Housing struggles

[Busridin'26]

Haaa my housing situation is wearing on me extremely.

I tried to talk about things again. Wasn't listened to at all. Had things just thrown in my face?

Was expected/forced to accept the outcome of the conversation and I feel awful.

I feel very meh. Like I expected the same bullshit response and being shut down in conversations. I'm still disappointed that I couldn't navigate that conversation to be more beneficial for me.

I am making sure that was not the last though. My voice has been taken from me too much here.

Going to be getting support from my other workers. It's a good thing I have em around because they've heard all the things and complaints that I have said and made.

I'm pissed too bc I feel like a worker just made a fool outta me. Manipulated the conversation extremely. Then acted like they we're right

All the while, the whole convo was filled with assumptions and bullshit logic.

Tried to blame for the conversations going nowhere.

Saying it's because I'm not taking responsibility or accountability. Which fucking hurt to hear. Like my posts on here ALONE show how much responsibility and accountability I've been taking and trying to take. How frustrated I've been with trying to change things

(Never wanna be like my parents that don't take any responsibility for anything)

It was such a brief moment but they recognized that they don't always recognize/acknowledge my effort... but that moment was so brief when it's such a huge highlight over the miscommunication...

I am dunno... I'm tired and I'm trying to leave this place soon. I just didn't wanna have to pretend. I wanted to speak about things. I wanted them to know the effect it all had.

Yup... class act mental health services turning one's abilities into excuses... like Jesus am I tired.

I ended up breaking down crying after and luckily got ahold of an outside worker. Talked to them and have said a lot of these things before, found a lot of comforts and also reminded me that I am not just mentally ill and not valid.


I feel like shit and it makes me feel even worse that they just expect me to accept it all and start "programming" tomorrow.
Like..... I'm still suicidal, I'm uncomfortable here, I'm struggling with my physical body.

But yup!!! Programming is mandatory and for some reason keeps being the key point in these conversations... They can kiss my ass.

I barely have the energy to clean my room these days but yall wanna ignore that bc the narrative of me not participating I guess makes more sense.

The whole convo was awful. Just not at all open communication or active listening. Wasnt supportive or anything either.

I cannot keep saying I'm trying my best and they just completely invalidating that. It's been like that since I have come here though. It's so awfully discouraging and daunting.

I at such a loss for words tbh like I'm not shocked but I'm like ???? Wow ???

Yeah... I just feel like shit and I plan to be avoiding everyone even more now... I dunno what I'm supposed to do...

In these current conditions, I've been struggling so much with getting the energy/spirit within myself.

I dunno how rn/this week I'm gonna get any better. I'm is tired of this state I've allowed others to put me in...

 

[Water-Lily]

Just wanted to say my heart breaks *hugs*

 

[Busridin'26]

Haaa my housing situation is wearing on me extremely.

I tried to talk about things again. Wasn't listened to at all. Had things just thrown in my face?

Was expected/forced to accept the outcome of the conversation and I feel awful.

I feel very meh. Like I expected the same bullshit response and being shut down in conversations. I'm still disappointed that I couldn't navigate that conversation to be more beneficial for me.

I am making sure that was not the last though. My voice has been taken from me too much here.

Going to be getting support from my other workers. It's a good thing I have em around because they've heard all the things and complaints that I have said and made.

I'm pissed too bc I feel like a worker just made a fool outta me. Manipulated the conversation extremely. Then acted like they we're right

All the while, the whole convo was filled with assumptions and bullshit logic.

Tried to blame for the conversations going nowhere.

Saying it's because I'm not taking responsibility or accountability. Which fucking hurt to hear. Like my posts on here ALONE show how much responsibility and accountability I've been taking and trying to take. How frustrated I've been with trying to change things

(Never wanna be like my parents that don't take any responsibility for anything)

It was such a brief moment but they recognized that they don't always recognize/acknowledge my effort... but that moment was so brief when it's such a huge highlight over the miscommunication...

I am dunno... I'm tired and I'm trying to leave this place soon. I just didn't wanna have to pretend. I wanted to speak about things. I wanted them to know the effect it all had.

Yup... class act mental health services turning one's abilities into excuses... like Jesus am I tired.

I ended up breaking down crying after and luckily got ahold of an outside worker. Talked to them and have said a lot of these things before, found a lot of comforts and also reminded me that I am not just mentally ill and not valid.


I feel like shit and it makes me feel even worse that they just expect me to accept it all and start "programming" tomorrow.
Like..... I'm still suicidal, I'm uncomfortable here, I'm struggling with my physical body.

But yup!!! Programming is mandatory and for some reason keeps being the key point in these conversations... They can kiss my ass.

I barely have the energy to clean my room these days but yall wanna ignore that bc the narrative of me not participating I guess makes more sense.

The whole convo was awful. Just not at all open communication or active listening. Wasnt supportive or anything either.

I cannot keep saying I'm trying my best and they just completely invalidating that. It's been like that since I have come here though. It's so awfully discouraging and daunting.

I at such a loss for words tbh like I'm not shocked but I'm like ???? Wow ???

Yeah... I just feel like shit and I plan to be avoiding everyone even more now... I dunno what I'm supposed to do...

In these current conditions, I've been struggling so much with getting the energy/spirit within myself.

I dunno how rn/this week I'm gonna get any better. I'm is tired of this state I've allowed others to put me in...

I hope I can sleep soon but im not too worried....

Im outta smokes until like Friday so smoking will be a lil less satisfying if even worth it at all...

I just don't feel ok here. Its been affecting me and I dunno how to change things without compromising who I am... I dunno how to operate for myself here not for others expectations

I feel awful. Makes me feel worse that they think they're ok but im not doing enough... Ugh so frustrating and making me sooo sad.

There isn't a lot of people to talk to. The people I found comfort in talking to here, I no longer do. The peoole here that I can talk to don't work often...

I really hope the director comes in this week. I need to keep talking but I also need to continue the conversation with someone else.

I can't believe I let them gaslight me AGAIN.