Hey people,i am 23, I stay in India, and I am looking for a person who want to ctb with me. I am trying to do it. And has been in the matrix of I am feeling better today, then having a suicidal episode and then feeling better than ever and getting back to Suicidal episodes again and again. People say, go to a therapist and fix yourself. Uhm..Its too expensive for me rn.I try to save salary which always gets sucked up for other essential needs. I am thinking of Drinking and drowning. I don't know which place is actually good for this.Which river I will go and jump to. I am staying far away from my family so it's better I do it here or else they will feel worse for not checking on me. I Dont hate anyone but I am my worst enemy. I can't love myself as I can never be a normal person in my life. I try to be normal but every body wants to keep a distance from me. I try to be friendly and caring about people but they always feel weirded out after talking to me. I feel lonely man! All the fucking time in my life. There is not a fucking time in my life when I have ever felt like yeah I am not.I have always been a hollow misfit. I wanna get out of this matrix and stop feeling like a pathetic loser all the fucking time. If there is someone please reply.
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