how am I supposed to continue to live if I'm in constant unbearable pain?

[kunikuzushi]

I can't cope anymore. I can't get through one more day with this constant pain. I can't even escape it with sleep because I'm tortured by nightmares every night, or dreams of my deepest desires being fulfilled or things I had that were ripped away from me and then waking up in pure despair realizing that it's not real.

I really don't want to go through the next few hours. The pain is building up steadily every day, getting worse, and I'm at my limit. I'm screaming and crying constantly because I don't want this anymore.

My existence is what brings me pain, and I can't change who I am no matter how hard I try. I exhaust my partner constantly begging him to help me. He told me he's exhausted from trying to help me and is left feeling empty and defeated. He also told me my obsession with him and only wanting him puts too much pressure on him. What he says is completely understandable. But it makes me truly despise myself because I know I'm exhausting and unlovable.

I've been trapped with myself since birth and want out. I'm being tortured.

 

[socksnsandles]

the answer, for me at least, is: you dont.

 

[kunikuzushi]

the answer, for me at least, is: you dont.

I know. I already have my way out, but I'm really terrified of hurting a few people with my death.