NSFW Hookups while depressed

[willitpass]

I feel so numb, empty, and suicidal. I'm considering hooking up with as many guys ask me to just because. I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care if it's stupid and risky, hell if I catch something it's just all the more reason to fucking off myself. And maybe I'll get lucky and one of them will kill me so I don't have to do it myself. I probably won't actually do it because I'm too scared of deciding not to CTB yet and just having to live with some awful STD, but sometimes I'm tempted to just to fucking feel something.

 

[forced2live]

i wish I knew someone like you in real life , i could lose my virginity before my death. I don't care about anything anymore. all i want to do, is to die. quick and painless.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I suffer from Anhedonia, so I completely understand your need to feel something, and just go crazy and take risks.
So sorry you are going through this.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I def can relate to this feeling and used to do stuff like this before the pandemic. It was always... odd I dunno it def filled a void at times but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone bc its how I met my abusive ex.

Sorry your feeling this feeling. My unsolicited advice is masturbation tbh. It fills a void without the danger

 

[90starve]

I def can relate to this feeling and used to do stuff like this before the pandemic. It was always... odd I dunno it def filled a void at times but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone bc its how I met my abusive ex.

Sorry your feeling this feeling. My unsolicited advice is masturbation tbh. It fills a void without the danger

this is also how i met my crazy ex - one hookup turned into 2.5 years of torment. be careful <3

 

[willitpass]

this is also how i met my crazy ex - one hookup turned into 2.5 years of torment. be careful <3

I def can relate to this feeling and used to do stuff like this before the pandemic. It was always... odd I dunno it def filled a void at times but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone bc its how I met my abusive ex.

Sorry your feeling this feeling. My unsolicited advice is masturbation tbh. It fills a void without the danger

I'm sorry you guys had to go through with that. To be honest if I do decide to start hooking up recklessly, I probably will be CTB very soon after. I hope you guys are able to find peace after all of that.

 

[jonghyun]

Ah.. i did it too once.. it made me feel worse about myself. The sex is fun for a night and its cool to have someone's attention and affections be on you 100%, even if just for a short while, but thats the double edged sword. When they lose interest you feel more worthless. If you do it just to have sex, then its fine, but if you do it for human connection, you make it worse

 

[willitpass]

Ah.. i did it too once.. it made me feel worse about myself. The sex is fun for a night and it's cool to have someone's attention and affections be on you 100%, even if just for a short while, but thats the double edged sword. When they lose interest you feel more worthless. If you do it just to have sex, then its fine, but if you do it for human connection, you make it worse

I've already run into this issue. I started seeing a guy with the mutual expectation of some sort of relationship, turned into us just having sex, then he would ghost me for a few days before texting me again for another hookup. Now I haven't heard from him at all in over a week. I'm not making that mistake again for awhile. This would be no strings attached just pure sex.

 

[jonghyun]

I've already run into this issue. I started seeing a guy with the mutual expectation of some sort of relationship, turned into us just having sex, then he would ghost me for a few days before texting me again for another hookup. Now I haven't heard from him at all in over a week. I'm not making that mistake again for awhile. This would be no strings attached just pure sex.

make sure the person you do it with is someone you would never consider being in a relationship with. Once the hormones get flowing its no joke that you start to feel affections against your will sometimes. Think about their bad qualities and how it would suck to have anything more than a sexual relationship with them or you dig yourself into a deep deep hole ...

 

[willitpass]

make sure the person you do it with is someone you would never consider being in a relationship with. Once the hormones get flowing it's no joke that you start to feel affections against your will sometimes. Think about their bad qualities and how it would suck to have anything more than a sexual relationship with them or you dig yourself into a deep deep hole ...

I'll keep that in mind. Feeing empty drives people to do some crazy things. Especially when you mix suicidal in there, and all of a sudden everything can be rationalized with "I'm just going to kill myself anyway".

 

[jonghyun]

I'll keep that in mind. Feeing empty drives people to do some crazy things. Especially when you mix suicidal in there, and all of a sudden everything can be rationalized with "I'm just going to kill myself anyway".

You are so right omg.. and it makes it worse because you think, oh whats the worst that can happen? I wont be here much longer anyway! I think its important to still be a bit wise and safe about it because you never know the future. Enjoy it but if you get.. like.. pregnant... AAAAAAAHH

 

[willitpass]

You are so right omg.. and it makes it worse because you think, oh whats the worst that can happen? I wont be here much longer anyway! I think its important to still be a bit wise and safe about it because you never know the future. Enjoy it but if you get.. like.. pregnant... AAAAAAAHH

I'm on birth control, always use condoms, and have no qualms picking up some plan B. Abortion is still legal where I am, worst comes to worst, but I am very proactive to not let that happen. I am not mentally stable enough (obviously, Im on here) to be pregnant or have a child. That is completely and utterly unfair to the child, so believe me I would never let that happen.

 

[jonghyun]

I'm on birth control, always use condoms, and have no qualms picking up some plan B. Abortion is still legal where I am, worst comes to worst, but I am very proactive to not let that happen. I am not mentally stable enough (obviously, Im on here) to be pregnant or have a child. That is completely and utterly unfair to the child, so believe me I would never let that happen.

You got this! Go and enjoy yourself then :)

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

You can try, but in my experience it made me feel worse. That might seem impossible, but it's not. I couldn't even go through with it. It somehow made me feel even more lonely in this world to have to strike a connection with somebody there is no genuine connection with.

 

[Vizzy]

I feel so numb, empty, and suicidal. I'm considering hooking up with as many guys ask me to just because. I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care if it's stupid and risky, hell if I catch something it's just all the more reason to fucking off myself. And maybe I'll get lucky and one of them will kill me so I don't have to do it myself. I probably won't actually do it because I'm too scared of deciding not to CTB yet and just having to live with some awful STD, but sometimes I'm tempted to just to fucking feel something.

I am already doing it for past 2 to 3 years, I had sex with 50 different partners in the last 3 years, but surprisingly I had caught std only one time and it was not a big deal, one injection and I was good in 2 days and completely out of std in 3 weeks as I had Gonorrhea damn it was a nasty STD lol, after that I got a gf and now have sex only with her

Hope you enjoy and have enough sex before you do ctb, go for it!

 

[EmmaD]

I feel so numb, empty, and suicidal. I'm considering hooking up with as many guys ask me to just because. I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care if it's stupid and risky, hell if I catch something it's just all the more reason to fucking off myself. And maybe I'll get lucky and one of them will kill me so I don't have to do it myself. I probably won't actually do it because I'm too scared of deciding not to CTB yet and just having to live with some awful STD, but sometimes I'm tempted to just to fucking feel something.

Are you a girl? Hook up with other girls.. great sex and less chance of stds. My relationship with my husband is open in terms of me being with other girls. A couple of years ago in particular I needed to FEEL SOMETHING!! And I joined a lesbian hook up site and had the best time. Those are the good times with bpd.. having adventures.. like one day I had 2 dates in one day in London.. so fun..

 

[SexyIncél]

Yeah, haha wouldn't it suck if you find the Love of Your Life... but you got some annoying STD because you sat on a toxic dick?

There's @EmmaD's brilliant idea; and least be careful. Take PrEP & so on

 

[DurkheimsCat]

Yeah but the idea of having to endure small talk with someone... gross.

 

[willitpass]

Update: I have turned to sexting hookups. No STD risk, and still gives me the temporary high I'm seeking. What in the hell am I doing with my life? How have a gotten to this point? I don't know, but at least I can't get to feel something, however fleeting.