health OCD and CTB

[ghostspace]

hey. anyone else have health OCD (or health anxiety) and get panic and survival instinct over feeling a little unwell or having general aches and pains?

I had a severe reaction to a medication one time that resulted in me being unable to walk for a year and triggered my OCD into developing a 'fear of health problems' department.

When I had the reaction that disabled me back then, it came on within just an hour. I went from being able to walk to being in excruciating pain and bedridden for a year because no one could figure out what was causing it. This made me incredibly, almost debilitatingly petrified of any 'unfamiliar' feelings in my body because it reminds me of how quickly my legs stopped working —after starting with just a tingling feeling—and the terror and uncertainty that followed. (I've recovered from the reaction almost entirely now, it was years ago.)

Anyways, I'm trying to wrap my head around how I'll cope with the physical effects of SN before unconsciousness. Can anyone else relate at all?

(I'm in therapy for OCD but obviously can't tell my therapist that what I really want to work on overcoming my body's physical instinct to live.)

 

[Stick]

I don't have OCD, but I get really anxious whenever I'm sick. It feels like I'm being invaded or something, like I'm losing control. I'm really scared of entering a panic attack once I ctb, and honestly I'm wondering the same thing you are. Hopefully we can figure it out

 

[ghostspace]

I don't have OCD, but I get really anxious whenever I'm sick. It feels like I'm being invaded or something, like I'm losing control. I'm really scared of entering a panic attack once I ctb, and honestly I'm wondering the same thing you are. Hopefully we can figure it out

Being invaded is exactly the feeling!!!

The last time I ingested a lethal substance I had a horrible panic attack and ended up going to the ER. I can't even take benzos because I'm so scared that they'll 'numb out' symptoms of a potential life-threatening disease.

But I would be FINE having a life-threatening disease, I don't want to live! It's so irrational and makes it really hard to plan to CTB.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sounds like ingesting things might not be the best choice if it scares you. There are other ways to go then poisoning. I wouldn't want to die that afraid.

 

[xLosthopex]

I have health OCD also(as well as many other themes) and yeah I totally get what you mean
But I'm confident about my chosen method so I think I'll be ok when the time comes, but for certain methods I'd say I'd definitely experience this problem

 

[ghostspace]

Sounds like ingesting things might not be the best choice if it scares you. There are other ways to go then poisoning. I wouldn't want to die that afraid.

SN is the least painful thing I have access to as I just have to get past the part where I'm awake. Partial is kind of an option but I can physically stop that and probably wouldn't be brave enough.

I have health OCD also(as well as many other themes) and yeah I totally get what you mean
But I'm confident about my chosen method so I think I'll be ok when the time comes, but for certain methods I'd say I'd definitely experience this problem

Oh all the flavors of OCD are the worst, I had no idea I had it at all until I saw a specialist, I didn't know my symptoms even counted as OCD!

ooo would you message me about it? (no worried if you're not comfortable with that, it's okay ♡ )