Story Hi everyone, new here

[Undesirable]

So my father committed suicide at the age of 60 (I was 13 at the time). This was during the 2008 housing crisis and he was flipping houses. Long story short, no one called him for work (carpentry) and the House wouldn't sell. All of this pressure got to him and he became extremely depressed and anxious for about six months. He was visually sick, he would pace around the house all day and was unfit to work or even socialize.

I saw the suicide coming and accepted It right away. My dad was never a bad guy and, to be honest, didn't show signs of depression before the financial crisis. My brother, mother, and I all still love my dad and think about him daily. He was an amazing guy and this illness just took a hold of him. No one in the family blamed him or had any animosity towards him, although I've probably had some issues growing up without a father figure for the rest of my youth and even today. I hope that helps some of you. But to you fathers/mothers at least consider how your family may feel or the implications your suicide may have on their life. It's hard to tell people how he died so I usually just say "he was sick"

He did it one morning in the garage of our house with a nail gun. He left no note. He was in an (induced?) coma for about a day until we pulled the plug. I've been browsing this website for a bit and I see how much preparation and thought goes into planning a suicide. I was always under the impression that his suicide was an impulse but what do you guys/girls think about it given you're all suicidal as well? Was this planned? I slept at a friends house down the street and could've came home early enough to see him in the garage so I don't think he was thinking clearly. He was EXCRUCIATINGLY depressed and anxious, mentally unwell to even a person he would talk to.

Also, for the past 6 months I've been incredibly depressed and anxious to the point of agoraphobia at one point. I'm slowly becoming a bit more social, but it's still horrible, so I'm on lexapro and klonopin. I can potentially elaborate on myself in a future post if I end up becoming a part of the community.

At this moment I'm not suicidal. But if my life goes in the way that I believe it will, I'll probably have to kill my self at some point. As of right now I still have a glimmer of hope here and there.

These feelings are 100% genetic in my opinion. My brother has even been having panic attacks throughout the day (was barely able to get out of bed) after he lost his job. He seems to be recovering nicely with therapy though. He tends to have huge anxiety outbursts for a short while but bounced back relatively well, while I dwell and fixate on the negative and can't seem to shake those thoughts for over a few minutes.

Thanks, and if you guys can give me your opinions on my questions regarding my father that'd be great.

It's a bit of a weird time right (1:00am eastern US) now so if this doesn't get any traffic I may bump it or repost it tomorrow, hope that doesn't bother anyone.

 

[RottingFlowerBrains]

Hey ☆
Welcome and thanks for sharing!

Although I can't give a detailed answer, it's anyone's guess that Suicide was playing on your fathers mind (Bless him) leading up to the incident as a sort of coping mechanism for the mind as he waded through the stress and pressure of his situation. I mean in the sense of thoughts like " if I killed myself this stress and pressure would all be over etc etc...
Many of us, myself including often when faced with bad situations, stress, anxiety or uneasiness etc n negetive feelings or deep in depression have thoughts such as well if I killed myself then I wouldn't have to face this, or if I killed myself I wouldn't have to go through this, or do these basic things.. it's almost a minds way of trying to deal with the uneasy feelings and pain and thoughts.
I think in that sense that it is possible he did think about it leading up to the incident, as a last resort in the back of his mind.. a coping mechanism for the brain.

It's hard to tell if his Death was planned or impulsive in that moment but I firmly think suicide would of been dancing on his mind at least a little.

I feel uneasy responding about what your father may or may not have been thinking or feeling as it is a close to the heart subject and I am a stranger on the internet who knows nothing about your life or you or your father and therefore have no place for an opinion but I wanted to give it deep thought and give you a response on your thread

So sorry for your loss and love always

RfB

 

[Undesirable]

Hey ☆
Welcome and thanks for sharing!

Although I can't give a detailed answer, it's anyone's guess that Suicide was playing on your fathers mind (Bless him) leading up to the incident as a sort of coping mechanism for the mind as he waded through the stress and pressure of his situation. I mean in the sense of thoughts like " if I killed myself this stress and pressure would all be over etc etc...
Many of us, myself including often when faced with bad situations, stress, anxiety or uneasiness etc n negetive feelings or deep in depression have thoughts such as well if I killed myself then I wouldn't have to face this, or if I killed myself I wouldn't have to go through this, or do these basic things.. it's almost a minds way of trying to deal with the uneasy feelings and pain and thoughts.
I think in that sense that it is possible he did think about it leading up to the incident, as a last resort in the back of his mind.. a coping mechanism for the brain.

It's hard to tell if his Death was planned or impulsive in that moment but I firmly think suicide would of been dancing on his mind at least a little.

I feel uneasy responding about what your father may or may not have been thinking or feeling as it is a close to the heart subject and I am a stranger on the internet who knows nothing about your life or you or your father and therefore have no place for an opinion but I wanted to give it deep thought and give you a response on your thread

So sorry for your loss and love always

RfB

Thanks for the detailed reply. I do believe suicide was playing through his mind quite a bit, and I can't blame him after seeing the situation he was going through. I was just curious what members here thought about the circumstances leading up to that. Nail gun to the temple in the morning with no note seems like an impulsive act. After reading through here for the past couple weeks I've gotten a glimpse of truly suicidal people with planned methods and times. I was always under the impression that, although my father probably juggled around with the idea of suicide, his seemed to be impulsive. But it seems like it's a bit more methodical than that, after reading through here. I guess I'll never know, and I'm okay with that. He's at peace now.

Like I said, there are circumstances in my own life that led me to be browsing this website in the first place. I don't have a plan or feel the need to take myself out yet, but if the time comes I know this is a good place to get decent information and have a sense of community.

Even when I was happy, and I was throughout my teenage years, I understood my fathers death and understood that a person should have the right to die.

I'd like to emphasize to those with families that my father was a great man, and I remember him telling me during one of his panic attacks to "remember him as he was" (he probably knew he was going to go soon). And that's what I try to do. I remember the good times and the things he taught me before he became severely depressed. My family and I have no ill feelings about my father and we know him as the great guy that he was. That's anecdotal and I'm sure it doesn't apply to everyone's living situations, but it's my honest opinion.

With that being said, I do think it's important to weigh out the pros and cons of the situation, and if you truly are at a point in life that your problems are irreversible or your mental illness has taken complete control, it could be acceptable to family members. But I think it's crucial for them to know how badly you're struggling too. If I didn't see my dad lose 30 pounds, age 10 years, and frantically run around the house all day with no sleep, it'd be harder to process his death. Because we know how much pain he was in, my family was able to grieve properly and understand his death.

Sorry if I'm preaching to the choir. But I felt like that should be said.