Hello

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Hello. I am new here. I wanted to join this site some time ago. I was simply a lurker who wasn't sure what to do. On one hand a part of me wants to live, but on another hand I also want to die. I have always had suicidal thoughts, thanks to child abuse, bullying, etc. Overall I am so damaged that therapy and meds dont seem to create a dent. Currently 22, I am unsure if I can make it any longer. I dont know if I am so much ready to die, just want the pain to stop in a seemingly impossible situation that, I dont know if it ever really will get better.

While here, I hope that I can express my thoughts on suicide openly, and within rules, to others. I am admittedly nervous, but I figured I would give here a try. So, again, hello.

 

[sadghost]

Hi, welcome to SS! I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, you are always welcome to vent freely and talk about anything you need to here. This community is very understanding and supportive - we are here for you

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Hello to you too. Im new here as well. Its comforting to know theres a place where you can speak freely, or speak at all.
Good luck in everything you do

 

[FriendofDeath]

Welcome. You are in a safe space and can certainly vent and question as much as you need. You wrote something important - are you ready to die, do you just want the pain to stop or can things actually get better? Do you feel caught in your current situation? Is it the toxic environment? Do you have things you'd still like to do or see? You said meds and therapy hadn't worked. Is there anything you do now that brings you peace? For me it was drawing and doodling, though I'm no artist. I've gotten out of the habit. I'm in survival mode. And for me, right now that's okay. My meds have been keeping me emotionally numb.

I'm glad you decided to stop lurking and have joined the fray, whatever that means! Again, welcome.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Welcome. You are in a safe space and can certainly vent and question as much as you need. You wrote something important - are you ready to die, do you just want the pain to stop or can things actually get better? Do you feel caught in your current situation? Is it the toxic environment? Do you have things you'd still like to do or see? You said meds and therapy hadn't worked. Is there anything you do now that brings you peace? For me it was drawing and doodling, though I'm no artist. I've gotten out of the habit. I'm in survival mode. And for me, right now that's okay. My meds have been keeping me emotionally numb.

I'm glad you decided to stop lurking and have joined the fray, whatever that means! Again, welcome.

Thank, and everyone else, for responding. Part of the reason I was afraid to join was my mental health. My therapist in particular is worried about me and wants to be to be wary of being around places that can trigger me unintentionally or intentionally. And since im suicidal daily, I get that fear on her end.

Yeah our dad, since our mom died, really ruined upside down. Starting acting out and lashing out at us more, ignoring family, and is often depressed. He recently verbally abused my brother so bad we had to stay by our grandmothers for a bit. Hes not the guy to own up to his shit so....I just see this as forever. If I knew this would be happening now, I would have died earlier. But I just stuck around because people said "it gets Better!" groan :/

 

[SpottedPanda]

Welcome, I've been engaging for a month or two, but have already found some fascinating and enlightening perspectives and information