Hi from Brazil!
I've been stalking the forums a little bit after I discovered it and there's a lot of useful information and good people here, it looks like a cozy place to talk about anything without fearing judgment. I really wanted some external opinion on people here. Also I'm not going to use google translate so excuse my bad English.
Something I always have done in my life is caring about what other people say or might say, or what are they thinking of me. For example, when I want to talk to someone, most of the time the firsts thoughts that comes around my head are: "Why would he give attention to me?", "Whever I might say, I bet he will think I'm stupid", "Other people are around looking, I'm not going to talk because I'm afraid of what they will think when I say that", "Why would he care about the thing that I'll say".
It's basically a chain of negative thoughts that stops me from being social. This only happens sometimes and not all the time. With people I already have some contact and know them a little bit, it's not a problem and rarely happens, but with new people that will most of the times comes into play. I know I'm not forced to talk to anyone that I don't want to, but sometimes I really want, but I just can't, I freeze.
A good example is at my local gym, for the past 2 months, I managed to keep a good schedule of going at least 4 times per week, and there's a guy that I met there that is kinda older than me that have the same hobby as mine(playing videogames). He's the type of person that really has no problems to talk, gives attention to what you're saying and likes to continue the conversation by saying other things, so he's really social and a nice person. Yesterday I was doing some exercice and he was behind me doing another, and I was kinda of nervous to start a conversation with him because of my chain of negative thoughs ("Why would he care", "He'll think I'm stupid for saying that", "He doesn't care what I'm about to say and will think I'm stupid"), so in my first 2 rests of the set, I just took my phone and pretended I was doing something, then suddenly he looks behind and breaks the ice and starts talking with me, THEN I felt like I could speak and so I did.
This is a example of how many interactions with other people are. After I start talking with someone, I have no problems to keep the conversation going, I'm good at that. I can ping-pong the conversation between me and the other person to not only focus on me or the other person, but the initial ice situation is what kills me from the inside.
I'm getting better at it but sometimes I'm dragged again into the void. I know I should not be ashamed to be my self, I know I shouldn't care what people are going to think of me because the next day they won't ever remember you, I know I should be myself because that will attract people who syncs with my true self. I know that my negative chain of thoughts are something I should ignore because they're not a real justified fear and are just thoughts that don't change my value.
My life is not perfect but I have everything that should make me happy. I'm 25 right now. I have my own gaming computer, my own car, a house to live, my own cellphone, a job that I like to work, I have few but close friends.
I know my problems are nothing compared to what other people are struggling on here, but there are days I'm really depressed because of this, and what makes me sad the most is all the opportunies I've lost(new friends, important connections) because of this problem. Recently talking with some people I see how much time of my life I've wasted not enjoying it while I'm still young and I want to do something before it's too late for me.
Does someone relate to this problem?
I've been stalking the forums a little bit after I discovered it and there's a lot of useful information and good people here, it looks like a cozy place to talk about anything without fearing judgment. I really wanted some external opinion on people here. Also I'm not going to use google translate so excuse my bad English.
Something I always have done in my life is caring about what other people say or might say, or what are they thinking of me. For example, when I want to talk to someone, most of the time the firsts thoughts that comes around my head are: "Why would he give attention to me?", "Whever I might say, I bet he will think I'm stupid", "Other people are around looking, I'm not going to talk because I'm afraid of what they will think when I say that", "Why would he care about the thing that I'll say".
It's basically a chain of negative thoughts that stops me from being social. This only happens sometimes and not all the time. With people I already have some contact and know them a little bit, it's not a problem and rarely happens, but with new people that will most of the times comes into play. I know I'm not forced to talk to anyone that I don't want to, but sometimes I really want, but I just can't, I freeze.
A good example is at my local gym, for the past 2 months, I managed to keep a good schedule of going at least 4 times per week, and there's a guy that I met there that is kinda older than me that have the same hobby as mine(playing videogames). He's the type of person that really has no problems to talk, gives attention to what you're saying and likes to continue the conversation by saying other things, so he's really social and a nice person. Yesterday I was doing some exercice and he was behind me doing another, and I was kinda of nervous to start a conversation with him because of my chain of negative thoughs ("Why would he care", "He'll think I'm stupid for saying that", "He doesn't care what I'm about to say and will think I'm stupid"), so in my first 2 rests of the set, I just took my phone and pretended I was doing something, then suddenly he looks behind and breaks the ice and starts talking with me, THEN I felt like I could speak and so I did.
This is a example of how many interactions with other people are. After I start talking with someone, I have no problems to keep the conversation going, I'm good at that. I can ping-pong the conversation between me and the other person to not only focus on me or the other person, but the initial ice situation is what kills me from the inside.
I'm getting better at it but sometimes I'm dragged again into the void. I know I should not be ashamed to be my self, I know I shouldn't care what people are going to think of me because the next day they won't ever remember you, I know I should be myself because that will attract people who syncs with my true self. I know that my negative chain of thoughts are something I should ignore because they're not a real justified fear and are just thoughts that don't change my value.
My life is not perfect but I have everything that should make me happy. I'm 25 right now. I have my own gaming computer, my own car, a house to live, my own cellphone, a job that I like to work, I have few but close friends.
I know my problems are nothing compared to what other people are struggling on here, but there are days I'm really depressed because of this, and what makes me sad the most is all the opportunies I've lost(new friends, important connections) because of this problem. Recently talking with some people I see how much time of my life I've wasted not enjoying it while I'm still young and I want to do something before it's too late for me.
Does someone relate to this problem?
