HELP Had enough

[Susan Caswell]

I cant go on any longer folks 2 years deafening roaring hammering drilling tinnitus and hyperacusis all so extreme I cant physically or mentally take it crippling anxiety so very tired not slept in almost 2 weeks have to get going but frightend so frightend can still only think to jump but what if I don't die that would be just my luck I had so much life to live I would never have thought I wanted to die but I just cant live with this what if I just stop eating and drinking how long could it take can I keep it up don't eat much now anyway if this just hadn't come came from nowhere don't even know why

 

[Soulless_Angel]

whats up? Whats happened?

 

[Susan Caswell]

whats up? Whats happened?

Deafening roaring hammering drilling tinnitus so loud it knocking me sick 2 years really extreme hyperacusis crippling anxiety so bad ive lost most of my hair weight loss body bouncing shaking cant sleep cant take the noise any longer I thought this would stop or lessen but so much worse than when it started its cruel I have had so much medically cancer back op and more but this day in day out is crippling

 

[Throwaway9787]

I cant go on any longer folks 2 years deafening roaring hammering drilling tinnitus and hyperacusis all so extreme I cant physically or mentally take it crippling anxiety so very tired not slept in almost 2 weeks have to get going but frightend so frightend can still only think to jump but what if I don't die that would be just my luck I had so much life to live I would never have thought I wanted to die but I just cant live with this what if I just stop eating and drinking how long could it take can I keep it up don't eat much now anyway if this just hadn't come came from nowhere don't even know why

SN or amitriptyline cocktail.

 

[JoeFailure]

Deafening roaring hammering drilling tinnitus so loud it knocking me sick 2 years really extreme hyperacusis crippling anxiety so bad ive lost most of my hair weight loss body bouncing shaking cant sleep cant take the noise any longer I thought this would stop or lessen but so much worse than when it started its cruel I have had so much medically cancer back op and more but this day in day out is crippling

I'm so sorry, Susan. I really wouldn't jump if I were you because the last thing I would want is you being paralyzed or something AND have this going on. I wish Dignitas would help you out. I know you're in rough shape but maybe the SN method would be best?

 

[LaBrava]

Sorry that you're having to go through this Susan. I think the best anyone can suggest if you are really considering options is to look at the threads on here for different methods. I can imagine that it is very hard to concentrate with the problems you have, so sorry if this isn't very helpful.

 

[JoeFailure]

Sorry that you're having to go through this Susan. I think the best anyone can suggest if you are really considering options is to look at the threads on here for different methods. I can imagine that it is very hard to concentrate with the problems you have so sorry if this isn't very helpful.

I think that's what it is and I get it. I've had anxiety so bad that I can't even concentrate on what a method takes. I can't imagine having that and this crippling tinnutis.

 

[Joannf]

I cant go on any longer folks 2 years deafening roaring hammering drilling tinnitus and hyperacusis all so extreme I cant physically or mentally take it crippling anxiety so very tired not slept in almost 2 weeks have to get going but frightend so frightend can still only think to jump but what if I don't die that would be just my luck I had so much life to live I would never have thought I wanted to die but I just cant live with this what if I just stop eating and drinking how long could it take can I keep it up don't eat much now anyway if this just hadn't come came from nowhere don't even know why

You held out so long, you can go on a bit longer - just to make sure you will have peace, and when you are sure that it will end as planned, then that should give you the strength needed.
So, you must decide on a safe and simple method. Jumping isn't one if it's not at least 10 plants down, and even then...
Do you think you can get sodium nitrite, or can you do the charcoal method ?
That is, are you alone, can you move freely ? Then check out the SN and CO methods, I'm personally rather a specialist at CO.
But that takes some fiddling, I think SN (a food conservant salt) is the easiest.

 

[Susan Caswell]

I'm so sorry, Susan. I really wouldn't jump if I were you because the last thing I would want is you being paralyzed or something AND have this going on. I wish Dignitas would help you out. I know you're in rough shape but maybe the SN method would be best?

Its all I can think of I have to have peace quiet calm I hated noise but this is jet plane roaring hammering drilling in your own ears what is this ive had high pitch hissing for years can just ignore it don't hear it got on with my day but this is too much for me I was so very healthy happy such a calm content person happy lovely life only ever worked hard looked after everyone around me days full of meeting friends for breakfast coffee lunches dinner theatre days out holidays everything I could want and desperately ill with tinnitus came from nowhere never thought it could be close to this loud hyperacusis so very extreme all normal sounds are hammering painful cant mask the tinnitus not slept naturally in 2 years this is terrible suffering so want it to stop let me get well think its too extreme now to even lessen I just don't deserve this most people can live with tinnitus but this is just too much noise to survive the human spirit needs quiet calm rest sleep wish it were easy to go I used to think suicide was selfish way out but don't know its very hard its why I wanted Dignitas to help me thought that was the whole point of them obviously not x

You held out so long, you can go on a bit longer - just to make sure you will have peace, and when you are sure that it will end as planned, then that should give you the strength needed.
So, you must decide on a safe and simple method. Jumping isn't one if it's not at least 10 plants down, and even then...
Do you think you can get sodium nitrite, or can you do the charcoal method ?
That is, are you alone, can you move freely ? Then check out the SN and CO methods, I'm personally rather a specialist at CO.
But that takes some fiddling, I think SN (a food conservant salt) is the easiest.

I cant hang on any longer its so much worse than when it started if I could just have kept it like that if only

Sorry that you're having to go through this Susan. I think the best anyone can suggest if you are really considering options is to look at the threads on here for different methods. I can imagine that it is very hard to concentrate with the problems you have, so sorry if this isn't very helpful.

I cant concentrate and I had a sharp orderly mind valued life so much never thought I could contemplate such a thing for me its the worst thing that could have happened to me so much torturous suffering no one should be suffering like this wish I could be reporting good news that its stopped lessend don't even know how one little pair of ears could make anything like this kind of noise its horrific to have survived cancer and big back operation but taken out from tinnitus so unfair so cruel always believed in Karma been good person what did I do to get this like this no one on the support sites comes up like this they all work go out live its annoying but not mad anyone ill like this so bad you want to die wish someone could stop this for me let me live all I can think of all day and night is how to go successfully though I would have to be sure and nothing is 100% I guess

 

[Joannf]

Its all I can think of I have to have peace quiet calm I hated noise but this is jet plane roaring hammering drilling in your own ears what is this ive had high pitch hissing for years can just ignore it don't hear it got on with my day but this is too much for me I was so very healthy happy such a calm content person happy lovely life only ever worked hard looked after everyone around me days full of meeting friends for breakfast coffee lunches dinner theatre days out holidays everything I could want and desperately ill with tinnitus came from nowhere never thought it could be close to this loud hyperacusis so very extreme all normal sounds are hammering painful cant mask the tinnitus not slept naturally in 2 years this is terrible suffering so want it to stop let me get well think its too extreme now to even lessen I just don't deserve this most people can live with tinnitus but this is just too much noise to survive the human spirit needs quiet calm rest sleep wish it were easy to go I used to think suicide was selfish way out but don't know its very hard its why I wanted Dignitas to help me thought that was the whole point of them obviously not x

I cant hang on any longer its so much worse than when it started if I could just have kept it like that if only

I cant concentrate and I had a sharp orderly mind valued life so much never thought I could contemplate such a thing for me its the worst thing that could have happened to me so much torturous suffering no one should be suffering like this wish I could be reporting good news that its stopped lessend don't even know how one little pair of ears could make anything like this kind of noise its horrific to have survived cancer and big back operation but taken out from tinnitus so unfair so cruel always believed in Karma been good person what did I do to get this like this no one on the support sites comes up like this they all work go out live its annoying but not mad anyone ill like this so bad you want to die wish someone could stop this for me let me live all I can think of all day and night is how to go successfully though I would have to be sure and nothing is 100% I guess

100% is when you work on it concentratedly for about a day or so. or at least order the right stuff from amazon and eat a few grams.
It's not so hard, it's just that most people are doing it sloppily, or endlessly postpone.

 

[Idorus]

its very hard its why I wanted Dignitas to help me thought that was the whole point of them obviously not x

This migh be another legal option...
Screening on distance in you send them your medical files.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/euthanasia-in-the-netherlands.17122/

 

[Susan Caswell]

This migh be another legal option...
Screening on distance in you send them your medical files.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/euthanasia-in-the-netherlands.17122/

They wont ive tried 3 times I don't understand because they say they will help if a person is suffering if this isn't suffering I don't know what is they say tinnitus is manageable liveable it might be for most but its not for me not like this so loud you cant hear anything else and so ill so demented I cant keep on like this day after day I said id give it a year and its 2 years this week but got so much worse consistently and never lets up or reduce ever its sheer torture they stopped noise as a form of torture as too cruel what the hell I did to get this its totally beyond me I don't understand it I was so very healthy fit calm such a lovely happy life great hearing wish someone could come up with something that would help calm it lessen it stop it but I know I cant endure this much longer like this and no sleep I needed such a lot of sleep now none in days no wonder I kept taking 4 Zopiclone a night knocked me cleanout but I think ive worsend his significantly with meds and anxiety since i had to cut drastically from 4 sleeping pills a night to one its got 10 times worse and no sleep I cant get through my days now let alone the nights ive never wished for anything in my mife to now have this or just mild even I could do mild thres no way I can live rest of my life like this its no one life x
Thank you for the information ive tried Holland you have to be Dutch and live there also tried 2 in Switzerland and one in Belgium been to a place 3 times now to jump but got frightened I didn't die but this is getting very tempting now wish I didn't have to be even considering this just keep hoping it will lessen or a miracle and it stops that would be fantastic I was such happy go lucky person how recovers from a terrible cancer to die from tinnitus ridiculous sad tragic even so god damn tired x

 

[FF777]

Dear susan......I'm afraid I don't have any good news to give you.. I've been through severe tinnitus and hyperacusis, and I can understand every thing you are going through.. It is a hellish nightmare, and it took me in to the deepest depression possible for several years.. You try every method you can think of or find....and it always ends up the same way: It never cures it.. There is no medical cure for it, not yet any way.. The way I got it though is I was very stupid and listened to very loud music via headphones for too many years.. And then about a year after the tinnitus started, I was at some extremely loud party, and it made my tinnitus very much worse, permanently, and made my ears insanely sensitive.. I have to wear ear-plugs to even go in to a restaurant now.. I always have to wear hearing protection in lots of situations, or just cover my ears with my hands if I don't have ear-plugs..

There is a 15-minute-long video about some dutch woman who had tinnitus and hyperacusis, you can find it by searching the internet for "I have tinnitus and I want to die".. You will know it is the right one if you see her speaking dutch.. She eventually took her own life because she couldn't handle it any more.. And guess what, I plan on catching the train straight to hell my self.. I was always very happy, until this happened 7 years ago....And at first I was hoping it would just go away too.....I couldn't stand living with it...I first would tell my self "if these sounds don't go away in a month i will ctb".....then i gave my self 3 months.....then 6 months..then a year....Although what DID happen was I eventually habituated to the sounds......I didn't think it was ever possible to get used to the sounds...and it takes a long time.......So, the sounds don't bother me any more, but what DOES bother me is the hyperacusis...I am tired of protecting my ears all the time, but also, I can't even listen to music any more for more than like a minute....I can't watch anime any more like I used to...Even at low volumes, for some reason constant noise for too long start making my ears ring louder, and when they start ringing too loud, the sound DOES start to bother me.. I am a crippled person really because I can't function in society like a normal person any more.. Oh yeah and when I play video games, I have to play it on complete mute unless it is a game that lets me turn off the music.. I am tired of living this way....And since this happened 7 years ago, I have never been able to be happy since like I used to be.. I think 7 years is long enough to see if I could be happy again, and at some point you just realize...I'm never going to be happy again.. I think the method I would hypothetically use when I leave either this year or next year would be the helium tank...that just seems so cheap and easy and painless and quick..

And I wish I had better news for you.. But I don't think any one should continually suffer for the rest of their lives if there is no hope in sight.. For you and I, it seems like this isn't a temporary problem at all.. The only thing I can think of would be to decide if you want to wait even longer to see if you habituate to the sound or not....It took me about 2 years to habituate to it.....but I still have to protect my ears all the time so that the sound doesn't get worse/louder..

 

[jake3d]

I too have both conditions. Mine were caused by an accident but prolonged listening of very loud music certainly played a part. The tinnitus isn't actually too loud, it's more the hyperacusis that is a pain (literally).

The person above me has it easy if it's just their tinnitus getting louder when too much noise is around. What happens with me is I get a head-splitting migraine, like my brain is getting twisted inside my skull. It's horrible. Only thing I managed to find that controls it (thanks to this place, no less!) is Amitriptyline. But Ami is known to have tinnitus as a side effect, and so do the benzos that I got dependant on for sleeping before I found the Ami.... so whichever way I go, in the long run, I'm fucked.

I still need to protect my ears in most situations, but with Ami and weed the situation has improved to the point where I can enjoy music again if I keep it quiet, and my headphones (silent or with very quiet music) are enough protection on the street. The train though, totally different matter. Earplugs and headphones over them and it still hurts. But such is life.

 

[Susan Caswell]

Dear susan......I'm afraid I don't have any good news to give you.. I've been through severe tinnitus and hyperacusis, and I can understand every thing you are going through.. It is a hellish nightmare, and it took me in to the deepest depression possible for several years.. You try every method you can think of or find....and it always ends up the same way: It never cures it.. There is no medical cure for it, not yet any way.. The way I got it though is I was very stupid and listened to very loud music via headphones for too many years.. And then about a year after the tinnitus started, I was at some extremely loud party, and it made my tinnitus very much worse, permanently, and made my ears insanely sensitive.. I have to wear ear-plugs to even go in to a restaurant now.. I always have to wear hearing protection in lots of situations, or just cover my ears with my hands if I don't have ear-plugs..

There is a 15-minute-long video about some dutch woman who had tinnitus and hyperacusis, you can find it by searching the internet for "I have tinnitus and I want to die".. You will know it is the right one if you see her speaking dutch.. She eventually took her own life because she couldn't handle it any more.. And guess what, I plan on catching the train straight to hell my self.. I was always very happy, until this happened 7 years ago....And at first I was hoping it would just go away too.....I couldn't stand living with it...I first would tell my self "if these sounds don't go away in a month i will ctb".....then i gave my self 3 months.....then 6 months..then a year....Although what DID happen was I eventually habituated to the sounds......I didn't think it was ever possible to get used to the sounds...and it takes a long time.......So, the sounds don't bother me any more, but what DOES bother me is the hyperacusis...I am tired of protecting my ears all the time, but also, I can't even listen to music any more for more than like a minute....I can't watch anime any more like I used to...Even at low volumes, for some reason constant noise for too long start making my ears ring louder, and when they start ringing too loud, the sound DOES start to bother me.. I am a crippled person really because I can't function in society like a normal person any more.. Oh yeah and when I play video games, I have to play it on complete mute unless it is a game that lets me turn off the music.. I am tired of living this way....And since this happened 7 years ago, I have never been able to be happy since like I used to be.. I think 7 years is long enough to see if I could be happy again, and at some point you just realize...I'm never going to be happy again.. I think the method I would hypothetically use when I leave either this year or next year would be the helium tank...that just seems so cheap and easy and painless and quick..

And I wish I had better news for you.. But I don't think any one should continually suffer for the rest of their lives if there is no hope in sight.. For you and I, it seems like this isn't a temporary problem at all.. The only thing I can think of would be to decide if you want to wait even longer to see if you habituate to the sound or not....It took me about 2 years to habituate to it.....but I still have to protect my ears all the time so that the sound doesn't get worse/louder..

Thank you for all this information and yes it is a truly terrible condition its bad enough the noise but the anxiety has made me extremely ill wish hope I can lessen it but it just rages on and on like you I was so very happy and fit and well so very calm and content tragic anything but this I could have done really could just not deafening dementing noise x

 

[Avicii]

Susan how did you find this site out of curiosity

 

[Susan Caswell]

Susan how did you find this site out of curiosity

Someone on the Tinnitus Support Sites who was also suicidal told me about it. never thought in a million years I could be even contemplating this I have already had and overcome so very much Cancer which they only gave me 2 months to live and that was 40 years ago a big back operation and more this seems so very cruel and so unfair I had much life to live was always well heathy happy busy very calm now in total panic 24/7 that I am stuck like this for however long in can stand it and I am running out of time its just too much for a human being such deafening roaring and hammering day in day out I so could have taken anything on the planet but this.What brings you here.x

 

[Avicii]

I know of someone who recently committed suicide because of their tinnitus a man with children and grandchildren it didn't fortunately for the family make the news unsure if his method though

 

[Susan Caswell]

I know of someone who recently committed suicide because of their tinnitus a man with children and grandchildren it didn't fortunately for the family make the news unsure if his method though

I can understand it totally mine is so server loud when started but now horrific who can live any sort of life with jet plane roaring hammering drilling 24/7 for 2 years I cant take any normal sounds cant stand a kettle the TV me eating a tap running I know what sounds should be like but every sounds like the tinnitus and picks up this terrible hammering which I can feel through my whole body never lets up anxiety of it is crippling me weight loss massive hair loss body bouncing and shaking ear fullness pressure such pain came on from nowhere and no reason I was so very well healthy happy such a lovely wonderful calm life suffered much medically recovered from cancer a back operation and much more cope I can stand a lot but don't think anyone could take this its crippling me let alone dementing me trust me to get something not stoppable treatable fixable why whats caused this why me why now why this I so want to die I have to get going somehow now still can only think to jump keep going to a place to look don't know if its high enough terrified I don't die but crippled brain dead and stuck still with this deafening noise wish there was a fatal pill I could get I need to be at peace now I hated noise if it was an external noise but in your own ears like this never thought anything like this could happen to me thought id had all my medical quota and some didn't think life could be this cruel or unfair I had such hopes dreams and plans just live calm happy like most people get I have never felt sorry for myself in my life but boy do I now anyone out there know how I an lessen this stop it please anyone don't even see people posting in here in this desperate way there is nothing else that would have made me want to take my life but this I don't look like me dont feel like me so very ill its such suffering and such pure torture its the worst thing that could happen to me there has to be something to calm this lessen it I am so on last stretch so very tired no wonder they used this as a form of torture but stopped that as too cruel I so so valued life hate this I am a demented tortured almost bald skeleton for a lady to loose their hair bad enough but my anxiety has been so server since the day i woke up like this bad enough to loose it to chemotherapy 40 years ago but I knew it would grow back but this not growing back who heard of tinnitus being like this I thought it was high pitch hissing ringing singing which I also have but can literally ignore it this low pitch hammering is stomach churning x

 

[Throwaway9787]

wish there was a fatal pill I could get

but there is

 

[Susan Caswell]

but there is

Can you tell me what or where I get it please help me x

 

[Avicii]

Can you tell me what or where I get it please help me x

I think he means liquid rather than pill in the form of Nembutal

 

[Throwaway9787]

I think he means liquid rather than pill in the form of Nembutal

I mean amitriptyline and benzos

 

[Susan Caswell]

I think he means liquid rather than pill in the form of Nembutal

I really wouldn't know how to get it wish someone could get it for me or have some they don't want ive had all I can stomach of this now I feel cheated out of the rest of my calm happy life never been that desperate ever in my life thought at first I could overcome this live with it hoped thought it would stop lessen just a virus or wax or ear infection but on and on but so much worse than when started literally went to bed 26 July 2017 fine normal day went bed to read went to sleep woke up thinking there was a wagon running outside early hours at first it wasn't obvious it was in my ears thought it was in the house just one ear could cope but very quickly it turned both ears and then the hyperacusis and then such anxiety ive never suffered anxiety in my life its all a very bad dream there must be something to lessen this even please dear god help me this is pure torture cruel so cruel so sad x

 

[Throwaway9787]

I really wouldn't know how to get it wish someone could get it for me or have some they don't want ive had all I can stomach of this now I feel cheated out of the rest of my calm happy life never been that desperate ever in my life thought at first I could overcome this live with it hoped thought it would stop lessen just a virus or wax or ear infection but on and on but so much worse than when started literally went to bed 26 July 2017 fine normal day went bed to read went to sleep woke up thinking there was a wagon running outside early hours at first it wasn't obvious it was in my ears thought it was in the house just one ear could cope but very quickly it turned both ears and then the hyperacusis and then such anxiety ive never suffered anxiety in my life its all a very bad dream there must be something to lessen this even please dear god help me this is pure torture cruel so cruel so sad x

Ordering N is fairly easy

 

[Susan Caswell]

Ordering N is fairly easy

not for me I haven't a clue or how to pay x

 

[Avicii]

not for me I haven't a clue or how to pay x

You email A to say you want to order 2 bottles of Nembutal and he tells you how to pay usually by Western Union Trsnsfer and give him your address so easy

 

[Susan Caswell]

You email A to say you want to order 2 bottles of Nembutal and he tells you how to pay usually by Western Union Trsnsfer and give him your address so easy

how do you pay in western union though I am useless at technology

 

[Throwaway9787]

how do you pay in western union though I am useless at technology

At the western union store but I am unsure if he is still selling, you must email him

 

[Avicii]

At the western union store but I am unsure if he is still selling, you must email him

Why has he stopped oh no