T
thatisitguy
Member
- Jul 11, 2024
- 57
July broke me and broke me bad. Even if the month of July didn't happen, then I'd still be suicidal. All July did was cement my decision to end my life and to make it happen in a manner where I go in dignity and comfort. I woke this morning and felt a lot better than any day last week. I realized that the difference between today and other days is that I can't retreat into denial that things will get better.
That being said, I took 10 blues (counterfeit pain pills that are actually just fentanyl) and supplemented it with some norcos and percocet. I washed it down with a bit of alcohol and melatonin. I am cognizant that I might as well had signed my death warrant and could pass away without having done a lot of things or that I still have fresh donut holes in my kitchen or that I really want to go visit the beach or go to a garden store and smell flowers. No note.
I honestly don't know if what I took will kill me or not. If not, then I will have to spend all of next week lowering my tolerance and I guess not eating and will take more. If that doesn't work then I'll have to get some heroin from my dealer and try another overdose. I will not stop trying until I die. This is not a phase.
I took everything about 30 minutes ago. I know it will take time for everything to hit but I am comfortable. I have no regrets. Thank you to this board or providing advice and feedback.
35 minutes after consumption: Feel very different than from any time that I've used pain pills before. Ironically, I said to myself (sarcastically) that my job will either call or text me as I am dying even though it's the weekend and the LAST thing that I want to hear from and it will be over bullshit. Sure enough, my office cell rang. I turned it off. If anyone from my job ever read this then I would want them to know that their inability to respect my off time played a role in my ending my life. Fuck you. And for that I am adding an hour of OT.
90 minutes after consumption: Took one more blue and two norcos. Starting to feel a bit buzzed and sleepy and itchy. I think this high will be nice and/or will kill me. It just feels very different. Last time I felt like this was when I blacked out.
That being said, I took 10 blues (counterfeit pain pills that are actually just fentanyl) and supplemented it with some norcos and percocet. I washed it down with a bit of alcohol and melatonin. I am cognizant that I might as well had signed my death warrant and could pass away without having done a lot of things or that I still have fresh donut holes in my kitchen or that I really want to go visit the beach or go to a garden store and smell flowers. No note.
I honestly don't know if what I took will kill me or not. If not, then I will have to spend all of next week lowering my tolerance and I guess not eating and will take more. If that doesn't work then I'll have to get some heroin from my dealer and try another overdose. I will not stop trying until I die. This is not a phase.
I took everything about 30 minutes ago. I know it will take time for everything to hit but I am comfortable. I have no regrets. Thank you to this board or providing advice and feedback.
35 minutes after consumption: Feel very different than from any time that I've used pain pills before. Ironically, I said to myself (sarcastically) that my job will either call or text me as I am dying even though it's the weekend and the LAST thing that I want to hear from and it will be over bullshit. Sure enough, my office cell rang. I turned it off. If anyone from my job ever read this then I would want them to know that their inability to respect my off time played a role in my ending my life. Fuck you. And for that I am adding an hour of OT.
90 minutes after consumption: Took one more blue and two norcos. Starting to feel a bit buzzed and sleepy and itchy. I think this high will be nice and/or will kill me. It just feels very different. Last time I felt like this was when I blacked out.
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