![Zanexx](/data/avatars/l/1/1227.jpg?1534122027)
Zanexx
Dead
- Jul 15, 2018
- 189
I'm Zanexx - not my real name obviously. I'm physically female and in my mid-20s.
Fundamentally, I am almost completely nihilistic and close enough to an antinatalist. At the very least, I see no inherent value in life.
I was supposed to die on either the 9th or the 13th, but shit happened (no attempts ended up being made for logistical reasons) and I'm still here. My last proper attempts were a little over a month ago. My method: hanging, I have a 5m polyhemp rope I purchased online, a collapsible stool and an MP3 player so I can listen to music during the act to try and make it easier. My last attempts failed because I didn't have something high enough to kick away and the branches I tried were too low-hanging (basically I couldn't achieve proper suspension because I didn't have a stool at that point and was trying to use buckets which kept collapsing and this also meant I couldn't reach to any significantly high branches).
I've been planning to make another attempt tonight, which I am fairly sure will be successful if it goes ahead.
I'm glad I've found this site as it feels near impossible to discuss suicide openly. Personally, I don't see suicide as bad in and of itself.
I'm not sure if I feel like going into my circumstances at this moment, but I just wanted to say hello to you all. It helps to feel less alone in the moment, even if I will probably still end up dying.
Fundamentally, I am almost completely nihilistic and close enough to an antinatalist. At the very least, I see no inherent value in life.
I was supposed to die on either the 9th or the 13th, but shit happened (no attempts ended up being made for logistical reasons) and I'm still here. My last proper attempts were a little over a month ago. My method: hanging, I have a 5m polyhemp rope I purchased online, a collapsible stool and an MP3 player so I can listen to music during the act to try and make it easier. My last attempts failed because I didn't have something high enough to kick away and the branches I tried were too low-hanging (basically I couldn't achieve proper suspension because I didn't have a stool at that point and was trying to use buckets which kept collapsing and this also meant I couldn't reach to any significantly high branches).
I've been planning to make another attempt tonight, which I am fairly sure will be successful if it goes ahead.
I'm glad I've found this site as it feels near impossible to discuss suicide openly. Personally, I don't see suicide as bad in and of itself.
I'm not sure if I feel like going into my circumstances at this moment, but I just wanted to say hello to you all. It helps to feel less alone in the moment, even if I will probably still end up dying.
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