Venting Hopefully I'll be dead come the morning

[JustKillBen22]

I'm gonna go to the nearby bridge again, I haven't made it all the way there in a long time, but hopefully I do, and I can jump. It's what I need, I need to be gone.

But even if I can't, even if I'm a coward again, I can't talk to people anymore, whenever I reach out, whenever I make friends they always fuck me over and make me feel so much worse. I've been through so much shit, and then I find someone who I think actually cares about me, and they just hurt me instead. And then it happens again, and again, and again. I have to jump because I can't take this anymore. I can't live this life. I'm so lost and helpless and broken. I have to jump.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i hope you find peace and if you end up changing your mind ill still be here for you

 

[opiatedreamz]

i hope you find your peace. i wish you a safe and peaceful journey. if you choose otherwise in the end, that's okay too.

 

[Sensei]

You do what's best for you. However, I must ask, do you have friends here? Could they perhaps help you through this until you meet decent people in real life?

 

[Craig31ldn]

Not a good idea. Too many variables.

 

[peacechoice]

Same, once you reveal your true suicidal and hurt self, people get scared and back off. Instead of understanding they get scared and tired and leave.
I am really sorry that no one understands. I wish I knew you in real life because trust me I would understand. I really would.

 

[JustKillBen22]

I'm a fucking coward. It's too hard to jump. I don't get it, it's only 1 step, but being up there, alone with my thoughts, I can't help playing the worst case scenarios over and over in my head. Why am I so weak. I think I'm gonna just never get out of bed until I wither away and fucking die instead...

 

[Lordsudbury]

I'm a fucking coward. It's too hard to jump. I don't get it, it's only 1 step, but being up there, alone with my thoughts, I can't help playing the worst case scenarios over and over in my head. Why am I so weak. I think I'm gonna just never get out of bed until I wither away and fucking die instead...

It's ok. I chose not to jump this summer because I didn't think the jump would kill me (into water, about 45m), but would definitely break my phone and ruin my week.

Maybe your choice not to jump is because do you question if it will work? Is it into water or ?

 

[JustKillBen22]

It's ok. I chose not to jump this summer because I didn't think the jump would kill me (into water, about 45m), but would definitely break my phone and ruin my week.

Maybe your choice not to jump is because do you question if it will work? Is it into water or ?

No, it's about the same height but onto solid ground instead. It's also onto private land, so nobody would find me at the earliest until the morning hours later, AND it's not open at the weekend cause the land is for some sports thing, so the chance of me surviving is basically 0. Could I? Yes. Would I? No. My worry more comes from the fear of the unknown, what happens when we die? And how does it affect the people in my life when I'm gone? That's what stops me jumping, and I hate it...

 

[Surgeon]

Take it easy on yourself mate.
Alot of us relate and feel stuck but taunting yourself won't help i promise.
The unknown is fucking scary and so is life but here we are.
If you need to talk there's a farm of us here

 

[Lordsudbury]

No, it's about the same height but onto solid ground instead. It's also onto private land, so nobody would find me at the earliest until the morning hours later, AND it's not open at the weekend cause the land is for some sports thing, so the chance of me surviving is basically 0. Could I? Yes. Would I? No. My worry more comes from the fear of the unknown, what happens when we die? And how does it affect the people in my life when I'm gone? That's what stops me jumping, and I hate it...

That's really it. Overcoming that. Ending the human experience. You don't exist anymore. Ever again. You can never be you again.
That's the final bridge to cross for sure

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Don't beat yourself up for not being able to jump, it's hard and these feelings are all completely natural