Here's a poem I composed about stupid ctb method ideas

[nitrogen]

I want to swallow apple seeds
Do they pass from my asshole or do I pass from the cyanide

I want to microdose SN
Do I turn into an Avatar alien or a Smurf

I want partial hanging
Do I look for the carotid arteries with my left hand or right hand

I want a plastic trash bag over my head
Coz what fills this skull ain't brain but trash

I want to test run SN with table salt
I don't recognize my mama with my cerebral edema

I want a grenade
Coz my brainstem can be blasted without knowing where my head is

I want to drink bleach
Do my intestines grumble or do I tumble

I want SN enema
Does it taste like FIJI spring water or glycerin laxative to my rectum

I want to stick my head in the microwave
Do my eyeballs explode or do I go bald

I want my organs removed in a 3rd world country
Do they end up on the black market or food market

Which bag of potatoes do I come from, you ask?
Idk coz I'm either a rock or a baby that wants to be spoonfed

 

[Quarky00]

Which bag of potatoes do I come from, you ask?

^ This ! lol

 

[Brick In The Wall]

There was one where someone wanted to put their head in a microwave. Some of the funniest shit I've read on here. Good poem though, it gave me a chuckle.

 

[Ghost2211]

Lol, thank you for the laugh and smile.

 

[AlreadyGone]

You forgot overdosing on [insert any over the counter medication]. Seems to come up regularly.

 

[Quarky00]

I need to pee and can't laugh stop this thread !

put their head in a microwave

 

[AlreadyGone]

Good thing the poem doesn't include combo methods. Those are the worst.

 

[Deleted member 13412]

There was one where someone wanted to put their head in a microwave. Some of the funniest shit I've read on here. Good poem though, it gave me a chuckle.

sylvia plath did it i think

 

[nbn]

I want to swallow apple seeds
Do they pass from my asshole or do I pass from the cyanide

I want to microdose SN
Do I turn into an Avatar alien or a Smurf

I want partial hanging
Do I look for the carotid arteries with my left hand or right hand

I want a plastic trash bag over my head
Coz what fills this skull ain't brain but trash

I want to test run SN with table salt
I don't recognize my mama with my cerebral edema

I want a grenade
Coz my brainstem can be blasted without knowing where my head is

I want to drink bleach
Do my intestines grumble or do I tumble

I want SN enema
Does it taste like FIJI spring water or glycerin laxative to my rectum

I want to stick my head in the microwave
Do my eyeballs explode or do I go bald

I want my organs removed in a 3rd world country
Do they end up on the black market or food market

Which bag of potatoes do I come from, you ask?
Idk coz I'm either a rock or a baby that wants to be spoonfed

One more- if i stay infront of train
Will it cut me in half or does it make a splash

 

[nitrogen]

@Defcon5
This funny poem thread is a creation of mine that I'm pretty smug about. Dunno if you saw it.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

sylvia plath did it i think

Plath fell asleep from carbon monoxide poisoning from her oven.

 

[Broken Chimera]

You almost made me spit out my coffee! Thanks for the laugh.

 

[Roger]

Plath fell asleep from carbon monoxide poisoning from her oven.

Shame;
The blame
Falls on Hughes.
Her muse.

 

[Quarky00]

Good thing the poem doesn't include combo methods. Those are the worst.

Combos are the best.

My fav: SN + Alcohol + Jumping off bridge .

That's one blue potato splashed on the road ...

 

[Iloveyouall]

I laughed, thx :)

 

[Soul]

Zuc looc. Zuc looc.

And for the record:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/putting-head-in-microwave.13233/post-263730

 

[Otter]

Zuc looc. Zuc looc.

And for the record:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/putting-head-in-microwave.13233/post-263730

As far as head in the microwave...are we supposed to chop it off first or do we McGuyver it (just use lots of duct tape and Jimmy the latch with a screwdriver)

 

[Soul]

As far as head in the microwave...are we supposed to chop it off first or do we McGuyver it (just use lots of duct tape and Jimmy the latch with a screwdriver)

The original serving suggestion was to remove the bottom (of the microwave) and insert the head (of the attempter) that way, so that the door could stay closed. Your idea sounds viable as well. Keep us posted!

Zuc looc

 

[Quarky00]

The original serving suggestion was to remove the bottom (of the microwave) and insert the head (of the attempter) that way, so that the door could stay closed. Your idea sounds viable as well. Keep us posted!

Zuc looc

I died of laughter.

Finally chopped head, simmer in microwave, serve with radish.


(Zuc looc to y'all)

 

[faust]

Damn, I was thinking about getting cyanide from apple seeds

 

[Otter]

I died of laughter.

Finally chopped head, simmer in microwave, serve with radish.


(Zuc looc to y'all)

How much radish do you use?

 

[jgm63]

How much radish do you use?

You're just being silly now.....

 

[Secrets1]

Bump for the newbs, fix26 & NYT reporters. Welcome to the jungle

 

[little helpers]

Good thing the poem doesn't include combo methods. Those are the worst.

there was a time when I figured the only foolproof method I have access to is ten beers, plus gram of dope, plus twelve clonidine tablets, then compress on my carotid sinus.

process is as complicated as doing fucking Taylor Series expansions. too much hassle.