Help me with SI sober

[lonleycrowdedwest]

Today is the day. I've done all I can do and I just don't see a future for myself that's worthwhile. I've pushed away all my friends and at the same time am constantly paranoid that they're hiding something from me. I've weirded all of them out enough. I failed out of school. I'm living on an inheritance because I can't hold a job for than a few months without getting this weird work related anxiety. I haven't left my room to do anything besides get food or my vices in two months. I just can't. Whenever my friends go out I'm so jealous but I just can't go. I know as soon as I show up every eye that glances at me will seem like a threat or a secret. Im going nowhere quick, and I want out. I've tried probably five medications or more so far without any avail. They make me less crazy, but not at all happier. I think I fucked myself with incessant psychedelic and empathogen use in my adolescence. How do I overcome the SI and drink the SN. I know I can highten my emotions to a place where I can if I'm drunk, but I'm afraid that I'll throw too much of it up. Maybe two glasses will work? I don't know if I can do this sober, and I have no access to benzos at the moment. Im not really afraid of the dying, I'm afraid of the 30 mins before I pass out, and maybe my unconscious asphyxiation afterwards. Should I go for the hanging lean in method?? I can't wait for N to be shipped, I want to do this at the very latest in a week. Please help.

 

[needed_]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I have one idea in mind but I really don't know if it works, just came to my mind: if you really think that you need alcohol then maybe you can drink until the mental state you'd like is there and then vomit. you can make yourself vomit very easily with a straw. then your stomach is empty but you have booze in your system. does that work? I don't know

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I have one idea in mind but I really don't know if it works, just came to my mind: if you really think that you need alcohol then maybe you can drink until the mental state you'd like is there and then vomit. you can make yourself vomit very easily with a straw. then your stomach is empty but you have booze in your system. does that work? I don't know

That is actually pretty smart. I sometimes struggle to make myself vomit. How do you use a straw? Just poke the uvula?

 

[myopybyproxy]

That is actually pretty smart. I sometimes struggle to make myself vomit. How do you use a straw? Just poke the uvula?

Don't use a straw, it can slip out from your fingers - just use your hand instead.

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

Don't use a straw, it can slip out from your fingers - just use your hand instead.

Okay thank you. I'm afraid but it's been too long already

 

[myopybyproxy]

Okay thank you. I'm afraid but it's been too long already

What do you mean by too long?

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

What do you mean by too long?

being alive

 

[myopybyproxy]

being alive

Obviously - I don't disagree - but I meant regarding your post. Did you end up taking the SN?

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

Obviously - I don't disagree - but I meant regarding your post. Did you end up taking the SN?

It's 1pm

It's 1pm

Intending to at 10pm. I will begin fasting in an hour