Venting hopeless

[maidens]

tonight I'm staying up much later than usual for a song premiere, but after this I'm not going to have anything to look forward to for a really long time. my birthday is soon, but I really don't want to get older, halloween is in 2 months but I know I won't be able to do much, thanksgiving isn't exciting at all and christmas is going to end this year that's gone by far too fast. I don't know what to do anymore. having things to look forward to usually keeps me going but I really don't have anything now. I want to CTB but the thought of no longer existing scares me, even though I really can't go on like this. it's so painful having to live though all of this and I want to die, but I'm still so terrified. it's probably really pathetic, and I really don't know how much longer I can take this pain, I thought recovery might be an option for me but every single day it becomes more probable I'll be like this forever and I'm beyond saving. I don't even have much of a future at this point, I don't know what to do anymore

edit: well, it premiered a little over 20 minutes ago, I really don't know how I'll go on. the song is good at least, it's this

 

[male user]

Have you ever tried focusing on something else than you mentioned? Like a hobby for example?
As for myself I find peace playing video games, not only helps me forget about the reality but I also can't ever complain about lack of new ones. Best wishes.

Also the song is pretty good, I saved it to my playlist

 

[maidens]

Have you ever tried focusing on something else than you mentioned? Like a hobby for example?
As for myself I find peace playing video games, not only helps me forget about the reality but I also can't ever complain about lack of new ones. Best wishes.

Also the song is pretty good, I saved it to my playlist

I have a little, I don't have many hobbies but the ones I do help a bit. thank you ♡

 

[male user]

I have a little, I don't have many hobbies but the ones I do help a bit. thank you ♡

I'm glad there's still something that makes you feel a little better. Would you mind if I asked what do you like to do?