Hesitating makes it worse.

[MicahBell]

I don't know why i'm hesitating.
there is nothing left for me. Like, i finished the last chapter already, but instead of closing the book i'm reading the citations cause i can't put it down.

i was finally so sure i could die. rationally i know i have no future ahead of me, yet somehow i'm anxious and afraid of death. i've never been afraid of death before.

things i wouldnt usually do, "it doesnt matter if i do this thing because i'll be dead soon anyway", like studying, i'm doing like subconsciously i know i can't end it.

the hesitation only makes it hurt so much worse. I can't stop reprimanding myself for being a coward. Cause even if i decide i wanted to live, i have nothing ahead of me.

has anyone felt like this? have you gotten over it?

 

[meltskelt]

I don't know why i'm hesitating.
there is nothing left for me. Like, i finished the last chapter already, but instead of closing the book i'm reading the citations cause i can't put it down.

i was finally so sure i could die. rationally i know i have no future ahead of me, yet somehow i'm anxious and afraid of death. i've never been afraid of death before.

things i wouldnt usually do, "it doesnt matter if i do this thing because i'll be dead soon anyway", like studying, i'm doing like subconsciously i know i can't end it.

the hesitation only makes it hurt so much worse. I can't stop reprimanding myself for being a coward. Cause even if i decide i wanted to live, i have nothing ahead of me.

has anyone felt like this? have you gotten over it?

yeah, it happend to me as well. I've tried on february and when I was there with SN in hands I just had the same tought " if this is the end, I could just to something else before, right? "- A sudden fear came upon me and made me not die... Tbh its worse than if I had CTB because everyday I just wish I had died back there

 

[Off_Switch]

It's the most cruel aspect of this predicament. No different than a life prison sentence.