Discussion Honest question about Self-Sabotage

[alivefornow]

Have you found yourself making wrong choices on purpose, forcing yourself into worse situations, believing your mental health decline would push you closer towards CTB?

And, most importantly, is visiting this website part of this act?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't think I have. Life's circumstances all on their own have brought me to where I am. I was suicidal long before even discovering this site. Right now, by visiting SS, I'm merely passing some time and getting some very much needed social interaction with others, albeit in a virtual setting, that I don't have in real life, until I arrive at my fateful moment.

 

[Scythe]

Does not doing anything count? I just stopped doing things recently, I stopped trying to get better and I never really planned or prepared for my future since the only future I can realistically see happen is my suicide. I also beat myself up over everything to myself feel bad, I am aware most of the times when I do it, but I don't know if it counts as more self harm or self sabotage as I'm doing it to punish myself.

 

[2Toes]

Yeah . I'm nearly at the bottom of the barrel . Lost my family , house , job and been arrested 4 times in the last 2 months so looking at time now. The only reason I'm still here is because I'm a Heroin addict and still get little joy out of getting doped up.

 

[jodes2]

Not really. This site doesn't make me suicidal. But it did help me buy SN, which I did, and that's about as far as it goes. I don't self sabotage more than just my regular shitty life choices which I didn't have much choice in because my mental health has always been a bit shit

 

[western_heart]

I self sabotage for a lot of reasons. Some choices I make are making it more likely for me to catch the bus, but I don't think I make choices because they make my suicide more likely.

I am also sabotaging potential suicide. Like I got medical marijuana and a part of me was holding off on that because I thought having the card would make it illegal for me to buy a gun. (I'm not shopping for a gun right now but this particular restriction I believe was successfully challenged in court.) And I've thrown away two different other methods over the years, one of which would have been rather painless and easy.

I wrote more about my own self sabotage in this thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/self-sabotage-tell-me-your-stories.94234/post-1657219

 

[notadaisy]

Have you found yourself making wrong choices on purpose, forcing yourself into worse situations, believing your mental health decline would push you closer towards CTB?

And, most importantly, is visiting this website part of this act?

yeah. i am too self aware of myself and the things i do, i have self destructive behaviors. my mental health is already down since before when i still didn't do sabotaging acts by myself tho. i tend to do impulsive stuff and make irrational decisions which i know the consequences of and can damage me more. there are times that i intend in doing things to make me feel worse or be in a much terrible situation cause its just that i dont care much anymore and want to end it all.. but sometimes things just happen, i already feel too effed up and me or my life can't be fixed or for me to be alright.
visiting this website is not part of it tho, i came here because i wanted to be in a community where i can be seen, heard, and understood by people that actually know what it feels like to be like this. seeking out a support system where i don't have to cover myself up.

 

[bennydiazapine]

Yeah once I decided I was going to killmyself I wiliningly developed an opiate habit.

 

[FuneralCry]

No. My reason for still being here is not because I'm not suicidal enough to end my existence, it's because I have limited access to reliable methods and actually going through with suicide is something that is difficult and complicated for me. If I had a method like N I would be long gone, and I personally don't want to make myself suffer more. It wouldn't achieve anything apart from just making existence more unbearable for me.

 

[wastingpotential]

And, most importantly, is visiting this website part of this act?

asking myself this same question too.
i'm new here, literally just got my account approved, scrolling through threads and wondering if i'm wrecking my headspace more by reading so many things.

i'd say at the moment i don't do much that's considered reckless, but merely i do things without much care of it's consequences, good or bad, i don't really have plans to cbt at the moment but i get thoughts regularly, so i don't know how much this ties into that, if at all.

but i think that's one of the reasons i'm here now, to figure shit out, in a way.