Discussion heroin users

[charlottewilts]

does anyone else feel like smack prolonged their lifespan? worth mentioning i mostly smoke, because i can't shoot myself up on my own.

i started using because, well hey, i am already suicidally depressed so there's not much to lose y'know? so i also don't really have sentimental ties to my belongings and don't mind pawning them. and i also got a job last year! they increased the minimum wage by the price of one gram this year. must be fate.

i feel like if i didn't discover smack when i did, last year in June, i wouldn't have made it. i was going to die by SN in a hotel room last year in January, right around this day too. but i took too much Valium and passed out before i got to drink it. sometimes when the going gets tough, i wish I'd succeeded then, but most of the time all i think is "damn, I could've bought a gram and a half with the money I paid for the room"

of course, smack is only fun for a short while. but i feel like even in the lowest of the lows, i didn't come close to the depression i felt when i was just a suicidal non-addict. please don't use if you're not already an addict though. i know I'm coming from an extremely privileged place here.

 

[popcorn]

absolutely, i used it recreationally only for quite a while. but as soon as my mental health went down hill i started to use all the time and become addicted, mostly for the fact it fixed all of my mental suffering. without it i would have certainly ctb many months ago

 

[Last chance]

I'm really tempted by it,the warm nothingness sounds like heaven. I have an addictive personality though so its really not a good idea.

 

[charlottewilts]

absolutely, i used it recreationally only for quite a while. but as soon as my mental health went down hill i started to use all the time and become addicted, mostly for the fact it fixed all of my mental suffering. without it i would have certainly ctb many months ago

I'm sorry to hear that it also took hold of you. I'm curious, and I hope this is OK to ask (you don't have to answer if it's too personal) but do you feel like the bad emotions when you're in withdrawal are worse than your regular depression or around the same intensity? Because for myself, I've found that when I'm withdrawing, the depression and anxiety isn't nearly as bad as it was when I was severely suicidal (around a 9-10 on the suicidality scale), honestly I'm on day 5 of WDs right now and I feel just fine, happy even.

I'm really tempted by it,the warm nothingness sounds like heaven. I have an addictive personality though so its really not a good idea.

It's a really Really bad idea. It can quickly turn to a life of crime, and then you're in an even worse position than you were before. But I'd be a hypocrite if I told you never to try it. I tried it a few weeks after a serious suicide attempt. If I hadn't, I probably would've tried again and succeeded...

 

[popcorn]

I'm sorry to hear that it also took hold of you. I'm curious, and I hope this is OK to ask (you don't have to answer if it's too personal) but do you feel like the bad emotions when you're in withdrawal are worse than your regular depression or around the same intensity? Because for myself, I've found that when I'm withdrawing, the depression and anxiety isn't nearly as bad as it was when I was severely suicidal (around a 9-10 on the suicidality scale), honestly I'm on day 5 of WDs right now and I feel just fine, happy even.

its all good im happy to answer :) yes far worse. for me anyway. even titrating onto methadone was pretty bad. its like the previous 2 years of head mess are concentrated into a a few days of intense pain.

It's a really Really bad idea. It can quickly turn to a life of crime, and then you're in an even worse position than you were before. But I'd be a hypocrite if I told you never to try it. I tried it a few weeks after a serious suicide attempt. If I hadn't, I probably would've tried again and succeeded...

@charlottewilts is right. if you are unhappy now wait until your waking up every morning scrounging whatever you can together just so you don't feel like death warmed up. i got to 30 before i had any convictions, shoplifting turned into a daily affair when i eventually got fired.

 

[Jacquelyn]

I've only touched opioids a handful of time before I moved in February (aside from kratom which I used somewhat regularly). After moving I've started using opioid research chemicals and will soon graduate to h. I hope to stay away from it in the future, but for now I'm waiting on a sample of tar to arrive. I just really want to know what it feels like to smoke an opiate and have it kick in almost instantly. I don't think my substance use makes me want to live longer by any means. Although it usually depends on the substance. For example, low doses of psychedelics typically result in producing a healthy, beneficial mood for me. At least for a couple days. As much as I enjoy doing drugs, nothing really seems to produce any sort of profound euphoria or will to live. I've heard from multiple people that a full-blown opiate addiction will result in having more of a will to live, but in a fucked up, round-about way because the will to live comes from the need to continue to get high. I most certainly don't want that. Guess we'll just see what happens.

 

[charlottewilts]

I've heard from multiple people that a full-blown opiate addiction will result in having more of a will to live, but in a fucked up, round-about way because the will to live comes from the need to continue to get high. I most certainly don't want that. Guess we'll just see what happens.

Oh yes, I can attest to this personally.

When I'm in withdrawal or just not high, I want to die. Hell, even sometimes when I'm high I still want to die.

But in all honestly, I also kind of want to keep living for a year or two more until things beyond my control make my life unbearable. The highs are just that good! This is coming from someone with BPD who's been struggling with chronic and acute suicidality for almost a decade!

Today I shoplifted some expensive things for heroin money for the first time. I've shoplifted lots of times before, but it was just cheap stuff like beer and sandwiches. I feel like today marks some kind of turning point in my junkie career where I'm too far gone to turn back. Now it's either jail or death for me.

I see your post is from last year. I hope you've been doing well and haven't entrenched yourself in this lifestyle.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

Sometimes drugs give you a reason to carry on.

 

[albino_elk]

"until things beyond my control make my life unbearable." nah, often times this doesnt work. the worst case scenario you will be homeless ,what then? well you will survive even that :d or maybe you will become homeless addict and you will do so many gross things just to survive for another dose. :v . i dont want to encourage you to do anything but theres always something worse ahead. always always.

 

[SovietSuicide]

I keep buying it to CTB and then doing it recreationally but it's only cause I've got money left, once I run out I don't think the high is good enough to keep me here.

Nodding out to TV shows is really fucking nice though, been through withdrawal once and now I'm careful not to do it too much, it's much easier to control your use if you cycle through different classes of drugs for example H > Coke > Ketamine > Benzos > etc > back to H.

All those drugs will give your brain stimulation to distract/take away the pain of depression and because you're cycling through you never get the withdrawals of one particular drug too bad, some would call it poly drug addiction but I got a degree and worked for 2 and half years doing this and it never really impacted me negatively, in fact I think it made me more functional. Not recommending it cause eventually you will burn the fuck out of your pleasure receptors but it definitely can improve your life temporarily.

 

[_Minsk]

I feel tempted to do it as well, i think i will give it a try 1-4weeks before ctb, when im 100% certain i will be gone soon. I did read many longterm reports of ppl who just wanted to experience the feeling of it. Since it were all long term useres/reports, they experienced it and also addiction.
All of them who got addicted had some sort of trauma and bad lifes beforehand and they tried to compensate. Please never try if you're not 100% sure that you have nothing to lose. Otherwise i think all drugs can be used in moderation but its always better to live without them. Much love

 

[charlottewilts]

I keep buying it to CTB and then doing it recreationally but it's only cause I've got money left, once I run out I don't think the high is good enough to keep me here.

Nodding out to TV shows is really fucking nice though, been through withdrawal once and now I'm careful not to do it too much, it's much easier to control your use if you cycle through different classes of drugs for example H > Coke > Ketamine > Benzos > etc > back to H.

All those drugs will give your brain stimulation to distract/take away the pain of depression and because you're cycling through you never get the withdrawals of one particular drug too bad, some would call it poly drug addiction but I got a degree and worked for 2 and half years doing this and it never really impacted me negatively, in fact I think it made me more functional. Not recommending it cause eventually you will burn the fuck out of your pleasure receptors but it definitely can improve your life temporarily.

That's a smart approach! Well, when I'm in withdrawal or the high starts to fade, i abuse other drugs as well, and i love to mix smack with weed, benzos and booze. and cigarettes of course, what's better than to nod out with a nice fag? i hear you about burned receptors but i already have suffered from anhedonia for years because of depression so it doesn't matter that much to me. i hope you are staying safe out there man