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J

JustABunchOfAtoms

She/they
Jul 23, 2020
516
So. I thought that I would never be able to CTB but I have a good window of opportunity to do so. If you read my plan you would know why.

  • I now have 3 suppliers of SN. I have ordered a PO and it when it arrives I can order the SN for those sources
  • I know a pharmacy that sells AEs OtC
  • Hotels are open in Ireland
  • It looking likely that I can stay over night at my mum's on Christmas night
  • I can order a burner phone to the PO box. Using my normal phone was how I got caught the last two times I ranaway
  • I seem to have made people in general think that I'm getting better (though I don't know how). My mum has told me so. And I think some hospital staff have said so.
  • My consultant said she expects me to be here two months. The only thing stopping a discharge is finding somewhere for me to live
Yet there is still cause for concern:
  • The PO box being in NI is both a blessing and a curse. It means I can have a burner phone, but the opening times may mean that my chances of getting caught increase. It could mean that I have to hang out on trains and buses for a very long time in that area. This is my biggest concern. Staying in my city really increases my chances of getting caught
  • There is still the risk of getting caught in general. Being in the Republic reduces the risk though.
  • There is a chance that my mum won't trust me enough to not run away
  • There is the chance that the SN won't arrive in time. But then I can OD on caffeine, but AFAIK it has a higher failure rate.
 
Last edited:
mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
You are hospitalized?
 
J

JustABunchOfAtoms

She/they
Jul 23, 2020
516
Have been hospitalised since July
 
mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
I did not know. That's a long time. Were you hospitalized after a suicide attempt?
 
S

Spitfire

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,274
Things sound like they have changed for the better with the people at the hospital for you. I would hate for this to get ruined if something went wrong with your plan. It took awhile to get to this place from not knowing if or when they would consider releasing you.

Would two months be too long to wait now at this point, if it meant a more certain opportunity to CTB? It could maybe end up being less than two months. I am not sure what type of assisted living situation they are talking about finding for you? What it would be like?

It seems like it has potential, but could also end up not happening as planned for reasons outside of your control too.

If you decided against it for any reason or if things did not happen as planned for any reason.. could you just call it off or not go through with it at that point without causing a major disruption to your future (with the hospital people and assisted living situation)?
 
justanotherstar

justanotherstar

Life: you can’t fire me, I quit.
Nov 23, 2020
345
I didn't know you were in hospital, sorry to hear that. I've spent a lot of time in hospital and my longest stint was 14months, those places are enough to grind anyone down to want to CTB - are you sure waiting until your out isn't an option? Life may well be a lot different once your out. I obviously don't know anything about your circumstances and I'm not hear to preach I just know CTB is a huge decision. Having to worry about being a missing person and what not sounds like added stress on a day that will be tough enough already. Have you thought about what you'll do if you don't get your SN - I'm worried to hear you say you'll turn to a caffeine OD, is that something you've researched because there's been some discussions here recently about it and it sounds like a tricky way to go. I'd hate for you to make desperate decisions because you've planned around a certain day rather than planning around a method. Is there a reason for such urgency?

hope you can use the support of everyone here to explore your plans a little bit more, maybe even reach out and see what life is like after hospital - there are plenty of us here who can wear that T-shirt

wishing you all the best
 
J

JustABunchOfAtoms

She/they
Jul 23, 2020
516
I did not know. That's a long time. Were you hospitalized after a suicide attempt?

Yes but it was implusive
Things sound like they have changed for the better with the people at the hospital for you. I would hate for this to get ruined if something went wrong with your plan.

What do you think could go wrong?
Having to worry about being a missing person and what not sounds like added stress on a day that will be tough enough already.

I've been a missing person 3 times and I find it quite exciting. And each time I've learnt something new

Have you thought about what you'll do if you don't get your SN - I'm worried to hear you say you'll turn to a caffeine OD, is that something you've researched because there's been some discussions here recently about it and it sounds like a tricky way to go.

I'd hate for you to make desperate decisions because you've planned around a certain day rather than planning around a method. Is there a reason for such urgency?


What do you mean?
 
Last edited:
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justanotherstar

justanotherstar

Life: you can’t fire me, I quit.
Nov 23, 2020
345
I guess I'm just wondering what you might do impulsively if your plans fall through and there is no SN in your PO Box. Like many people here have tried to catch the bus early before they have had all of the things they need and most of the time they just end up being impulsive and hurting themselves and failing to CTB. Sometimes it's better to wait even though that's hard.
 
J

JustABunchOfAtoms

She/they
Jul 23, 2020
516
I will be able to track my order and if there isn't I will OD on caffeine I will buy from the pharmacy
 
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sadworld

sadworld

existence is a nightmare
Aug 25, 2020
3,870
Hey, it looks like you have everything planned out well. That's always good for a successful attempt! I hope everything works out for you @JustABunchOfAtoms :heart: :heart: :hug: :hug:
 
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J

JustABunchOfAtoms

She/they
Jul 23, 2020
516
My social worker wants to see me on Monday. Hopefully I'll find something out
 
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