Venting High Functioning

[deletedaccount30982]

I've been incredibly high functioning this year and it gives me emotional whiplash. Straight As in incredibly difficult college courses while being successful at a full time job. I have been throwing myself into my hobbies. I do fun activities. I am the definition of high functioning and people tell me they envy my ability to be so successful at so many things. Yet I haven't been this low in a very long time. I feel like a fraud. Ungrateful. A waste of talent. I despise myself, and yet I have what everyone wants. I hate myself. I hope I die soon.

 

[Adûnâi]

If I were skilled enough, I'd kill myself, too.

I for one respect chads and stacies who kill themselves, because existential weariness is not exclusive to the wretched.

 

[Worndown]

Have you taken any action to see why you feel that low?
With your recent successes, most medications will slow you down so would be counter productive.
Talking with someone might enable you to lessen that feeling and still enjoy bring successful.
It is a very delicate balance. Please do not do anything too radical.

 

[Kit1]

Have you taken any action to see why you feel that low?
With your recent successes, most medications will slow you down so would be counter productive.
Talking with someone might enable you to lessen that feeling and still enjoy bring successful.
It is a very delicate balance. Please do not do anything too radical.

This makes sense

 

[deletedaccount30982]

Have you taken any action to see why you feel that low?
With your recent successes, most medications will slow you down so would be counter productive.
Talking with someone might enable you to lessen that feeling and still enjoy bring successful.
It is a very delicate balance. Please do not do anything too radical.

I have been in therapy since I was a child. I have tried every medication in the book. I have been in every intensive therapy program available in my area. I have been inpatient too many times to count and to residential. I have even had shock therapy. I have tried everything to get better so please do not feed me that it might get better try to get help bullshit. I am beyond that point. There is nothing that can help me and it's exhausting being told to keep fighting and trying.

 

[Hotsackage]

I can relate, people expect things from me but dont know the actual turmoil in my mind. I commend u for being high functioning. Only advice is you have to be your own therapist if that's what you choose, society is so screwed it doesnt know how to deal complex mental health. Wish you well

 

[Worndown]

This was the first post of yours I saw. I usually save that "help" bullshit for people that seem to be looking for answers.
I am sorry.

 

[hellispink]

Only you can answer your own questions. Mostly if we just willing to listen what we want to hear. Luck.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

Only you can answer your own questions. Mostly if we just willing to listen what we want to hear. Luck.

I don't have any questions. I'm not looking for answers. I just come here to vent out into the world I suppose.