horrible dream last night

[dospi1]

Hey guys, i was preatty sure i would use my SN after the holydays to not ruin peopples end of the year, but yesterday i had a horrible, dream i has to do whit my mother, i think or better used to think she would be alright after im gone, shes a very strongh woman i saw her beat cancer, lead the case for the horrible case of the murdering of her brother (my uncle) and countless things more, i was preatty she would move on rather quickly. but tonight i had this horrible dream of her crying, time pases as she cries and she goes older and older until a point her face was disformed for crying so much. im confused in the end shes the only one who haves ever loved me, im sorry this sounds kinda of a rant, but im confused and deeply disturbed by that dream, any of your toughts on this could be really helpfull

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be awful having nightmares. I'm sorry you are going through this. For many people there is no peace, even in sleep. I wish you the best.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

What a scary dream! It is always more difficult when parents don't know about your plans, particularly when they think that you are ok. Judging by what you've said about her character, she might be able to weather your death better than most people. Your dream could also represent internal feelings of guilt about CTB.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Thats terrible. I am sorry. I have the same premonition about my mother and I know she is very strong woman but I know my death will break her and she will never recover from it. I am reaching to a breaking point though. On one hand I really dont want her to go through that but I know for a fact that I have no other option and that I will have to ctb eventually. I am getting anxious as my suffering is compounded as time goes by and I am getting to a point where I am unable to live with it. So much humiliation as result of being dysfunctional. It is absolutely the worst tragedy

 

[Quantum Particle]

Your mum would be devastated if you CTB, you may well of been her strength to do the things she has done. I am a parent and my older children are keeping me ticking over and staying alive. It is not my place to tell you what to do or how to feel but you could be her rock. Really sorry for my reply I think I've made your choice 10 times worse. Keep trying at life for a bit longer, let's face it you don't have anything to loose. This weekend I lost a load of tiles off my roof and it rained in on me while in bed while already feeling so down. Things are so shit for me how can things get worse, they can't so I'm going to fight on and see how it goes. Battle on for now and tell her your down. Maybe don't mention suicide though little buddy

 

[dospi1]

Thats terrible. I am sorry. I have the same premonition about my mother and I know she is very strong woman but I know my death will break her and she will never recover from it. I am reaching to a breaking point though. On one hand I really dont want her to go through that but I know for a fact that I have no other option and that I will have to ctb eventually. I am getting anxious as my suffering is compounded as time goes by and I am getting to a point where I am unable to live with it. So much humiliation as result of being dysfunctional. It is absolutely the worst tragedy

I really feel just like that you know, im trapped its so claustrophobic, there is no truly an outlet. ive felt every die like i wanna cry and scream for a long time now but in the end i never can and the presure its on a point where not even sleeping i find peace now. im so sorry you are going trough this mate stay strong whatever the end of the road is for us

Your mum would be devastated if you CTB, you may well of been her strength to do the things she has done. I am a parent and my older children are keeping me ticking over and staying alive. It is not my place to tell you what to do or how to feel but you could be her rock. Really sorry for my reply I think I've made your choice 10 times worse. Keep trying at life for a bit longer, let's face it you don't have anything to loose. This weekend I lost a load of tiles off my roof and it rained in on me while in bed while already feeling so down. Things are so shit for me how can things get worse, they can't so I'm going to fight on and see how it goes. Battle on for now and tell her your down. Maybe don't mention suicide though little buddy

thanks i know im far from having the hardest but that somehow only makes me fell worse about me, im sorry about your roof that should have been so horrible, stay strong man