Venting heartbroken again

[EmptyCurtainCall]

this won't be super detailed but i've been hurt again . but this time not by an individual , but my own stupidity . i began to become interested in this guy of a different race (i'm black , he's eastern european) , which is bad news to begin w because slavs aren't very accepting of nonwhite ppl in general . and anyway , we talked for months . we even talked about seeing eachother in person . fast forward we ended up not talking anymore (i stopped speaking to him abruptly) , and i wrote him a letter confessing that i began to have a crush on him . i felt embarrassed because it was clear he didn't feel anything other than basic physical attraction for me , but i'm the type to express my feeling so i went for it . i told him that i felt embarrassed , too . i sent him my letter . he replied hours later (different time zones , it was like 6pm for him and 11am for me , and i sent it at like 12am in my time zone) telling me ofc , he didn't feel the same way towards me and that he wasn't interested in traveling to see me , that his family wouldn't like me and mines prolly wouldn't like his either , and that he was only communicating w me out pity because i previously told him a couple months before that it made me feel really good talking to him . he said that he felt "wrong" for speaking to me , now why he felt wrong , i don't know . i'm too embarrassed to ask at this point because i already said that i understood and that's the last time we'll ever speak . it kind of hurts to know that . i've always felt iffy about interracial relationships bc i'm not confident about love in general , especially not when there's a chance you're being objectified for your color comes into play . i knew becoming interested in a white man would turn out for the worst for me , and sure enough it did . he said he pitied me , and his family wouldn't like me so he doesn't want anything to do w me any further . i 100% understand him not being interested in a black woman and wanting to keep relationships within his own race because that's what most ppl do . but i cant lie and say that it feels good to know that someone who claimed they thought racism was stupid would turn around and say what he said . it made me feel bad , because he admitted everything was disingenuous . he made me feel special when i wasn't , and in the end when i confess , it turns out to be all a ruse . i feel so suicidal . i feel worse . i don't know what to do . i've got a headache , i'm stressed , i want to cry but can't because i'm dehydrated , things aren't going well for me . oh my god .

 

[Leiot]

I had a lot of hope for the 21st century but it's not working out very well, is it? People still looking at white vs black. Geez..

I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap. Being a white male I'll never know what it's like to be black or a woman but I can at least listen, give you a hug and hope you can find happiness with someone. You deserve that.

 

[stinky_joe]

Trust me, you will get better. You just need time. Time heals all the wounds. I had someone like that too, someone who made me feel so special. But then she left me... I felt lost, I wanted to feel loved again. It was very hard but eventually I got better. And now I had my heart broken again a few weeks ago and it still hurts :) I was kind of flirting with this girl who I've been knowing for over 3 years since we go to the same college. I could tell that she had feelings for me aswell because she would say flirty things aswell. After a while we were officially dating and I was sooo happy. But the next morning I get a text from her: "I'm not ready for a relationship, I want to focus on my education etc." I didn't really understand why she suddenly felt that way, I tried to ask her again and even got her a littke gift but nothing worked. After a week I saw her walking with her ex boyfriend... That was the reason... I was just temporary, maybe she used me to make her ex jealous? It felt like I've got stabbed in the chest. And that wound still hurts like hell and I see her almost every single day. I hope we get better very soon and move on with our lives. We live in a cruel world but the people are more cruel, so never fully depend on another person.