usually talk to them about all this.

How is everyone else doing?x

 

[Ash’Girl]

Same. Though I did actually work a few hours today after the first half of the day lying in bed staring vacantly at the laptop and just keeping it "awake" in case anyone needed to reach me

Apathy is "fun"

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Apathy is "fun"

Woo Hoo..........yeah, lot's of fun. I'm just killing time on here, although there's like 1000 things I need to be doing, but just can't muster up enough motivation or energy to do any of it. That's a typical day for me, with very rare smatterings of actually doing something.

 

[Theanswer]

Thanks for checking in. It's easy to get hooked on these boards and do nothing else once ctb is decided. But in order for me to ctb with SN, properly, I have to get on it, not only regimen but also wrapping things up, which I am. Just dealt with a bump in the self-directed cremation papers today, but all worked out. From what I've read here, and reliable clinical reports, and on Exit forums, SN is not painful. Maybe uncomfortable but it's going to be a short-lived uncomfortableness. There are A LOT of scaremongers on here about SN, I ignore it unless there's actual proof. The proof that's offered is meh. Check out other sources for SN method, like on PPeH, or Final Exit site even if you're not a member.... Also, for me, the less I have to take care of, the more calm and ready I am about ctb with SN. It really is helping and my stress and anxiety is reducing as I go. Makes it much less stressful to not have things hanging over my head that need to be done. Okay, now off to the next...errands to pick up remaining things. I hope this helps.

 

[Pedronte]

I'm really tired. Hardly slept in the last three days and can't even handle my obligations anymore.
I don't think I'll be planning CTB soon because of this tiredness.

 

[Hope:-)]

Thanks for checking in. It's easy to get hooked on these boards and do nothing else once ctb is decided. But in order for me to ctb with SN, properly, I have to get on it, not only regimen but also wrapping things up, which I am. Just dealt with a bump in the self-directed cremation papers today, but all worked out. From what I've read here, and reliable clinical reports, and on Exit forums, SN is not painful. Maybe uncomfortable but it's going to be a short-lived uncomfortableness. There are A LOT of scaremongers on here about SN, I ignore it unless there's actual proof. The proof that's offered is meh. Check out other sources for SN method, like on PPeH, or Final Exit site even if you're not a member.... Also, for me, the less I have to take care of, the more calm and ready I am about ctb with SN. It really is helping and my stress and anxiety is reducing as I go. Makes it much less stressful to not have things hanging over my head that need to be done. Okay, now off to the next...errands to pick up remaining things. I hope this helps.

I know what you mean. I HAVE to sort out my accommodation so that I can carry through my plan. I'm getting the ball rolling on that tomorrow when the staff come in. I'm not drawing out a will...just going to write how I want my finances split on a piece of paper, because I'm 34 with savings but no assets. It would arouse suspicion for a 34yr old to be drawing up a will anyway.
Tried to download the peaceful pill book on here but couldn't seem to do so.
Are you doing the method from stans guide? I'm going to run my method past people on here prior to it just to make sure it seems viable and as promoting of peace as possible.

 

[Ash’Girl]

Woo Hoo..........yeah, lot's of fun. I'm just killing time on here, although there's like 1000 things I need to be doing, but just can't muster up enough motivation or energy to do any of it. That's a typical day for me, with very rare smatterings of actually doing something.

Sarcasm is apparently the lowest form of wit, and I'm somewhere lower than the gutter. Self deprecating, me?

Yup. Zero motivation. I was still awake at 5am vacantly scrolling through this forum, then supposed to be up a couple hours later. I might occasionally get a burst of random energy that allows for me to wash the dishes or something, because I'm vaguely aware I should though I don't see the point to anything.

The kinda tired sleep doesn't fix.

 

[Theanswer]

I know what you mean. I HAVE to sort out my accommodation so that I can carry through my plan. I'm getting the ball rolling on that tomorrow when the staff come in. I'm not drawing out a will...just going to write how I want my finances split on a piece of paper, because I'm 34 with savings but no assets. It would arouse suspicion for a 34yr old to be drawing up a will anyway.
Tried to download the peaceful pill book on here but couldn't seem to do so.
Are you doing the method from stans guide? I'm going to run my method past people on here prior to it just to make sure it seems viable and as promoting of peace as possible.

Good, so you ARE doing something, just saying. Same no assets. You can easily assign a beneficiary to your bank accounts (but I think they would then need to know). Did it a couple of years ago, but I think that's how it was for me. Or maybe you only need their birthdate and address. Your bank would know how to do this. Otherwise, just writing something out wouldn't mean much, I DON'T THINK, because it's not an official document and your partner, parents or next of kin would automatically be beneficiaries. That's why I did it with my bank account and also my IRAs. Speaking about laws in my state in the U.S.

You could also just subscribe to the PPeH for $95 if interested. Or, other people here can help you with downloading the April 2022 PPeH here but there is an update dated July 25, 2022. Not sure if SN is much different in the recent update compared to the Apr 2022 update listed here.

Yes, using PPeH and Stan's Guide for most of it and snippets from Exit, etc. I will also be posting my regimen for feedback today or tomorrow.

Just a reminder that you are doing something. : )

 

[Hope:-)]

Good, so you ARE doing something, just saying. Same no assets. You can easily assign a beneficiary to your bank accounts (but I think they would then need to know). Did it a couple of years ago, but I think that's how it was for me. Or maybe you only need their birthdate and address. Your bank would know how to do this. Otherwise, just writing something out wouldn't mean much, I DON'T THINK, because it's not an official document and your partner, parents or next of kin would automatically be beneficiaries. That's why I did it with my bank account and also my IRAs. Speaking about laws in my state in the U.S.

You could also just subscribe to the PPeH for $95 if interested. Or, other people here can help you with downloading the April 2022 PPeH here but there is an update dated July 25, 2022. Not sure if SN is much different in the recent update compared to the Apr 2022 update listed here.

Yes, using PPeH and Stan's Guide for most of it and snippets from Exit, etc. I will also be posting my regimen for feedback today or tomorrow.

Just a reminder that you are doing something. : )

Thanks. That's very sweet.
Yeah, the note won't be legally binding, but I don't anticipate any qualming of my money being split equally between my 4 siblings. Some of them may need the money more but I don't want there to be any arguing.
There's a few things I'm not sure of re the method eg can I use quetiapine and meto together because I already take quetiapine? Things like that that I have to have feedback on before finalising the plan.
Going in the next few months. Not sure how to psychologically prepare. I guess one way is to remind myself that everyone on earth must see death and it's frequently painful. I wil be live chatting on here and have a thread going when I pass- I'm doing it for comforts sake.x

 

[Doombox]

Good, so you ARE doing something, just saying. Same no assets. You can easily assign a beneficiary to your bank accounts (but I think they would then need to know). Did it a couple of years ago, but I think that's how it was for me. Or maybe you only need their birthdate and address. Your bank would know how to do this. Otherwise, just writing something out wouldn't mean much, I DON'T THINK, because it's not an official document and your partner, parents or next of kin would automatically be beneficiaries. That's why I did it with my bank account and also my IRAs. Speaking about laws in my state in the U.S.

You could also just subscribe to the PPeH for $95 if interested. Or, other people here can help you with downloading the April 2022 PPeH here but there is an update dated July 25, 2022. Not sure if SN is much different in the recent update compared to the Apr 2022 update listed here.

Yes, using PPeH and Stan's Guide for most of it and snippets from Exit, etc. I will also be posting my regimen for feedback today or tomorrow.

Just a reminder that you are doing something. : )

You say many interesting things. Can you tell me more about the self-directed cremation papers? Is that part of a living will?

The July PPeH is in fact different than April's. Some of us were comparing them a few days ago. The July has you taking the benzo after the SN, which puzzles me.

 

[Theanswer]

Thanks. That's very sweet.
Yeah, the note won't be legally binding, but I don't anticipate any qualming of my money being split equally between my 4 siblings. Some of them may need the money more but I don't want there to be any arguing.
There's a few things I'm not sure of re the method eg can I use quetiapine and meto together because I already take quetiapine? Things like that that I have to have feedback on before finalising the plan.
Going in the next few months. Not sure how to psychologically prepare. I guess one way is to remind myself that everyone on earth must see death and it's frequently painful. I wil be live chatting on here and have a thread going when I pass- I'm doing it for comforts sake.x

Don't knw quetiapine but it's definitely mentioned on here so you could search it. Psychologically prepare. For me, it's reading a lot of good threads on this forum about SI and death. And also podcasts on youtube on death (e.g., Alan Watts) helped me. And as I get more and more things finalized, the more ready I am. Gotta run and get that stuff.

You say many interesting things. Can you tell me more about the self-directed cremation papers? Is that part of a living will?

The July PPeH is in fact different than April's. Some of us were comparing them a few days ago. The July has you taking the benzo after the SN, which puzzles me.

Self, pre-paid cremation does not need to be part of a will. I do not have a will. Just search self prepay cremation, funeral home or something like that in your area. They'll all come up. That's what I did. And I believe everywhere in the U.S. self-directed cremations are legal, didn't used to be.

Yeah, I honestly don't have any reason to analyze the differences in the PPeH update but of course there are differences hence the updates. I'm all set with the resources I have, including PPeH July 25, 2022. And I also know about the update taking benzo after SN. I'll be doing the benzo before. Also, I've never read any discussion on another forum about people majorly vomiting with SN - a little vomiting yes, but nothing like what is said here. Everyone has to research and decide on their own, for sure. [Edited for clarity]

 

[Hope:-)]

Im only worried about the SI that may occur AFTER drinking the sn. Some people may be more affected by SI prior to drinking it but I don't anticipate too much trouble making myself begin to drink it as I'm a dissociated sort of person who can sort of dissociate what I'm about to drink.
I'm more worried about the SI after drinking it in case I call for help. I have to remind myself that any discomfort will be shortlived. Also gotta work out whether I should do it in a hotel or not as I will be living in a cheapass block of flats and the walls will be thin.
I think I will take the benzo before the sn- I wonder what the logic is for taking it after and would love to know if anyone does know.
I'm going to check out Alan Watts and I guess death in general on YouTube as further psychological preparation.

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

I had my first therapy session with a new therapist today. Not sure how I feel about it, but I tried to be as honest as I could. Told her about my thoughts and risks. She looked shocked at points.
the last couple of weeks and months have been so hard to go on. I tied a ligature yesterday and I just want it all to stop and end

 

[FuneralCry]

Always tired of existing as usual. There is just no point to any of this. Existing is certainly a terrible thing and I will never not feel tired as long as I exist. To me it just sounds so nice to sleep and never wake again, there would be no more endless, pointless days, just freedom from suffering and true peace. Those who pass away peacefully are certainly lucky.

 

[GentleJerk]

Yeah, yeah, nah, yeah, nah. Gettin' there mate. Cheers.

Hope you're good.

 

[Orange010]

Every happy occasion is brought down by anxiety. I get triggered easier. My future is full of doubt. Basically I start my new job but I'm scared of failure and disappointment.

 

[Huntfish34]

Ehhh... Just got off work and ready to get straight Faded. Main thing that has helped me to carry on with this bullshit Fckn life / world that revolves around me.

Idk how I feel atm ? Just extremely... Drained; Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Pretty numb to everything at this point honestly,. Have no drive or motivation for Anything,. Fck. Fml .

 

[Hope:-)]

Feeling a bit better now. Been working hard on my method. It's 12am here but might order myself a takeaway....like I do every night although not usually so late but hey ho.
Hate living in this.shared accommodation as it's supported housing so some people here have complex needs and you never know what you're going to encounter which makes me not want to go in the kitchen. But like I said, feeling better, as my method is coming along.

 

[Theanswer]

Feeling a bit better now. Been working hard on my method. It's 12am here but might order myself a takeaway....like I do every night although not usually so late but hey ho.
Hate living in this.shared accommodation as it's supported housing so some people here have complex needs and you never know what you're going to encounter which makes me not want to go in the kitchen. But like I said, feeling better, as my method is coming along.

That is great to hear @Hope:-)! I can only imagine the difficulty living where you are. Doesn't seem like the same situation but I live with roommates who are...well, never mind. Anyway, that's why I'm ctb in a hotel. From my research in loads of places, the only way SN will fail is through intervention, so I am not risking it at home.

 

[jamie_]

shit. was starting to believe i was running out of words but nope the anger and the sadness and the frightened feelings remain

 

[hellispink]

Feeling empty as every other day. But everyday I feel closer to my death. I am also afraid of the SI once I take the sn. That is the main reason why I haven't gone through with it. I am usually a very anxious and panicking person so I don't know much I can control myself.

 

[Hope:-)]

That is great to hear @Hope:-)! I can only imagine the difficulty living where you are. Doesn't seem like the same situation but I live with roommates who are...well, never mind. Anyway, that's why I'm ctb in a hotel. From my research in loads of places, the only way SN will fail is through intervention, so I am not risking it at home.

I'm only living here because I'm homeless.i hate it here. I know what you mean about being found. I'm worried about doing it in a block of flats even, as the walls will be so thin, but it should be ok.
How did your errands go?x

 

[Theanswer]

I'm only living here because I'm homeless.i hate it here. I know what you mean about being found. I'm worried about doing it in a block of flats even, as the walls will be so thin, but it should be ok.
How did your errands go?x

Just sent you a private chat re doing it where you're at. I scored with my errands! My backup plan is insulin (yes, yes, I know). It's a 7 reliability compared to 8 for SN. With my extensive experience, including going severly low to comatose, I don't agree with a lot of what's in PPeH but it's okay. I AND having it for 30 years, I know what I'm in store for with insulin shock aka low blood sugar. It's happened to me during 30 years over 5 times where I should have been dead. I completely fucking get it. I scored because I got the 100 unit insulin syringes from the pharmacist, which I needed because I'm going to have to inject about 1,000 units (very likely less would do but...). Also know the 9/10 different spots I'll inject. I have loads of fast and long acting insulin so I'm set with Plan B. NOW, I need to get the regimen down for SN and post it for feedback. I just needed a plan B. : )

 

[Dead Meat]

I'm really tired of life and am miserable and in pain just don't want to be here anymore

 

[Hope:-)]

Dependent on how painful it is my plan b is to do sn again.

 

[Marktheghost]

I'm doing awful thanks

 

[Cunanan77]

I have vacation, it's very long and complicated but I couldn't stay at home, especially now that my sister moved in because of her divorce. It was bad at home but It was better than where I'm at currently, honestly I could've enjoyed my vacation a little.
Now though I'm very stressed, I hope I can return to work soon so I can just move the days along. Being stuck doing nothing locked inside my head is just not good for me.

 

[Psycho Spider]

Trying my best to do well! Hope you are doing well yourself :)

 

[want2dienow]

Death
but unlike you no one wants to talk to me.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Sarcasm is apparently the lowest form of wit, and I'm somewhere lower than the gutter. Self deprecating, me?

Yup. Zero motivation. I was still awake at 5am vacantly scrolling through this forum, then supposed to be up a couple hours later. I might occasionally get a burst of random energy that allows for me to wash the dishes or something, because I'm vaguely aware I should though I don't see the point to anything.

The kinda tired sleep doesn't fix.

It's interesting how I read somebody else's post and it will reflect exactly how I'm feeling… Like your detail about the dishes… I'm the same way… The trash or just pile up and then I'll get this tiny little moment of inspiration and take out the trash and then feel like I accomplished so much that I can justify killing back to laying on the couch… I can't imagine having to work a real job with this energy level